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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Accomplishments and other Postive Things

I began my journey on this site back in October whilst waiting for an appointment for therapy assessment with my local authority, I have had my assessment, and am still awaiting an appointment, meanwhile I have used this program religiously every day for the past 4 months. When I began the program I had taken myself off Zoloft as I did not like the person I had become, I was acting atypically, many of you were worried I may suffer from bad withdrawal and I thank you for your concern. I had taken antidepressants for over 20 years.

I am writing here today after a visit to my new Dr, I was getting nowhere with my old one, as they just kept prescribing and did no listening. I described my goals I had set on here and how I have achieved many of them, and also told her that for the first time in my 46 years of life I feel happy, content and I actually like the person I am, she looked at me and said, "well it looks like you have healed yourself, whilst waiting for the national health to get their act together and sort you out". I couldn't agree with her more.

I had been numb for so long, now I feel, I can see the world for the wonderful place it is and not through a haze of medication, my mind is healthy and positive.

My main goal was to repair my fractured relationship with my youngest daughter, thing's had become so bad we had not spoken properly in almost 2 years and we became estranged 9 months ago. My daughter graduated as a Psychologist and counselor in July last year, I wasn't invited to her graduation which made my depression worse, and after following this program, traveling this road, which is a long one, and I can travel it, I can do anything now. I am so happy to say that after witnessing the change in my attitude and mood my daughter has now invited me back into her life. Of course I am ecstatic about this but I am also proud of myself for putting the amount of work into myself that I have. I know I still have a long way to go on this road but at least now I can see the beauty along it, smell the wonderful aromas surrounding me, and enjoy the rest of my life.

I have all of my family on here to thank for your support and words of encouragement. If I can have a healthy mind after having clinical depression for over 20 years then anyone can, this program truly does work, if you are thinking about working with us, stop thinking and join in, you will reap the benefits, believe me.

Happy 2012, I can now live my life instead of just existing.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Accomplishments and other Postive Things

Yes a definite light bulb moment, I just realized I wasn't participating in life, as I was always in a medicated haze, I would strongly suggest you see your practitioner and discussing the matter with them, I was getting nowhere with mine & had no-one to listen to me.

I stopped medicating, self referred myself for counseling and began reading a fantastic book which had been recommended to me. Overcoming Depression, A self-help guide using Cognitive Behavioral Techniques, by Paul Gilbert, this site was mentioned in the book so I thought I would give it a try & I haven't looked back.

I must say thinking positively is a wonderful thing, I have always been a cup half empty person, now my cup is overflowing, continue with this program and you too will reap the rewards.

Got to admit I did get some funny responses when I told my loved ones I had, had an epiphany, but that is what it felt like.

Good luck on your journey, we are all here to help

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Accomplishments and other Postive Things

Thank you to everyone for your kind word's, I could not have gotten this far without this site.

I remember when I first begun on here I used to read Davit's comments and think, he's such an inspiration, he really knows what he is talking about. It must have taken him years of work to get as far as he has and I'm sure he has put an awful lot into this. Never once did I think I would be sitting here only a few months later "feeling", for the first time in over 20 years.

It is oh so easy for Doctors to prescribe medication, maybe if they put their pen's and prescription books down and listened, gave some advice once in a while there would not be so many people relying on prescription medication.

Yes, I have had a very hard life, that should not be a reason for me to remain negative, that should be, and was the inspiration that made me decide, I can make this life good for myself, I don't have to let thing's which happened to me in my previous life (that's how I see it, the old me & the new me), mar what life I have left.

I never gave myself credit for anything, whereas now I can see that I did incredible things. I was disabled by the age of 24, had twin daughters to take care of, widowed by the age of 36, I have been raped 3 times one of them consisted of an attempted murder and I let events take over my life, I took on the victim role.

Now I can see that through all this I brought up two wonderful young women single handedly, both of whom have graduated university, after I became disabled and could teach no-more I continued to attend college and continued with my education, I amassed many diplomas but still I was not happy, I was still taking that medication without ever thinking maybe I can do without it today, as I had been prescribed it I felt I needed it, now I know I could have done this a lot sooner. I blamed myself for a lot of the bad things that occurred, but know now that was all in my head, I didn't deserve any of those thing's to happen.

Just remember no matter what you have been through in life, only you can change your future, the past is called the past for a reason, the future is exciting as no-one knows what will happen and the present is a gift, a gift that we are on this beautiful earth to give love, comfort, joy and friendship and so many other things to so many people. We are all capable of changing our inner thought's, no-one else can do it for you, talking helps, but in the end unless you experience that light bulb moment your thought engine will not change.

I still have a long way to go, I have an eating disorder to get under control, but I now know with time I can achieve that goal too. We can all achieve all of our goals with a little help and guidance.

Thank you for guiding me X

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Bad Dreams

I can relate to what you are saying Deborah, I hardly sleep at all and therefore could, if got the chance sleep all day. I too have become pale and wan and am tired of people telling me to get a good meal inside of me. If only it was that easy, that is one of my remaining goals to conquer. Eat.

It is yet again very cold, wet & windy here today, but I took the bull by the horns and with my new positive attitude to life went into town to get some grocery shopping, big mistake, so many people, the shop floors were all wet & slippery and being disabled I was slipping everywhere, I suppose I must have made a few people smile, I must have looked like a blond wet Bambi skating around the store. But if I made just one person smile then it was worth enduring the cold wet weather and my absolute exhaustion going out.

I feel like a totally different person when the sun shines, as I tan pretty quickly, as soon as there is a little bit of heat in the air, I am out in my bikini, hidden from view of course in my back garden. I don't know about the rest of you ladies but the summer always makes me feel sexy for some reason, anyone have an answer for that one? I would be very interested to hear your thoughts.

