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Posts created by K13

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi there

Thanks, Strength! :) I appreciate it.

The program's going all right. I'm trying to keep track of things, but I haven't really found much of a pattern yet; my depression fluctuates a lot day to day. Sometimes I'll feel okay until some things start going wrong during the day, and I kinda crumble. But, it's pretty early on. Just focusing on things more now has kind of been hard. I think it's been easier to just ignore certain problems and put them in the background than work on solving them.

I'm really eager to move into the second session, but I'm trying to take my time so things can develop how they should. Just getting into the habit of recording on the activity tracker throughout the day is a pretty new thing to adjust to, though. I plan to get to the next session on Friday or Saturday.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi Gang !

Hey, Fixit! Glad to have you aboard. :) Depression really does like to hang around and make unwanted reappearances; I feel like mine's kind of always been present since the first time, just fading in and out from the background. I wish you luck with your current situation. This is a good resource to have!

Hope to see you around the forums! It'd be great to hear more about your experiences, current and past!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Weekend Prep

My worst times are when things go wrong. I really don't know how to deal with a lot of problems that have been going on lately. And my best times have been when I've been able to have my little escapes from these problems. I've been getting by through giving myself breaks when possible, just little ones to recuperate a bit. Or if things are really crappy and it's getting late, I'll go to bed and try to deal with it the next day.

So I might need to work on this next week is taking a chance to slow down and reassure myself that the roof isn't caving in over my head when obstacles present themselves. I tend to feel like bad things are only going to continue getting worse, and I forget that things change over time and sometimes something that's bad at first can be a blessing in disguise later. I know this in my head, but I'm not feeling it. Maybe I could try to work with the problems and see what good could come out of them?

Have a good weekend, everybody!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi Gang !

<hugs>

Sorry you're going through so much right now! You sound like you have a very good mindset for your tough times, though, and I'm sure your family is very grateful for that. And I'm glad you're here for support right now. Try not to dwell too much on regret; you're trying very hard right now and that counts for a lot.

Hang in there!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi there

Thanks, cvdeb! Yeah, it's a pretty difficult transition. It seems all anybody talks about anymore is work. I feel like all that matters anymore is what's on my resume.

I do get a lot of pressure from my family. Almost indirectly...like I think the belief has been that you do whatever you have to for school/work, and that's all there is to it. Which, I guess makes sense. But you never really question that authority. So I feel very much under the thumb of my obligations. I've been telling myself for weeks that things will wind down if I just get this one project done, but there's always been another big deadline soon after that got me all wound up again.

I know my parents are going to be real upset with me if I don't graduate this semester, which is becoming a distinct possibility. I don't know, I feel like everyone's going to be looking down on me if I don't, from family to fellow students. Why can't I do what everybody else has been able to do?

I want to slow down, but I don't know how to, because I'm just unable to do things as fast as I'm supposed to. I've kind of been tiredly beating away at my schoolwork for a long while now, set deadlines for myself that don't seem unreasonable but I can never keep up with them...So it's kind of like, life won't slow down, and I don't know what to do because I'm constantly playing "catch up." A lot of times over this semester I've wished I was a robot so I would never sleep in, or feel depressed, or want to take a break to unwind and do something fun. Those things just set me back and dig me deeper.

So basically, it's kind of like school has had the first and last word on my life lately. And it feels like it's going to be the same with whatever job I end up with whenever I do graduate. I have my loves in life elsewhere, so this is a really upsetting thought that I think helped, as you said, kick up my current depression.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Group Discussion on Session 1

Thanks, Fixit. You make a good point about needing to make things better, despite the fact that it may not be as bad as before.

I think I'm getting a better idea of how to rate the mood levels now. I guess I just needed some time to get a hang of it, have some time to gauge what the highs and lows feel like. I'm not used to paying so much attention to mood throughout the day!

How's everyone else holding up?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Your top 3 - Good Deeds

I like to sometimes purchase something extra from a vending machine when I go to one on campus and leave it there for whoever stops by next. I got inspired to do this when I was having a cruddy day, and two bottles of pop came out when I paid for one at a vending machine that day. It was just a nice little surprise that lifted my mood a bit, felt kind of lucky, and I thought what if someone had just left one there, initially, and that's how it happened? So I'd like to share that little boost with people.

I'm big on trying to get lost things back to people, too. I've had a couple of times where I've found people's flash drives in the library, and I'll get it to the lost and found and put a note by the computer in case they come back. Again, I especially like to do this because I've lost important things at the library before, only to pick them up at the lost and found later, which is a nice feeling.

For a third thing, I make sure to have courtesy on the city bus. Like giving the front seats to people who need them. You're technically supposed to, but you only really get made to move if someone with a wheelchair comes on. Also, if I see someone trying to press the button for the bus to stop and it's not working, I'll push the one next to my seat for them.

Little things are definitely a big deal!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Art Therapy for core beliefs?

Thanks! Actually the comic has been really sad (getting toward the final conflict now and I feel bad for the depressed character), so I'm gonna take a little intermission that actually kind of parodies the seriousness of it for a moment. Usually my comics are silly, but I tend to make one big dramatic one a year, sometimes based on my own hurdles in life. It definitely helps to draw on that parallel (pun perhaps intended ;) ).

I think I'll remember what I've learned from the comic because I regularly make references to things like my stories, in general. I'm used to looking back on them. Like I'll be typing to my diary and be like, "I just feel like in that one episode where the one character said this..."

I'm not sure how I'll stop neglecting my projects in the future. That's a major problem for me right now, feeling like I don't have room in my life for them anymore, so I think it's something that'll be looked upon while doing the program.

I've found that singing songs can help with expression, too.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi there

Sorry to double post, but I thought I should rephrase something.

Like with the belief from my family about school, it's not so much about getting the work done that's a big source of pressure, but more the idea that work comes first. Maybe physical health is a notch above that, but I feel like that's practically just for the sake of being able to KEEP working. Hobbies, social time, sleep, mental wellness? Everything else comes after. That's what bothers me, and I don't know how to get around it when the work is never done.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Cool Beans

This is kind of a weird accomplishment, but this has been a big reason to smile lately.

For my final project in my video class, I got struck really strongly with this idea to do one starring a trio of "talking" beanie babies (I'm kind of a big kid). Basically one gets lost and the other two are trying to find him. When I told my mom about the idea, she was kind of disturbed (Is this going on your RESUME???), and I thought my class was going to be thinking, "Oh boy, here we go again with another weird video." I actually did a similar one at the beginning of the semester when I had little time and no actors handy.

So I filmed this the other weekend, and it was fun (at least for the first four straight hours; after that, it got pretty nightmarish), and we had our rough cuts due this past week to get critiques from classmates.

Man, my class was rolling with laughter! I got a pretty good round of applause when it was done. It has a lot of slapstick/goofy humor, and I was laughing to tears from showing it. My professor was all impressed with how good it looked, especially in comparison to my earlier video. I actually did all the voices for the rough version since I was in a hurry, but when I asked if there was any guy in the class who wanted to play the part for the one stuffed animal of the three that's male, this one guy volunteered right away! I even had another guy from my class ask me today if I'd already had all my voice actors set up, and he sounded disappointed when I said I was all set!

So, yes. I made a beanie baby movie cool. That's definitely awesomeness right there. And I really put my heart into it, so it makes me very happy that people like it.

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