I'm very glad to have found this site! Please forgive the fact that I don't have all the "ins and outs" down, as this is my first post. I am SO excited to be able to share with these members what I have and still are experiencing with anxiety. Thank you all for having the courage to share with me, as well. I look forward to working through this program.
I've been exploring this site for a couple of weeks and have enjoyed scanning the Forums, as well as beginning the program. I really feel like I have found a source of hope and understanding. I have been dealing with panic and anxiety for 20 years, having peaks and valleys throughout this time. However, over the past 4 years, I have dealt with many changes in my life and the ugly "Beast" has come back with a vengeance. My world is rapidly becoming smaller and smaller. My "safety zones" are becoming more limited. As you may have gathered by my screen name, driving is my BIGGEST obstacle! I don't do it... at ALL! I've come to a point that this avoidance behavior is no longer an option!! I have 3 great kids that want and need to be in different places at different times constantly and Mom "can't" do it! In my very soul, I DON'T believe that, but I can't convince my stubborn head. I'm so looking forward to beginning this journey of recovery with this group. If any of you have specific issues with driving, please share with me what has worked for you. Thank you to the ones that have already welcomed me to this site and hopefully I can share something meaningful that has allowed me to deal with day to day GAD and overcome some of my other fears and concerns. Thanks to all...
I can identify! I'm not driving at all right now, so I find it hard to do something that "matters" at home. But, when I take the initiative and do something productive I ALWAYS feel better. Congrats on your accomplishment today!
I lost my job the second week in March due to "excessive absence". I have three children and and they all had an unusual amount of sickness this year, however, a large majority of my absences were due to being unable to drive to work. This was a job that I dearly loved and rarely felt panic to the level of discomfort while there, but I just could not make myself drive. I was honest with my bosses about my condition and they were very supportive. They were NOT the ones that made the decision to let me go. That decision came from higher up. I understand their position, but losing that job took SO very much away from my sense of self-worth. From that feeling, I have just "allowed" my world to become smaller and smaller. It's time for a change... a BIG change. I am now searching for a job in the same field and have wonderful references regarding my performance. I've just GOT to get "back on the road". This program has become very beneficial to my end goals. I'm trying to take it slow and do my homework, but I'm so excited that I just want to sit and read it all in one night! I'd love to hear from others that are dealing with going back to work or starting a new job. I know that it will ultimately be so rewarding to me and to my family when MOM gets her confidence back. I miss talking to other adults in a work environment. My hubby works very long hours and is only home one day a week. I love the kids with all I have, but I need to feel a different sense of accomplishment. Does anyone else relate?
I began my Exposure Homework today for one of my goals... my BIGGEST goal! That would be getting back on the road and driving again. I sat in my car for 30 minutes and tried to "make friends" with it. I familiarized myself with all of the controls, where things are, etc. My level of fear was very minimal. I'd say it only got to a 2 at any given time. So, I felt like I had experienced a small victory. Then, I had to go to my child's end-of-the-year program at preschool. My mother-in-law picked me up and I had a horrible panic attack in the car on the way there. This usually does not happen when someone else is driving. I was so disappointed in myself, not to mention embarrassed! If ANYONE has any tips on how to calm down and stay focused while in the car, please share them with me.
Thank you Josie! After serious thought about the events of the day, I don't think my panic was due to riding in the car at all. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I lost my job in the middle of March. That job was in the Administrative Department of the preschool that my daughter attends. This was the FIRST time that I have "darkened the doors" since I lost my job. Of course that would cause me anxiety. I think that it is o.k. that I felt that and probably needed to. It is a rather large preschool (192 children) and I haven't seen them, their parents (which I dealt with on a daily basis), or my sweet co-workers in almost 2 months. After my termination, I arranged for a teacher that I worked with that lives down the street to pick my child up in the mornings and my mother-in-law brings her home at dismissal. I have never had to deal with the finality of my termination. However, I was so inspired by the reactions that I got from everyone... bosses, teachers, parents, and my sweet babies that just wanted a hug from me. Overall, I guess that experience wasn't bad at all, except for the anticipatory anxiety on the way there. So, a VICTORY today...
I'm doing my exposure work and I'm finding that "small victories" are very rewarding. It feels so much better to conquer a part of the process than to set out to defeat the entire thing and feel terrible for "failing". I've found myself becoming more comfortable even thinking about my fears that I had before. I REALLY want to get to the ultimate goal, but I don't want to miss feeling the feelings that get me to the place that I need to be in my mind. Does this make sense to anyone? I appreciate having these Forums to read. I feel so much less alone than I have in the 20 years I've been suffering with anxiety and panic. Thanks to you all....
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