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9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 62

Failing in relationship. Help!

hi Summer,

...so sorry to hear all these.... i can sympathize with you so well....

For me it sounds like you have a lots of feeling of guilty... you make yourself responsible for becoming depressed and now you also make yourself responsible for everything that could go wrong in your relationship (or that already went wrong).

This sounds to me like a too big of a burden that someone could just easily take, even if someone is completely healthy and has no depression at all.

It also sounds to me that you would actually need someone, a buddy, who can help with bearing all these burden. I dont believe you would only destroy your relationship. I am sure you build it as well, since, there must be a reason why you are worrying about it: it is important for you. And things that are important for us, we automatically nurish, maintain, we do good things for it.

I am also sure your partner wouldnt agree with you destroying the relationship alone/only.

In fact, we all make mistakes, also our partners. Nobody is perfect and there is a a lot of piece coming from the acceptance that we all make these mistakes, over and over again. If your partner knows this and behaves accordingly, then you may have good reasons to belive that you are not destroying your relationship.

Not sure if you feel comfortable sharing some of your worries with your husband, telling him also that you want this relatipnship to work but you feel weak and sometimes out of control for this, due to depression and that you need some extra support from him for a while until you get better.

Did you think of giving over some of the responsibility to him? Any failure of a relationship can not be only you! So why would you feel its all your fault? Maybe it can help you feel better if you know that it does not have to be perfect. Or at least not now. Not until you are depressed. Maybe that lightens up your mood to know that there may actually be no such a big pressure as you may now think. And the success of your relationship is not only up to you either, so its not only you who either successes or failes.

I can sympathize with you very well though ... I was "trained" by my parents to "save the world" which is sometimes impossible.

Also, we all want to have a great relationship, so maybe we have a lot of ideas of how things are supposed to be and reality sometimes is different. We may build up pressure to ourselves.

I am sorry if this all is absolutely not relevant for you, maybe you are coming from somewhere completely else...

In any case, i really hope, you are doing better or will be doing better very soon, and that some of your issues you listed here are being taken care of somehow. I guess we are here to listen to you...

Take care.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 62

How do you not screw up a job?

hi 4L4A,

Yes! I experienced these feelings!! I was always thinking about the possibilities with what I could screw up my job! And I was always trying to avoid those pitfalls.

but I have a question back to you: why should you screw it up this time? Why couldnt it just work out this time?

What would be if you would imagine a positive future in which you do your job well and you would count as much as anyone else at your employer and you would not look like someone who does not meet the minimum requirements? What, if you could imagine that you are just as normal of an employee as anyone else and if you get sick one day, that would still be OK, since that is kind of normal?

Not sure how you are doing now?

6 years ago 0 +0 / -0 62

Hello

Hi AnneMary You are amazing. I wouldn't know anyone who could be just relaxed when all these happen that you describe. I also find it great that you look for support to cope with the extraordinary situation. Thats definitely the right thing. But you are even stronger than that. All not easy, but from my point of view you can be so proud of yourself and how you manage (!) all of these. If it's OK to ask, I was just wondering, what would make you think to "function" (sorry for this word, didnt find the right one maybe) as if nothing serious had happened..? I mean, this is really amazing what you manage despite the challenges. Giving the attention to an issue or even issues may be exactly right when it comes to loved ones. I find you are already doing an incredible work. What are your thoughts, what would be your ideal world right now how would you like to react to all these? You're great and please don't forget this!

6 years ago 0 +0 / -0 62

Group Discussion on Session 2

Hi AnneMary You have your first volunteer here :) I've done a few sessions already a few years ago. I support activities on this site, as you say, its not that much going on right now - it's been different earlier and miss those times actually. Let me know when you want to start with this. You have me in your group.

6 years ago 0 +0 / -0 62

I don´t understand.

Hi Noren, It's great you decided to give CBT a try.. To try and give you an answer to your question: i don't know other CBT programs, i just know this here, but how this is set up especially between sections 2 and 5 could be just exactly right in your case. It really just sounds there's a "medication" in those sections... I guess it could be quite tiring to believe in another new magical method, but why not just figure it out, it may really be the missing piece you needed to get yourself where you want to be.. It sounds you must have gone through something terrible 20 years ago... so that all these started then..?

4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 62

Group Discussion on Session 2

alright...

had lots of turbulences recently.. private and at work (don't ask.. too many, too surreal.. too bad)

I am 'back' and would be happy to contribute in any way..

MaryAnn and Marie - are you maybe around and still interested in group discussion of week 2?

my goals are:

take everything easy. Life is too short to mess it up....

4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 62

Feel bad talking about myself

hello Want2bbetter,

please tell more.. if OK with you... wish you the best

4 years ago (Edited 4 years ago) 0 +0 / -0 62

Group Discussion on Session 2

Ashley -> Health Educator @ Jul 3, 2019 9:04:36 PM
Hi Perth,
Great to see you have started the program! I am so excited to hear that someone would like to discuss the program. That is what we are here for :)
Setting a goal is an important first step. In order to increase your success at achieving your goal it is important to ensure they are "SMART" goals. Please review Session 3 for more information. The acronym SMART is broken down as follows:
S - Specific - Be sure that you specifically outline what you want to accomplish. Breaking large goals into small steps helps too.
M - Measurable - Be sure you are able to measure if you achieved the goal or not. For example, a certain number of pages read, a certain fear level reached at a specific situation, a certain amount of time spent working on the program etc.
A - Achievable - Be sure your goals are realistic and attainable. It can be very overwhelming and demotivating if goals are too difficult to reach. Start small.
R - Resonant - Make sure you are excited about the goal and that you will feel accomplished when you achieve this goal. Goals that are not resonant make it difficult to work towards.
T - Time Stamped - Make sure you give yourself specific deadlines when you want to goal to be completed.

With this in mind, how would you change your goal to ensure it is "SMART"?
Hope to read more from you soon,
Ashley

hi Ashley,

I don't know what I did in my previous post so that it did not display properly... anyway, I am trying to remember what I wrote there :)

I wanted to thank you for your good questions, for your honest and relentless interest you show towards us all, and that since many years (!) wow, what a merit...

so - to your question, how goals can be "smart"-er:

my thoughts were, that I would ask myself, how I would like to feel once the goal is achieved. I would ask myself, how my days would look like, what the exact difference would mean, along the way, and als, once the goal is achieved.. what little (and big) things would need to change, how would I need to feel, in order to have the energy so I can make things happen.

I think that was it....

Is this about right?

4 years ago (Edited 4 years ago) 0 +0 / -0 62

Group Discussion on Session 2

4 years ago 0 +0 / -0 62

Feeling so lost

i just dont know what I should think in order to feel better. I feel so lost.

When I was a child, I was good at everything and the world was there to discover and make good decisions.

Now I feel I ended up as a loser.

nothing looks good in my life at the moment.

My work is making me depressed.

My mother became very ill years ago and it is worse and worse now. Physically and mentally. I miss her so much.

And I am now also worried about the health of my husband. He has pain and other symptoms to worry over.

I am so so afraid, that I caused all these health issues in my loved ones.

I dont know what to think, dont know how to be positive...

my husband needs encouragement, but all I have is worry.

I cry all day.. feel worthless and powerless..

what shall I do?

any help out there?

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