Hello, I've been working through the Panic and Depression programs
for several weeks and figured it was time to introduce myself. I'm 43 and was diagnosed with major depression and panic
disorder in my late 20's (though more recently a bipolar diagnosis has been
suggested) and have been struggling to keep both under control for the past 15
years. My first panic attack occurred during an extremely stressful
business meeting when I was also experiencing horrendous stomach issues, which
I later found was due to severe lactose intolerance. Go figure that to this day
my anxiety physically manifests itself in the form of GI distress. Over the
next month, I began having multiple panic attacks daily. A friend recognized
what I was going through and put me in contact with a therapist and
psychiatrist, at which time I received my first diagnosis. I then went through the medication-go-round and I’m still on
it. I've tried practically every medication on the market with limited or no
success -- AD's, mood stabilizers, benzos, supplements, etc., trying some two
or even three times. SSRI’s don’t agree
with me, and I had an awful time getting off benzos after I built up too high
of a tolerance and was experiencing nasty side effects from long term use. I’m
currently taking Gabapentin PRN (as needed) to take the edge off the anxiety
though I can’t take it regularly due to cognitive impairment. Did I mention that
I’m ridiculously sensitive to medications? I’ve also had years of talk-therapy which has helped me to better
understand the sources of my anxiety and depression though not so much help in
curing the disorders. I meditate and exercise regularly and do altogether way
too much research on trying to heal myself. Where I am now: as mentioned, my anxiety physically manifests
itself in my gut and years of avoidance behavior has made it extremely
difficult to leave the house if there’s so much as a gurgle down there. I’m also
a very social and physically active person, and being semi-housebound has taken
a severe toll on my mood. Speaking of mood, I tend to have both short (lasting days or
weeks) and long (lasting months+) depressive episodes which have been a
constant disruption in almost every aspect of my life. This is my first foray into the realm of CBT and I’m hoping
to learn concrete skills to help improve my quality of life and stabilize an
existence full of ups and downs. -Flint
