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Posts created by Dave848

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Resources

Hi everyone,

I've been reading a lot of posts on the forum and thought it might be a good idea to start a thread about resources we all come across that can help us address our issues and expand our knowledge base with things that take us outside the "Box" of what we normally would consider, i.e. audio programs, reading material, etc. If there is a thread on this my apologies for the redundancy and please point me in the direction of the existing one. That being said, a friend gave me a book years ago as a gift called "The Artist's Way", by Julie Cameron. I'm sure there are many on here that are very artistic and those that don't consider themselves artistic at all. It doesn't matter because the book is applicable to everyone.

There are a couple of exercises in this book that I think are extremely relevant to anyone on here and are worth trying. The first exercise is what are called "The Morning Pages". This exercise is designed to shut down that pervasive critical voice that prattles on in our head, that critical voice WE ALL have, and as Mrs. Cameron refers to as "The Censor". That merciless critic that never seems to shut up and has a good deal to do with stopping us from accomplishing our goals. We all struggle with our goals here and over and over, I’ve read (and experience myself) this war inside our minds regarding abstinence, or at the very least, the struggle to moderate. The morning pages is an exercise where you spill out of bed in the morning, preferably before everyone else so you can have peace and quiet, and the first thing you do is write 3 pages. It doesn’t matter what you write, just write. It can be anything you want, whatever comes to mind. No one can read your morning pages so you are free to put ANYTHING down on paper. I've found it best to do it immediately upon waking and not give myself a chance to think of anything else. A blank slate to start my day. I’ve done this exercise before for a few months and, let me tell you, you will uncover things that you didn’t realize were there. It’s an extremely liberating form of self-discovery that is relevant to everyone here, moderators included. I plan to pick up this exercise again because I know it will help me.

Take some time and go to the bookstore and have a read though book, particularly the first chapter called “Basic Tools”. That chapter describes these exercises in a detailed and much better fashion than my quick over-view.

I sincerely hope you approach this with an open mind and consider having a look at this book if you haven’t already. When I did these pages I realized there were a lot of unaddressed issues I had in my life and this helped to bring to them to the surface.

I hope this helps and I look forward to discovering new resources from all here as well. Always remember, knowledge is power!

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

18 Days In....Let the Cravings Begin :(

Hi Sink,

I think you and I started about the same time. I had a craving yesterday after a ride and went for an iced tea instead. I find I get a craving when I'm thirsty so my first plan is always to have a cold drink first and that usually gets rid of it. I find it helps not to think of it in terms of "Never" because I can't predict what the future holds. I can only live in today. I seems to take the pressure off.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Resources

Thanks Jenny and Sian,

This is exactly what I was hoping for. I'm definitely going to check out the resources you've recommended and it's sincerely appreciated.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

Hi Camiol,

I'm doing great, thanks for asking. I was just checking my stats in my diary and it was day 21 today sober, so I'm on to week 4 this week. I feel pretty comfortable with not drinking. In fact, life is so much better for me NOT drinking. The thought of drinking or getting drunk really doesn't appeal to me. I like my life without it and so does everyone else ( my immediate family) feels the same. I can remember vividly what I am like when I over-indulge and I refuse to live my life like that anymore. One thing that I can tell you......I feel really happy everyday, which is something that has been missing in my life. I certainly have my moments for sure but I typically have a sense hope and well-being. One by-product of drinking for me has been smoking cigarettes. After I have a few beers I'm gagging for a smoke and unfortunately it's carried into my non-drinking hours. And the more I drank that urge would extend to thinking smoking a joint was a pretty idea too. So tomorrow starts Day 1 of quitting smoking. I needed to get some time not drinking out of the way first before I bit off more than I can could chew. I'm also going to combine quitting with a 12-week workout program, a Beachbody.com CD set. They're really awesome and you can do them at home. I find when I do a workout program like that it pushes me to focus on my calories, vitamins, and my physical health and conditioning. I just don't want to smoke if I'm working out. I felt like having a beer yesterday when I got back from a ride on my motorcycle and I told wife that but I also knew it was because I was thirsty from dehydration, not some urge to have a beer (probably because she was having one and it was sitting right in front of me). So I got a big glass of ice and orange juice and felt a lot better.

