I recently heard of a nomination process for "Courage to come back" awards. I thought that it might be a good opportunity to write the story of the last few years and the hurdles I've been working to overcome. After complete debilitation with anxiety and many intermediary steps, I landed a decent job. It wasn't long before I was sent home on a disbility there too. After a gradual return to work process, I am back on the job, though still feeling pretty vulnerable to my elevated anxiety and persistent worry. I'm even a little worried about going to work tommorrow as I booked off time with little notice after attending a few social events over the holidays and being left pretty drained. A recent increase in medication dosage has only provided minimal relief and I look forward to the outlet that the panic center will provide.
I found that the interation with other students and teachers was the source of my failure in school settings. Teachers that were belligerent. Being forced to do group projects with students not wanting to pull their weight or being mediocre. Simply finding ways to effectively socialize with classmates left me reeling in school settings. Even when I flipped it over and was the teacher, I still wrestled with my interactions with students and completely intimidated by other teachers.
I found that making a decision in advance to simply stay in the situations went a long way to overcoming whatever "problem" arose. Whether I was feeling out of place, having symptoms, had nothing to say, was feeling ignored, I would stick with my conviction to stay the course. Without the prior self agreement, I could easily duck out without saying a word. For me, leaving with an announcement was an improvement over prior behaviour.
Congratulations on your success.
Sincere Congratulations on your improvements. My anxiety seems most debilitating when it occurs in the workplace. Fear of authoritarian bosses, inability to form cordial relations with coworkers, having to appear an expert to clients. My anxiety and worry often manifest as me wanting to avoid even going to work. This caused me to be put on disability last year and now I have to be on guard for reoccurence. I guess each one of us has a slightly different profile but I wish the simple act of getting up and properly ready for work wasn't such a chore, then I could focus on the more complex issues of personal interactions.
One successful technique that I have used in the past is to engage in some vigourous movement just before facing a stressful situation. This seems to release the tension and get the stuck energy moving. Congratulations on your successful tackling of this sticky situation.
I created an audio tape with ocean sounds and my own voice reading positive affirmations that were directly counter to my carefully identified negative belief systems. I listened to it and repeated after the speaker. Each affirmation 3-4 times on the tape so it really stuck in my memory until it became part of my inner dialogue.
I was still setting very high goals for myself when the anxiety really started to climb. I had super aspirations and real life changing actions planned. When I couldn't follow through with them, I really began to lose ground. Anxiety became depression. These days I try to take on more reasonable challenges but still wish to improve back to a level of health where I can once again take on the massive challenges that I long to achieve.
I too was first plagued with weight loss when I was prescribed Zyprexa. I was very angry at the doctor that prescribed it and sought a doctor who was better at medication management. I find my medication only provides subtle assistance and I still need to do the CBT work and really need to watch diet and exercise to combat the weight gain. I use valerian based tea for a soothing drink and am determined to get away from the coffee which has an often negative effect on me both mentally and physically. I'm never too sure when it will turn on me.
My anxiety takes the form of Social Anxiety most often. This Christmas I accepted invitations to a number of social events. I can't say I was the life of the party but I didn't run out half way through them either. I find that getting to know a group over a period of time can sometimes lessen my fear. I have to get accustom to people, practice acceptance of their idiosycracies etc. I endorse myself for making it to those parties and use the experience as a reminder that I also need a healthy way to release tension that builds up instead of letting it affect me negatively afterwards.
Good points. One has to try a number of different productions to find one that suits them, plus relaxation/stress relief works best when it is practiced consistently vs waiting for the moment they are needed. We need to build up a reserve of relaxation so that we are buffered against a rise in tension. Things I need to remember myself.
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