I started the depression program Jan 15, 2022 in the hope of getting better. My history is about ongoing depression on and off through out most of my life.
I have a question regarding chasing the thoughts of what makes me depressed. In other words I really go deep into my thoughts hoping to find an answer. Would you know if this is a healthy approach or am I just creating more trouble for myself? I guess I'm trying to analyze myself.
Ok so a little bit of history. Many years ago I had this massif panic attack over an event that was misunderstood. Watching the news on TV relieved a tragic death which I thought involved my best friend. The details where so concise I honestly thought my friend was killed in that accident. As it turned out it wasn't him when I called his home the the following day. So the kicker was that for the first time I experienced such a bad panic attack followed by many more during that night. I was basically not only concerned about my friend but also what was going on with me. At the time I didn't know that I was having a panic attack. I didn't want to talk to anyone about the experience for fear of someone telling me I'm going crazy and that is what I thought was happening to me. Fast forward I became depressed, always thinking "what is wrong with me?"
Today those many years have pasted but I still struggle with anxiety and depression. I fully understand today what I went through back then but still the emotions remain whenever I face some sort of unpleasant event. It seems that I relive those same emotions as in the past. I know it's trauma that I experienced back then. It was too intense for my brain to resolve that experience so that leads me to the question of "deep thinking."
I spend a lot of time trying to figure out if I had missed something from my past that is preventing me from moving forward so that is where the "deep thinking" is coming from. You asked if it helps and in all honesty, not really because I don't really get anywhere but it gives me a sense of doing something rather than nothing if that makes any sense. Maybe you have a point and I'm over thinking this.
Yup I can relate to what Vitesse is describing. Makes sense to me. I'm working on questioning what my fears mean to me and are they accurate. Most of my fears are a result of my own beliefs and when I research the evidence I find that I'm wrong most of the time. Fear of Fear has strong emotions attached to it. I'm learning to stand in the face of fear although it's uncomfortable I see it for what's it worth, anxious energy and nothing more. The initial anxiety is quite high but as I stick it out it fades. The time gets much shorter each time I face the fear In other words when I feel fear, instead of distracting myself or escaping I'll give myself permission to feel the fear and question it.
Thank you for taking the time to read my email. So in response to your question yes I am presently seeing an EMDR Therapist. I have had a few sessions although we haven't spent a lot of time doing EMDR work. It's a complicated process.
I have also enrolled in your anxiety and depression program since January 2022. I figure it can't hurt, right? The more insight I can gain the better.
I can also say that your anxiety program is dead on with the information that is provided. I wish I had access to this kind of stuff 40 years ago.
In the meantime to cope I follow the advice in the depression and anxiety program. I also question myself a lot to figure out what is keeping me in the loop even though I understand the "Anxiety loop" or "Depression loop." I realize that it takes time to "relearn" certain behaviors and that's the difficult thing because the mind wants to take the easy way out or perhaps better said escape when feeling bad.
I'll keep at it.
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