I've also made some trips to the beer store/ liquor store for family members and the only time it seemed strange was the first time I went into the beer store because I would always by extra for myself. Now when I go in I just don't care. I can't expect everyone else to stop drinking because I don't want to.

I can really relate to where your coming from. It's hard to quit. I think the difference for me this time is I'm making the choice not to drink myself and not letting other people or situations make them for me. I'm not even considering the thought of "Never". That has NEVER worked for me when I tried it in the past. I just say "I'm not drinking". And if someone asks I just say "I've enjoyed it in the past but it just doesn't work for me anymore and I'm not enjoying it." Simply\e as that. And what can they say? "Come on, have a drink even though you don't enjoy it". Not bloody likely. If they did I'd tell them to....well, I'm sure you can fill in the blanks.

Camiol, if you want to stop, today is the best day to do it. I promise you, your life will get so much better removing that unnecessary pressure for your life. And I know you can. I don't know why I'm so sure of it, I just am.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

Thanks Vincenza, your support much appreciated. It really helps to have positive feedback as it strengthens my resolve.

I will say one thing, quitting smoking is a real !@%$er! I forewarned everyone in my immediate vicinity yesterday and today not to take it personally when I freak out about something as it's day 1 of quitting smoking so be patient. Well I'm happy to report I made it through day 1 without a smoke, minor spazz attacks aside, and I managed to make it home without stopping for a pack at the store. And it test it was! My SUV broke down leaving the driveway on my way to a meeting first thing in the morning......emergency crisis at the office....teenagers being, well teenagers.......lot's of money to fix the SUV.........PEOPLE FOLLOWING TO CLOSE ON THE HIGHWAY!!!!! Awesome day all around really. I tell you, a smoke would have been nice, but the worst is over. Tomorrow is a new day.

I honestly think these situations that arise when we're quitting are sent to bring us to a fork in the road to test us. When we cave we stay where we are and life throws back the same challenge until we move past it. When we don't cave it moves us forward to a better place and builds on our inner strength. Funny, drinking never even entered my mind because I was so focused on the challenge of not smoking and not letting the challenges of the day get the better of me. Little victories win the war.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

Hi Camiol,

I hope everything went well today for you. I can really feel your frustration because I've lived it myself....wanting to quit but bashing your head against the wall because your internal voice is leveraging your external situations and using them against you. It's a war of frustration. But the best thing is that you know from 4 years ago where you want to be. You've lived it and you're going to get it back. Give yourself this week to do what feels right for you. You deserve that much. And don't worry, the liquor store or beer store isn't going to suddenly close down tomorrow and no one will disown you if you don't drink so take some time to yourself. And if I can make a suggestion, separate YOURSELF from the ACTIVITY of drinking. Hate the activity but care for yourself. I think one of the great tragedies in life is that we'll readily drop what we're doing and give someone else the shirt off our back to help them, offer advice and console them when they're in pain, but we don't extend the same compassion and forgiveness to ourselves. We often hold ourselves up to an unrealistic set of expectations and when they're not met the self-criticism is merciless. And it's this vicious circle of letting ourselves down and the ever-present critical voice that pours gas (or alcohol in our case) on the fire and urges us to find relief in drinking. We escape the voice, even for a short time, and find some relief. And criticism is one big lie. You deserve to extend the same compassion and goodwill to yourself as you would for those around you.

Camiol, and Turquoise as well, why not give yourself a bit of a break and give yourself a few days where you can gather your thoughts and take yourself out of your immediate situation and get a bit of a head start on the abstinence without the external influences around you. Fix it in your mind when you are going to do it and go book some time at a spa and give something back to yourself. Spend a few days eating well, relaxing, and reading and listening to some good audio programs. Or watch t.v. and go for a walk. Maybe do it at the end of a few days of sobriety. It's just a thought but I find it's easier when I detach myself from my environment to clear my head. And no one at the spa is going to bug you to drink.

Just a (positive) thought.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Wobbly Wagon

Hi Sink,

I;m glad you've stayed on rather than avoid coming back because you drank on the weekend. That is a big step, at least it would be for me. You went 22 days without drinking so if you go do that again you'll only have drank 1x (or 2) in 45-46 days and it's your choice to continue. I'd say that's a roaring bloody success.

