There was too much of a challenge, and need to scale down th goal, although, to be fair, I couldn’t measure the difficulty, and had already tried another similar two courses.
So I have “credits” at a school, after wrestling with the school computer records system. Didn't get a charge out of the accomplishment though....just shame...something more to work on.
I wish there was more inside of me, I just feel overextended, and need rest from choosing a goal with too much challenge, but that comes with practise.
My challenge has always been, to find some activity which nurtures me, but isn’t too labour intensive. Unfortunately guilt creeps into my choices, since I have to balance choices with caregiving.
Work and the early hours never allowed me to watch television(and i was too stressed to remember how to use the recorder), but I was in tears once I watched some of the “American Idol” contestants, since they are so gifted, and even the celebs were moved!
And after a decision to try something, is the challenge of the anxiety,....in another forum, which is asking my secret weapon, I usually try to call on a number of reframing thoughts.
Sounds like things are taken a negative turn, temporarily.
I’ve cycled into a similar pattern with GAD, with negative thinking, finding it hard to do things like go out, after a number of major life events.
Fortunately, for now, I can work incrementally with someone and make progresss, and eventually challenge my negative thinking, which is keeping me inside, fearful of where I park my car if I do go outside, of even seeing family members outside my parents home or acknowledging achievements. Yesterday I spent the day in pj’s. I left work sometime ago, and people used to just laugh at me since my fears were comicable to me, but I could leave that toxic situation, with support and a career which was close enough to the end of my need to leave. I don’t have any friends, and have lived my whole life in one large city, haven’t seen a movie since 2007, rarely eat out(and could afford to), and the best I can do is McDonald’s(hold the tartar sauce on the fish fillet and hold the salt on the fries...in case you send me one!).
Once a mean-spirited woman suggested i should be perfect after all my hard work in CBT, etc. Another person once asked me if I could speak, since I didn’t respond in time to her impatient question! Ouch...
There’s a lot of positive support out here, and around us, and with a few small steps, with a focus on incremental growth , we can steer ourselves eventually back on course. There’s so much I have to draw on, but when I had to overcome my added weight, the wonderful dietician recommended “progress” over “perfection”.
With a name like Spartan, maybe the Helen of Troy will be released in you...how would that feel?
