I did finally get to sleep. But Im havin yet another round of attacks. And Im supposed to be going to stay at my gf's house tonight. I tried to do some box breathing, jus to calm myself down enough to get to her place (which is only 5 mins away). I am standing FIRM in my refusal to avoid her place ( I am usually more prone to have attacks at her place). I keep telling myself that avoidance is not a cure. And that I am strong. And I am NOT crazy. I recognize the symptoms and know that it's a panic attack.They're not as severe as they used to be in the beginning and don't last as long either. They're just REALLY annoying & frustrating LOL
I HAVE started to notice that my back seems like it is CONSTANTLY hurting in between my shoulder blades. Nothing that I do seems to relieve it... Stress related?
So I had my 1st appointment with my therapist y'day. She thinks that the anxiety attacks are my body's way of letting me know it cannot handle the amount of stress I take in and not let out. Made perfect sense. She also doesn't think that my case is "severe enough" to require medication. So I decided to start doing some exercising at home (can't afford the gym these days). It was a 30 min workout (mostly cardio). I was excited to do it and felt really good when I got done... Until I got to my gf's house. There was jus this feeling of utter dread that I could not shake. When I got in bed, my mind was running 90 to nothing. SO ANNOYING! It took me like 2 hours to fall asleep.
The only upside to all this is that the panic attack symptoms don't have the heart pounding & racing feeling anymore
So it's 3:45AM - and here I am, having an attack. I tried to calm myself down before it got full blown but it's too late now. I got out of bed & came to the computer bcuz the hot flashes were starting to kick in, which make me toss & turn. I am flippin EXHAUSTED!! I wanna go to sleep SO bad
I had actually been feeling like myself for the past 3-4 days and then this happened. Making me feel like I take 2 steps forward only to take like 6 back. This is VERY frustrating...
Thank you ALL for your support & suggestions. I am SO grateful to y'all, leading by example (in a matter of speaking)...
SIM, I wish I could take a nap. But I had to come to work this morning at 9AM sharp. I might take a nap when I get off... Davit, thank you for all you said. I actually did write down exactly how I was feeling & what happened. I've actually gotten a spiral to journal in when I have an attack... Samantha, I tried to use the lesson in Sec 3 to try to get myself to calm down, but I was so frazzled & irritated that it didn't work. So I jus got up & let it happen. They do seem to last for shorter periods of time now & my heart isn't pounding out of my chest like it did in the beginning. There was some heart fluttering and a li'l discomfort tho. I plan on telling my therapist all about tomorrow morning
The road to recovery is definitely a bumpy one. But I am still very determined to get back to myself
So I had another therapy session today and I made a HUGE breakthrough. I realized what triggered my 1st attack
The only thing that really gives me the major source of stress is my job. My boss is a terrible micro-manager & everything has priority right now. Everything must done right away. The problem with that is that Im the exact opposite. I have a methodology to the way I work & steps that I go thru everyday. When he comes to my desk with his chaos, it throws off my entire plan & then I get side-tracked. I've been working for him for over 4 years and my therapist thinks that his mismanagement of job stress is rubbing off on me. And my body doesn't function that way, hence panic/anxiety attacks. My body is trying to let out the stress and it has finally had enough.
So my question is this: Do y'all think it's possible for someone's mismanagement of their own stress in the workplace can rub off on other people in the same workplace?
I talked to my boss about what my therapist said. I've known my boss for over 20 years so he's more like family and I can be open & honest with him about many things in my life. I told him that my therapist suggested that he give me the morning to do my actual job (LOL) and then give me all his chaos after lunch. He agreed to try it. He also asked me what the therapist recommended for him to handle his stress better - I told him that he'd hafta schedule his own appointment with her LOL
So we shall see how it goes... I'll definitely keep y'all updated on my progress
Had a minor setback last night. I found out that I have to move sooner than expected. I could feel the muscles in my legs start to tighten up & I got that sick empty feeling in my stomach. I felt like my shoulders were up next to my ears. Tension & anxiety... But I just kept telling myself that it was bound to happen and that it's going to be a growing experience for me to learn how strong I really am. And that it'll be a good thing bcuz I'll be moving in with my girlfriend It took about a hour to calm myself down but it WORKED!!! The tension sibsided and I calmed myself down & fell asleep! GO ME!!!
Davit, you are awesome! I am SO inspired by you. I commend your bravery in posting your journey on the road to recovery. It warms my heart everytime I see the positivity you spread on this site. And I cannot wait til I have my own success story
I feel your pain. Any weird pain I have, I automatically think it's gonna lead to death. I've gotten better with my panic and anxiety but it's still very hard to shake the weird uncomfortable feeling of ultimate dread, doom & gloom, and death. It's hard to enjoy the simple things in life like I used to. I just try to talk myself down before it becomes a panic/anxiety attack. I've also started mediation and relaxation techniques at night to try and rid my brain of all the negative thoughts.
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