Regarding stress, I find working out consistently takes care of that. Even walking or riding a bicycle works well. As far as boredom goes, pursue what you love to do. Try new things. Yoga is really good for reducing stress and relieving boredom. Plus, you make new friends who aren't big drinkers.

Focus on your success of the past 22 days and definitely stick around because you're a positive influence.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

Hi Turquoise,

1 month! That's absolutely fantastic! Congratulations on that. I'm a week behind you so next Monday I will hit that mark as well. Guaranteed. As to the smoking, today is day 2 and I haven't caved but quitting smoking is definitely a more physical thing than quitting the drinking I find. I really feel it physically. It's weird because I feel like I'm doing some weird experiment on myself regarding nicotine withdrawal. Mood swings, physical cravings. It's really an exercise in self-control and will-power but I'm winning the fight. I'm trying to detach myself and view the experience from the outside. Humorously, I imagine I have a clip board in hand and a lab coat on, making notes about the experience of as I go.......I can hear myself saying "Well that's bloody interesting! I wasn't expecting that.." and jotting down notes as I go. I keep reminding myself this feeling is a temporary thing so suck it up and deal with it and it will pass. May as well have some fun with it because I brought this on myself and I'm the only one who can fix it. Road rage is never far though! :).

If you didn't glance through it before try having a read through the AVRT site I sent to Camiol:

https://rational.org/index.php?id=35

It has an interesting perspective on the ever-present voice that nudges you on to drink. I really like your idea of treating yourself. It's inspiring to hear your perspective on success and moving forward. Keep up the excellent work because it keeps all of us motivated and we can all build on each others successes as well as challenges!

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

Hi Camiol,

Great work! The first few days are a challenge for sure because it seems to take a while before we start to feel normal again. Stick with it please. I know your perspective will continue to improve and you'll find that person who is patiently waiting for things to re-balance themselves. I like your story from the soap. A very powerful message and you just never know from where they will appear.

Camiol, I've been drinking for a long time, pretty much all of my adult life. I did quit for quite a while after my kids were born but always cam back to partying and drinking. A friend I know who went through rehab told me I was an alcoholic but I do not believe that now. I was definitely an active participant in my own alcohol abuse and for the most part enjoyed the consumption part but hated the recovery part; the hang-over, depression, self-recriminations, frustration, etc. I've read a lot on the AA site about the definition of an alcoholic and it's pretty extreme so ultimately that's your call. I agree with some of the 12-steps but in reality isn't taking responsibility for our poor behavior and making amends to those around us that we've treated poorly because we were were drunk and acting like a self-centered ******* and apologizing for it what 90% of mature, self-ware adults do anyway? I agree that you've got a problem right now but the fact that you're putting it at the front of your mind to resolve it and setting goals for a vision of where you plan to take your life is the mark of someone with a lot of strength and character and I know you're on the road to accomplishing that goal. Do it happily and enjoy yourself or make it into a war of attrition, it's your choice. I find it easier to laugh at myself and find some humor in the process. Just remember, we're all here to help and support you. Stick with your vision because what you hold in your mind will manifest in reality. Keep fighting the good fight.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

Hi Camiol,

I think one of the biggest challenges we have is defining where we fit into the scale of alcohol abuse because there seems to be so many categories and we tend to see the extreme end of the spectrum. We're so close to our own situation and often look up at it from the bottom of our own despair. Invariably we often default to "alcoholic", which is the extreme end of the scale. Obviously there are various schools of thought on this topic but based on my experience they are subjective and varied and and you are the one who has the strength to define where you fit in, and your path to a more controlled situation and recovery. Ultimately we want to be "Recovered" and not in a permanent state of "Recovery". I know this works for some but not all. I like how you're being realistic about the future and being honest about getting together with your best friend. Take the time to really enjoy yourself with them and drink some water after each drink and maybe talk to them about your future plans. They are your best friend, they'll be supportive. I'd say now would be a really good time to fix a target date into your mind and get a plan together on how you want to approach this challenge going forward.

I hope this makes sense.....and keep up the hard work! Everyday is progress.

Best regards

Dave

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