life sucks
I feel like a hooker that needs to work for her drug money and gets nothing to show for all the extra work.
I have MS (multiple Sclerosis). Had it since 1998. While depression is not new to me, the current bout of medical issues is. I had a good job for 10 years but quit because they didn't want me to go days and I was starting to hate nights. That job had a good drug plan. I paid nothing except a small $6. per prescription. Now I have to pay $400 of a $1700 a month every 3 weeks. That is one pay check for me.
I am trying to get trilluim but the medication is not covered.
If that isn't a problem, right now, my head will not stop spinning. I have constant dizzy spells, eye pain, heaches and had my very first optical migrane.
Life sucks. everyone wants something from me and I can't afford to say no. Family are always saying that we are strong and can overcome anything. Work is always pushing for more and I am thinking of giving up volunteering because I don't have any more "good feelings" to do the work I used to love to do.[
Depression is a sympton of an Illness I have. When my MS is not stable I am not stable. I have feelings about why go on, with this diesease you can't always find a solution to help. I am so dizzy and have huge headaches what will not go away, my face and eye on the left side are numb and cold and I can't concentrate. Work is a fight to get though the 8 hours. Money problems because of the stpid medication I am on to STOP the MS flair ups is expensive but guess what .... it is not working!!
I have so many demands on me that I am being pulled in a lot of directions but none of it is for me. I am expected to suffer in silence ... family doesn't want to acknolege the diease, they will help when they are inconvienced but only for their goals... not mine.
Why live? What am I to gain? I am a burden on my family and to myself. Work .... they help only when they have to ... when I am not there!
I am so .....
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I am sick and tired of having MS and no one can seem to help me.
I am so dizzy, everyone thinks I am drunk.
I fall into doors, walls, people. At work they have a chair for me in case I feel like I am falling down. As soon as I sit down, everyone comes running.
I finally told all my bosses that I have MS and have had it for 9 years officially, 11 years (oh my gosh!!!) unofficially. Told my boss that I can't afford the medications they have me on, (trillium doesn't help at all) and that I am considering stopping it.
Doctors are in a wait and see mode after having tested my heart and my blood and the newest MRI, all showing nothing! I can't wait and see! I want to STOP being dizzy!
If I can't stop spinning... I can't take this anymore!
The people around me don't think this is serious. They think I can work through anything. They don't acknowledge that I have problems. I suffer in silence.
I've been the family doc, the ETN doc and now again with the neuro. The neuro doesn't understand it so my specialist is sending me to a specialized clinic.
I seem to get more support at work (because they want something from me) than I do at home sometimes.
The more frustrated I get the more down I get. The more this goes on the more I want to give it up ... I CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS, EVERYDAY! :8o:[
Would I still be depressed without MS. Yes ...
I am the only family member who went to college but have nothing to show for it. I am near my 40's and still never had a relationship with a man. I worked nights for 10 years and never found one ... now I am on days and still no one in sight. My cousins who are bigger than me (I am 240) all managed for get guys. One of my cousins' is over 340. Everyone I know makes more money than me. I look for dangerous relationships on line but the guys either never show. Everything I do seem backwards. Even this is wrong
I feel like I am not worth anything. Everyone always takes from me. never giving anything back. This is how I feel.
I know body image is not a real big thing, but I just can't see what guys are looking for.
I feel work and home is good when I am there but when I am not there I feel used and abused. My boss looks to me to help others get hang of the job and to train others in special areas. But I don't get paid for it.
At home I pay for a car that I can't drive because my mom needs it to pick up my sister's kids and because ofmore medical issues but no one helps me pay for it.
I can't have fun because it gets questioned. But that isn't the worst part. $300 for one medication. I have to work a lor of hours to have some money to cover it.
I am afraid to take a day off because if I miss day, a question if I can pay for it.
I gave up a weekend away because I was sick ... now the doctos agree with me that I am sick.
