Hi

Well.. I guess the mods already know me. I will introduce myself to the rest of you. I went to the doctor yesterday and he diagnoised me as being depressed. I quit smoking over 15 months ago and have attributed everything I've been feeling to that quit. Others have told me I need serious mental help (from stop smoking site) and I have been fighting them tooth and nail. I have blaimed quitting smoking for everything I have been feeling and apparently those at the other site were right and I was wrong. I can no longer show my face there. They were so mean in their conviction that I needed mental help and I got so frustrated defending myself. And now I have to face the fact that they were right and their crewl remarks were the truth. I am extremely embarrased and I haven't been able to stop crying since leaving the Dr.s office. I am trying to work and trying to function. Not doing to well. I have even thought of saying forget it all and going back to the smoking but I guess that is a totally different issue. I feel so foolish. I guess that is it for now.

The program

How do we work the program, where is it and how does it work?

Ready to Give Up

I haven't been here in a while and I see the activity is still very slow. I don't know if there is any hope for me. I was diagnoised with depression back in October and have been doing Counseling ever since. I have worked on offsetting the negative thoughts. I have had my medication changed. Then I had my medication increased and I'm still a basked case full of emotion. My counselor decided that the medicine is just not doing it's job. She says that I've had many years of a lot of "stuff" happen and it won't be better over night. She contanted my MD and told him how she feels. My MD didn't call her back so she asked me to call. I called and the nurse told me that he hadn't called the counselor but that they had discussed me (been going to this doctor for about 15 yrs). She said I am on the medication the DR wants me on and he doesn't want to change it or for me to come off of it. We will discuss it again in May when I have my next appointment. I give up. I had hope when the counselor said that the medication wasn't right. It somehow made me believe the problem wasn't me. But apparently the problem IS me. I'm so tired of fighting this crap. All the negative thoughts, all the tears. What is the point. No I'm not suicidal. I'm just ready to quit. Quit taking the medicine, quit talking about all this crap, quit counseling, isolate myself like I'm good at, and go back to smoking. I was sane then. I was quite functional. I don't know if anyone is out there or if anyone understands. I guess that's about all I have to say.

Ready to Give Up

Ava, It's nice to know I'm not alone. One of the greatest downers for me is that I am alone. That isn't necessarily true. I have two boys, 13 & 5. But I feel completely alone a lot of times and it is almost like I am constantly recovering from a broken heart. The medication is suppose to help isn't it? So if I have the medication and I'm not any better then the problem is "ME". It's so hard to understand and even harder to know what to do.

Ready to Give Up

Thanks Ava for letting me know I'm not out here all alone. Danielle, I have contacted my doctor, my counselor has contacted my doctor. My doctor says he doesn't want to make any changes. I am working my way through this and have been since late October. I'm not getting very far. I make a little progress and then it all seems to go down the drain.

Ready to Give Up

I don't understand and I don't know what else to do. I have faced many adversities in my life and have come through some really tough times a better person because of it all or despite of it all. Danielle, you just don't know. There are days I think throwing my quit out of the window just might save my sanity. I haven't been using the other site but I have been using my quit buddies. They are always there thank God. This is a battle I don't understand and I can't see my way clear. I will continue to work towards a better day. I said earlier today that I refuse to give up this fight. This depression, anxiety, whatever you want to call it will not get the best of me either!

Here Again,

I've been here before but found very little activity. I am hoping this time will be different. I am a member of another support community by these good people that is very successful and helped me to quit smoking. I'm hoping to find help in getting over or through depression as well. This is the forum for that. I am Lady and here is a little of my story. I quit smoking nearly 2.5 years ago and found that I had used nicotine to squash depression for probably my entire adult life. It took me 1.5 years to finally talk to my doctor about it, seek counseling and get some help. Mainly out of desperation. I wasn't able to function normally anymore. My doctor and I went through several medicines before we finally found the right combination. I've seen a counselor just about every week for the past year. I've hated being on medication just to get through normal life. To me, I just don't think I should have to take 3 pills a day (sometimes more) just to be able to keep the tears from falling and to work like an every day person. I've made a lot of changes in my life. I've relocated to a new area about 4 hours away from where I was living. This removed a lot of obsticles I had in my life, my exhusband, my father, my daughter (who is 20, grown, married and pregnant). I have two sons, 14 & 5 and the schools here are awesome compared to where we were. I have the dream job that I worked many years to get through school and obtain and I have a new love that absolutely amazing. What more could you ask for??????? So since I have all these positives going on in my life I want to get off the medication. Also, things are tight financially after the move because I still have my home in the old city I lived in and the cost of living here is much higher. I'm trying to cut costs at every opportunity and this medication isn't cheap. So here I am again. I take 150mg of Effexor XR a day. I also take Buspar twice a day and have Klonipin that I take when I need something extra. The times I need extra are usually when I'm around all those things I mentioned above that I have left. I have 75mg Effexor that my doctor and I tried to cut down to a couple of months ago. After just a few days of the lower dosage, the counselor and I decided that with all the changes going on I should wait another six months to try to cut down and then eventually come off the medication. I guess that is plenty for now. I hope to get some responses and support this time. Lady

God

I just have to reply here. One of the greatest bible studies I have ever done is "Lies Women Believe". It is about Christian women, every day people like you and me, that suffer from depression. While I'll admit that my relationship with God isn't the best in the world, it isn't impossible to believe when you are depressed. My "faith" (belief or whatever you want to call it) comes from years of experiencing God at work in my life. In the bible it says, [i]Seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be open unto you; ask and it will be given to you. [/i]. Another great book I read was by Dr. David Jeremiah about prayer. It says that we have not because we ask not. There are plenty of resources out there for struggling people who want to know more about God. If you don't look for Him, you will not find Him. If you don't want Him, He will not bother you. There are plenty of times that I don't feel very clost to God. One thing I keep reminding myself is that if I don't feel Him it isn't He who has moved away from me; rather I that have moved away from Him. Ever read Footprints in the Sand?

Do Meds Bother You?

I just want to know if being on medication bothers you? I've seriously had a hard time accepting that I need medication to get through life. I take 150mg of Effexor XR every day. I've read of some difficulties of coming off of the drug. My counselor and a couple of people really close to me are discouraging me not to come off of it until my life is a little more stable. My doctor said we can decrease the dosage but to go right back to the normal dosage if I have any trouble at all and gave me enough 75mg to take twice a day if I need to. I hate being on medication. I have hated it since before I was even put on it. I went into a tailspin when the doctor put me on it to begin with. I would like to know how the rest of you feel.

Do Meds Bother You?

Thank you so much CraZ. You have given me a new perspective on the meds. I do feel fine most of the time now. I often question going to the counselor as well but I'm always glad to see her. It's like a visit with a friend that knows where I'm coming from. I hate all the meds but I guess going back to the way things were would be far worse than trying to be superwoman and getting through things on my own. dumpling, thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone. You are right about being stable like my two closest friends said. I don't want to go backwards. I just don't know how to accept that this is my life. I am very happy these days. I guess maybe that is why I want to come off the meds. They do their job and I think it's time to stop because I'm "healed". Thanks for the support and replies. It really helps.