Stress
Um, did you say "go" yet? Did I hear a whistle somewhere?
This is SO at the heart of my quit!
Stress always meant the need for a cigarette, even when I was way into other quits and knew better.
Speaking only for myself, I finally get that smoking RAISES my blood pressure (I can totally feel it skyrocket when I smoke after a few days of not smoking), and ignites that feeling of dread in my stomach. It makes me chew my fingernails down to the knuckles. It makes me imagine the worst possible outcome of any scenario and blinds me to the potential.
I am SO grateful for all this new talk about it taking seven quits -- there was a time when people weren't quite so tolerant -- but after my 7 or 8 or whatever, I finally get that smoking does not make it better; it makes everything worse. Add the self-loathing that comes with failing a quit, and the downward spiral can seem bottomless indeed.
Slowly, slowly, one baby step at a time, I am STARTING to get that stress is NOT relieved by smoking; it is totally exacerbated by smoking. Breathing, seeing beyond the immediate crisis, insisting on perspective (Greek: peri-scopos, seeing through, seeing beyond) claims an authority, an autonomy, I never had as a smoker. Cigarettes are my knee-jerk re-action to being controlled by situations and people. Not smoking is my conscious choice not to be controlled, but to control and overcome.
You SO hit the nail on the head for me, Breanne! Thanks for helping me articulate my own battle.
peteg
My Milage:My Quit Date: 2/10/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 36
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,800
Amount Saved: $405.00
Life Gained:Days: 6
Hrs: 17
Mins: 39
Seconds: 57
