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today's top discussions:

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Fight depression

asi

2021-07-25 7:17 PM

Depression Community

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Social Isolation and Staying Active

Shari2014

2021-07-22 3:40 PM

Healthy Weight Community

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Quitting soon

Timbo637

2021-07-03 6:45 PM

Quit Smoking Community

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Managing urges to drink while quitting smoking

grapeseed

2021-07-03 2:22 PM

Managing Drinking Community

This Month’s Most Loved Posts:

Browse through 411373 posts in 46957 threads.

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12 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Site Interruption

Me too. I had to join again and I can't get at any of my previous data (mood tracker results, test results....etc.). Is that all lost?
12 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Fear of Aging and Death

Hi Bigwater,
 
I'm 47 and suffer similarly. For me, it is definitely a paralysing fear of death. I just can't accept it and am constantly chewing it over. The knowledge of the inevitability of my own mortality sits there like a solid cold lump in my stomach. I've tried exploring it and facing it through religious faith, poetry and meditation but these things all seem like empty consolation.
 
I feel that us humans are too far evolved, we can now think too much. Oh to be an animal. Damn the mind that sees the future.
12 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
New here

Welcome, Jollynot.
 
There are good people here. These forums and the program have helped me through some bad stuff, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that.
 
Strange thing is that we are all sufferers from depression here, but it's the most positive and supportive forum I've ever posted to....
 
Pete
11 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Challenging Social Anxiety

Hi Jason
 
 I am wary of these techniques that look so straightforward and tidy and easy in theory. Activities like challenging negative thoughts are fine and dandy as a paper exercise, but I find they have no impact at all on my daily life : I'm 49, have suffered from social anxiety all my adult and adolescent life, and the associated beliefs and behaviours are a deep, central part of myself.
 
Exposure to the phobia? Well, life forces that upon me at every turn and there is little control on my part as to the level/intensity of the exposure - social situations (by which I mean nearly all interaction with other people) come upon me thick and fast and most of them I cannot avoid. Every failure on my part to behave appropriately in these situations is another twist of the knife in my self-esteem.
 
I've tried. One of the things I really hate is going to pubs, going out for a drink and a 'chat' with work colleagues. Now I get along fine with my colleagues in a work situation, and quite often they will go for a quick drink after work. So on a few occasions I have steeled myself and decided to be sociable and make the effort. And always, within five minutes, I realise why I hate doing it. I am like a fish out of water, a gasping, flapping helpless thing. Where the hell do people find small talk? How do they do it in such a relaxed manner? How and why do they actually enjoy it? It is totally beyond me. And I have to escape as soon as possible.
 
Communication skills? Fine. But what if you have nothing to communicate, no desire to tell about yourself to others and no desire to hear their trivia?
 
So I come to the conclusion that I am just not built right. I cannot enjoy, or conceive of enjoying, social situations. And I cannot even fake it convincingly. This social ineptitude of mine has been at the root, I am sure, of my failure to make a successful career despite my intelligence and abilities, and at the root of my depression which is only a logical result of my failures in every theatre of life.
 
If you can't interact socially in this life, you're lost. And I think I'm in way too deep to 'challenge' it now.
 
Sorry to sound so negative, but - and there is nothing personal here - I get tired of reading about these techniques that seem so glib and easy.


11 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Inspirational quote

Mmmm....Jason, I'm a prickly, cynical old Englishman and I tend to find quotations like this a bit simplistic, a bit cloying. And to me the first sentence raises a huge question - how, how, how does a depressed person fall in love with themselves? My experience of depression has been that of a long falling 'in hate' with myself, and an ever-deepening conviction that there is little there in myself to love, or that deserves love....

But all this is just me. More power to those who find inspirational sayings to be more than pretty slogans - if something helps, I won't knock it.

Sorry, Jason, it seems all I've done since you arrived here is contradict your posts. I'm not really that bad a guy  just a bit of a tough nut to crack.
11 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Inspirational quote

Sally:
You're welcome. I won't take credit for that little epigram,though I don't recall where I came across it. It is something useful to bear in mind at times when I seem possessed, as if the depression defines my existence.

Goofy:
I see what you mean about relating that saying to my son. Absolutely I love him, value his uniqueness and difference. As I love my other two sons as well. My problem is to feel anything approaching the same love for myself. I know too many dirty little secrets about myself for that.

I do believe that I am somehow unique, but not in a good way. And I am always conscious of my difference, as if it is something I need to hide, because I feel not fully-made, not finished. Just not thinking, existing, on the same level as other people. As if my presence requires apology. It is so hard to put feelings into words (that's good coming from a wannabe writer!) and communicate them, so you probably wonder what on earth I'm on about here. I just constantly feel that I'm an imposter, some kind of a fraud, even here on this forum.

I have no doubt that Jason's quotation carries truth as far as the relation between self-esteem/self-value and health is concerned. However, I share with Sally that it does not move or resonate with me. The state it invokes is just so far away from where I am that's it's like a fantastical pipedream and too remote to be an inspiration or motivation.
11 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Stress Relievers, Part II

My favourite stress relievers?

The first I won't go into because it's kind of private  and rather secret.

The second is very simple - going for a walk on my own every night at 9 pm. Without fail. Rain or shine. Me, my mp3 player and three cigarettes. It's like  a cocktail for me - solitude, exercise, music, nicotine, and more solitude. Perfect.
11 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Inspirational quote

Sally:
"I guess I am just tired of all the trite quotes on happiness or self-love."  Hear hear!

Goofy:
Thank you for your kind words. I, too, wish I could see personality traits in myself that are appealing. Perhaps I just can't see the wood for the trees.

Samantha:
A quotation? Difficult. I'll have to think on that - I don't really have one off the top of my head.




11 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Inspirational quote

Found one. It's not particularly cosy, I'm afraid, but carries some message of hope and endurance, of sorts. I much prefer writing with some grit, some bite, to motivational soundbites.

'I'll go on. You must say words, as long as there are any - until they find me, until they say me. (Strange pain, strange sin!) You must go on. Perhaps it's done already. Perhaps they have said me already. Perhaps they have carried me to the threshold of my story, before the door that opens on my story. (That would surprise me, if it opens.)

            It will be I? It will be the silence, where I am? I don't know, I'll never know: in the silence you don't know.

            You must go on.

            I can't go on.

            I'll go on.'
 
(Samuel Beckett. From The Unnamable)
 
Beckett is my absolute favourite writer. His extreme economy, mastery of language (English and French), mordant sense of humour, unsettling honesty, pure cussedness and singularity of vision make him, for me, beyond compare and totally unique as a writer. So, I find the above quotation inspiring both for its subject matter (what it says about existence and perception) and for the quality of writing, to which I can only aspire.

 

 

11 years ago 0 Pete 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Your Top 3 - Advice

  1. Don't believe anything you haven't witnessed or felt to be true within yourself.
  2. Manage your money as if your life depends on it - in many ways, it does.
  3. Don't sacrifice a lifetime's potential for joy for the sake of one moment's, one night's, one week's comfort and relief from loneliness.