It is just one thing after another!
Amanda
My family, I think, have blinders on. They only see what they can help with,ot realizing that its with they can't see that I need help with.
My dad keeps telling me to drive myself to work, even though, at the end of the day, dizziness that I am experiencing is worse as the day goes on, when I would have to drive home. That is dangerous. But not to him!
Everyone(not just those at home) think that I can control my actions and get to a chair to help with the dizzy spells.
When I tell them that it is better to let me have a controlled fall to the ground instead to trying to walk to a chair, where i could really fall.
This is getting be be a daily battle with everyone telling me how to control myself ... not just trying to battle the dizziness, but battling people on how I am to act.
Oh I get mad![size=4]Text[/size]
Had acupuncture once and that set off a how new set of problems. Nothing for depression. Just physical.
But I've heard it does work for most people. Just not me!
One of my doctor's had said that my current medical problems are not a result of my illness but are physcoshematic (? spelling)
I get dizzy spells ... no medocal reason. They happen all the time. THe neurologist says that all the tests are fine. Talking with him made me feel okay that it is not medical/ physical byt medical/ mental.
I feel like I am going backwards. For 10 years I was dealing with a chronic illness and I was doing well. Was not having any symptoms and off all my medications.
This summer the doctor talked me into going back on a medication because evidence was showing that I might get worse if I wasn't on a diease modifing drug. After tests and talking I went back on a medication.
The drug is 1500 of whicj 312 I have to pay ... every month.
anyway ....
the last four months I have been having dizzy spells sometime a lot sometimes none. Anyway, they happen all the time and anywhere.
As I said it is been rule out not to be medical but mental.
a long time agao I was depressed and I used to cut myself ... I used to attack myself.
Now my body is attacking me and I can't deal with it.Last Wednesday, I collasped in the mall and spent 11 hours at the hospital and now
Work has told me not to comeback without the "problem" being solved or resolved. I collasped at work on Thursday.
My neuro is getting me into see a specialist that I had in the psat that brushed me off to somelse because he says I need that type of doctor and he was the only one in the area.
But what do I do in the mean time ... I need to work to pay for the drugs, lifestyle aids and the bills.
Nothing to make me happy ... just to keep on living ....
where can I get help NOW.............. right now?
Can panic attacks happen for no reason? Heat is racing and I can't stop moving. Muscles are starting to spasm and I am trying to keep focused on something, anything.
Been having a panic attack that just keeps on going. Nothing seems to be working. I have taken the meds that are suppose to be helping. I want to scream but I can't. I have had enough of this. How do I stop it when even with medications it just keeps on happening and getting worse. THe longest attack I had was yesterday five hours. I am shaking.
I went to a Neuropsychiatrist today. Both my neuro and family doc think the dizzy spells, and panic attacks that I am having now, are all in my head. My brain can't cope with everything and are creating physical symptoms that have an impact on my everyday life. These attacks stop me in my tracks, make it hard to breath or make me unable to move. I fall and pass out sometimes or I have to leave where I am and make myself uncomfortable so I can focus on that instead of the panic attack.
The Neuropsychiatrist has decided to increase my Celexa and told me that, the atavin which I only take when I am having a panic attack, that I should also take it when I am starting to have a dizzy spell.
I try and limit myself to only taking the atavin when I really can't talk myself out of a panic attack. He wants me take it when I am having dizzy spells as well. Up to 3 times in 24 hours. I am trying to not take them, but he says that to take them right now until I can get a handle on everything that I am going through.
Life is really not that bad for me, right now, so I am wondering what my mind is trying to cope with. A great job, a family that helps when they can, and 2 niece's that I try to live a full life for them.
I dawned on me last week that I was dx'ed 11 years ago this year and I feel like I am going backwards … not forward.
I am losing focus on enjoying life and don't want to continue volunteering with the Girl Guides. I am losing interest in life.
But I am trying to hold it all together.
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