Well done Carmie on your productive day at work & Deborah don't worry about sleeping during the day, you aren't the first and you sure won't be the last person to do it, we must get rest when out body tells us we need it.

Sunny's sun also makes me smile, I thought It was only me that thought that but thank the lord I'm not going crazy.

Have a great day everyone, take each hour as it comes and enjoy each minute of that hour. As my old Grandma used to say, you are a long time dead, so enjoy life while you have the opportunity.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Overcompensation and Seeking Control

Once again Sunny I agree with your words of wisdom, I sense I overcompensated with my daughter's after their father passed away, they felt happier being away from home, I took them to Cancun, I had never even heard of it but it was a long way away from our unhappiness, although they were only 12 and grieving their father they made so many friends there, that took their mind's off their problems and the reality facing them at home. Because I saw them happier and trying to enjoy life I took them over 22 times in 6 years, staying for up to 6 weeks at a time, it cost me an absolute fortune, I wasn't trying to buy their affection just trying to be both mother & father to them, I overcompensated, with material thing's and love which in the end came back to bite me on the backside.

I have always been a very generous woman, I would give anyone my last penny, cent, dime depending on which country you are in (you get the picture though), yet I am the only person in my family who never gets a gift, not for christmas, birthday's, valentine's, mother's day, non of the holidays. I do prefer to give that's true, it would just be so nice to receive something for once, is that wrong of me? This has at times made me feel worthless and unloved, and the old me used to cry for day's on end about it, for christmas I got no gift's, but I did have one daughter spend the holiday with me & the greatest gift I have ever received was that my estranged daughter told me she loved me, wanted me in her life and was proud of my achievements. If I never receive another gift again in my lifetime, that gift of acceptance & forgiveness from my daughter was the most heart warming thing that has ever happened to me.

Hugs, you were saying about someone in your workplace being in control and taking their control issues out on others I think, I am finding this with my partner, he knows about my past life, about the rapes & the attempt on my life and for the last rape & attempt on my life, we were in our relationship, he has gone through so much with me, and has been my rock, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him, to him I have always been, this tiny vulnerable woman, whom he could protect, when I was kidnapped, raped & assaulted it hit him harder than I had imagined and he needed therapy to help him, he still hasn't gotten over that, neither have I, but I won't give that animal the satisfaction of ruining my life. Believe it or not I wasn't offered any therapy.

I have mentioned in posts before about his time outs & how at the moment our relationship is on hold, I love him dearly and he is a wonderful gentle man, Davit told me that those that can sometimes have to for the ones who can't. I understand what he meant by this, we are having problems in our relationship and now that I am a strong and confident woman I can't help but feel he may feel a little threatened by me. He has only just begun CBT, so isn't thinking as clear as myself. As I was always very vulnerable I used to over compensate with him, I have already lost my husband, nephew, father, uncle, Aunt, foster brother and 2 very close friends, in the past 10 years and this has me terrified of losing him, it seems that every man I love I have lost and feel that this constant worrying has caused friction between us, does anyone have any input on this? I would really appreciate some advice, I have never given up on a relationship, I don't give up on anything. I am trying to stay positive, so any words would really help.

Matilda I couldn't agree with you more, please send us some sunshine & warm weather, we are having flash floods over here.

(sorry Sunny just borrowing it for a few day's if that's okay

)

Thanks for listening everyone, it's such a comfort knowing you are all here

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Indecision with Too Many Options - What do you Do?

Sunflower I was a special needs teacher before I broke my spine and was unable to work, you mentioned you feel you get lack of recognition and need a confidence boost, just remember in your work you are helping to shape those children's lives, for all you know you could be educating a future president, banker's, lawyers etc . You are doing a very important service for society, you are trusted, respected and valued, not only by the children but also by their parent's, their extended family, your colleagues and the education system, give yourself a pat on the back & have a glass of wine on me. You are a

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Negativity

Happy to hear you are feeling more positive today Matilda, old card's and photographs are such a blessing. Those and my memories are all I have of my late husband . Cherish every second of your life with your partner.

I fear my relationship of 4 years has come to a natural end & I am not going to let myself get negative about it. We had some wonderful times and I have great memories, I have come too far in this program to let this knock me back, if I can carry on life after losing my husband I can cope with anything.

Kind regards

Museluver

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Negativity

Thank you Davit, I lost my husband over 9 years ago I was only 36 and our twins were only 12 at the time, I had an abusive relationship a few years later but luckily got out of that one alive, the relationship I am in now has been the best I have ever had and the stubbornness and negativity of the old me has ruined any chance I had with this wonderful man. Unfortunately as I have said before he is just beginning therapy, so I fear the worst. I said I could not have negativity in my life and this has been taken literally.

I shall live to fight another day & have so much love to give to whomever comes my way.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Topic: Making New Years Resolutions

I don't make resolutions as I don't really have any vices, what I did this year even before the end of the year, was I decided that my old life, the old me was in the past and would not be dwelled on any longer.

The new Me is the person I have always wished I could be, mentally strong, happy and relishing the future with my newfound inner strength.

Museluver

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 59

Negativity

I am trying so hard to not feel anxious & negative about my doctors appointment next Wednesday, I had breast cancer almost 10 years ago and lost about 1/3 of my left breast. Whilst I have been going through my mental health change I had neglected my physical health.

I found a large lump in my other breast about 6 months ago and did noting about it as my head was elsewhere, I finally went to see my doctor last week and have an appointment at the One stop breast center. I am trying so hard to remain positive, this lump is much larger & more painful than the last and appears to be oozing from the nipple area (sorry to any men out there, I don't mean to be so forward & open but this is the only place I can let go).

Anyone have any idea's how I can remain positive whilst inside being a nervous wreck?

Museluver X

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