Thanks everyone for all the understanding and support...

  At this moment Bob my reward is bedtime because I so look forward to being able to got to bed and end the insane fight...I know it is taking alot out of me and I am fighting with all I have..

 Tabby...do you feel addicted to the lozenges? Since I started using them I feel like I want them more and more now? 

 

Thank you Finally free..look at you with 14 days..your doing so good..

 

Brenda..you are so right about the mental part..The ones of us who have mental problems fight every day of our lives to feel good any way. so it is hard to keep fighting when doing this is making you feel horrible..i am not struggling to stay smoke free it is easy just say no but, i don't feel good even when the temptation is high and I refuse to give in..I don't know what the problem is but i go back to the doctor the 12th maybe she can add some light to this..  

 

No don't worry everyone I am not going  to give in..I  just was wandering if anyone else felt like this..Maybe it will get better soon..thanks everyone for all the support and encouragement..stay strong and well..

 

 

I came here today because for the past couple days I have been doing alot of thinking and reflecting..I smoked a cigarette about 10 minutes ago..i do not feel like I fail because it was one cigarette..Smoking one cigarette doesn't make me a quitter on my quit..I was just tired of battling this thing and said ok..just one and it may be the worse thing I could have done but I don't think it has to be..I do not have to continue smoking, I can stop just like I did over a week ago..according to my meter it says I made it through Hell week..well according to how I felt this morning and most the day it is still hell..

  The lozenges was helping but was making my throat hurt and making me dizzy..i look at it this way 1 cigarette in 8 days is awesome..and even if I have to tell myself ok you gotta wait 8 more days until you smoke another eventually i will make it to none..So you see 8 days smoke free is worth something..To me it is a beginning..I have to do this my way and no one elses..If this works for me then great, if it does not I will have to find a different way to do this..But if I stay smoke free and go to the doctor on the 12th and tell her that in 14 days I only smoked one cigarette she will be happy as can be....i am going through alot on this side..I know that no matter what i am going through it is still worth stopping but, over loading myself isn't helping..A little over two months ago I was told I had high blood pressure and am still learning how to rearrange my diet to reduce my blood pressure..i was told to lose some weight and I am trying..I am still facing a biopsy on the 12th to find out if i have cervical cancer..i have three kids here at home for the summer and my husband who was laid off of work..So everyday is a challenge and full of stress like I have never had in all my life..then I throwed stop smoking in there and made my life a big huge emotional roller coaster ride...i will still be here in the back ground reading and rooting for everyone and waiting for the time when i can jump back in and say hey look I did it..if from time to time any of you wanna know how I am doing just post and I will answer...I know everyone says not one puff ever and that one cigarette will lead to another and the truth is that it doesn't have to..we all are in control of our minds and our bodies and we decide in the end what we will do..I don't have to go smoke the rest of that pack and have no intents to..I know now how strong I am and I know what i am capable of and what i am not..I know one slip doesn't have to lead to full fledged smoking again..I know I can manage 8 days and i will do it again and see if I can make it past that this time..I hope all the best for everyone out there and really do hope each of you reach your final goal of being non-smokers...I am resetting my quit meter in a few minutes because I can't truthfully say i have been smoke free and wasn't nicotine free before that due to the lozenges..i will find a place and route that works best for me and I will find where i want to be in the end because that is what and when it all matters, the last second of our lives is when we will have to live with and realize if what we accomplished or didn't matters..I have to decide now what i can live with and accept on that one second..stay strong and well everyone..

I wanted to share this..it isn't exactly a prayer but it is helpful..

 

[IMG]http://i645.photobucket.com/albums/uu175/narz73/hands_of_god.jpg[/IMG]

ok well it didn't work..but here is what it is suppose to say without the pretty picture that went with it..It had a beautiful picture of God's hands in the back ground..But here is the message that went with it..I think it is beautiful and very meaningful and thought maybe it would be to someone else also..

 

Sometimes it's hard to give up control and ask GOD to take care of everything.

But, thats exactly what he wants us to do.

Because it's when we let go of our problems that he can take us by the hand and lead us.

I know it's difficult to take a step back when things aren't good, and I wish I could make everything

alright for you.

But only GOD can do that.

He knows which pathway you should take, and he knows where all the rocky places are.

So trust him to guide you through all of this.

Give him your burdens, give him your hand and he will never let you fall.

Aren't you all the most sweetest caring people on the web..

 

Ashely...Thank you for reassuring me and for letting me know that i am needed even while I am getting myself straightened out..I knew none of would judge me, I just thought i could use some time away but i can't seem to stay away from here because I need you all to do this..

 

Buggerd...125 days seems like a lifetime to me at this point..I know now to look out for day 8..I knew smoking that cigarette wasn't going to solve anything..I really think I did it to prove to myself that it wouldn't make anything any better..That sounds crazy don't it but that is how this messed up mind of mine works.. I knew you all was here and that i could reach out but at that moment honestly it wouldn't have mattered..I had to prove it to myself..

 

Brenda..I forgot about that...But you can through my blog on my profile as long as your not here through the thrive side...Thanks for being concerned..

Rock...I always look forward to your messages..You just seem to always say the right thing no matter what the subject is.. I can't go no where because I can't stay away from you all that long..So I just gotta suck it up and hang out with all my quit buddies even if I am feeling kinda low or out of place sometimes.. thanks for the well wishes..

I wanted to share the fact that I went back outside after posting earlier and smoked a second cigarette and when I was done I said ok that is it you failed so now pick yourself up,ditch the cigarette's and lets get back to work..I haven't touched another one..i am back on the lozenges and even if it gets so bad I can't swallow I want touch another cigarette..I proved to myself that at this point there was no point in smoking because it was a waste of time and health and my 7 days i had free..i am one crazy person and know that it was a test to see if i was really prepared to quit and that i really wanted to do this..Well i  am proud to say that i really am prepared and ready to quit and I know now why i wasn't feeling proud of myself before..I wasn't suffering the horrible things you imagine that quitting will be and I wasn't quitting for me..now I am quitting for me and for the family, but mostly for me and that is where step one has to start...I am glad it isn't as horrible as i imagined and I now know that i can really do this and that I am going to do this..

Thank you all for being here for me and for everyone else and for posting your words of wisdom for all us newbies..It may take a little bit for them to sink in but they do eventually sink in..

Hey Jim...it is amazing how one simple word can mean so much isn't it...

 

NOPE  NOPE  NOPE  NOPE NOPE..

 

that is what I gotta do for the rest of my life and i will start walking around telling myself that every minute of every day until it sinks into this hard head of mine..  You reckon if I record it onto a tape over and over and play it at night that it might work like hypnosis?