Well, here we go again. My 14 year old, who has been my pride and joy because he is such a compasionate, intelligent kid, stole out of my purse. After the incidents of a few weeks ago, he steals from me. I so want to quit being a parent. I know I have to overcome these feelings.
I'm just so disappointed in my child. I know kids make mistakes but I feel like I'm in sinking sand here. That's enough. That is all I wnat to share right now. I can't share it all.
I can't seem to get started on Session 4. I don't know why. I can't seem to get motivated. I really am doing ok. I meet with my counselor tomorrow and have a lot I want to talk to her about. I wish I knew how to push on forward to the next session.....
Does anyone else have this problem of getting motivated?
I just finished reading through this session. WOW! A lot of valuable information here.
I even went as far as to take the list and break it down to things I believe to be true and things I used to believe were true.
I AM making progress!
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So my body has a tendency to be out of balance chemically... I was taught to be negative, prefectionist, and hard with myself. ... My early experiences reinforced what I incorrectly deduced... so my path has crossed many mountain ranges... foothills, prairies, deserts, etc.
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And Yes Confused. Everyone has a story. Growing up I felt my mother hated me and really still feel that way. She doesn't have much to do with me or my children and to this day I have no idea why.
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I took to my bed and withdrew from the world. Enough -- I don't like this game and I don't want to play anymore!
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I am so HERE right now. I don't want to play anymore. I'm trying to fit into a new life that I began in July of this year. I packed up my two boys and relocated to where we dont' know a soul. For the most part it has been good. A lot of the negative people in my life have been removed.
I've been working with my counselor for over a year now and I really wonder if I will ever make any progress. Although a couple of people really close to me say I am making progress, I don't see it or feel it.
I've tried to meet with my minster on a few occassions and was back at my old church this past Sunday. When asked if I had talked with the new minister in the church by my home I said there is too much conflict. My minister told me I had conflict when I was there (before I moved). Great! It's still my fault.
I don't know what I'm doing, where I'm going or what steps to take next. I need to lose weight because I'm a fat idiot. I convense myself that my boyfriend is sick of me when that probably isn't the case at all. I don't want to call my counselor anymore. I feel like I bug her constantly. My doctor is 4 hours away and I haven't found a new one yet. I just don't have a foundation at all. I'm all alone here and it's dark and cold.
Yes. Where do we go from here? How do we live day after day without this horrible feeling of despair? I get so tired of feeling this way. I'm beginning to wonder if I need to go back up on my meds. In November we cut the dosage to half. I've been doing great but now I'm back in school working on my MBA. I'm still trying to do everything else I was before too. My counselor tells me I need to simplify my life. What do you cut? School, work, the kids, church, or what? Easier said than done.
Where do we go from here. How do we stop the tears?
Confused,
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Overwhelm and I are very good friends, so maintaining perspective is a constant struggle for me but I function when I have it and am in tears of despair when I don't.
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Do you live inside of me? I could have written this statement myself. Perspective is such a difficult thing for me to maintain. I have to constantly remind myself to ask how important things really are and to make sure I'm viewing them from a positive and not negative perspective.
I also have been in the process of eliminating the negative people in my life. To the extent that I relocated myself and my two youngest children to be rid of those influences in all three of our lives. It truly is making a difference for all of us. I keep telling myself that my life is good and I really like where I am now. My future is so bright.
My counselor says I react to both good and bad stress exactly the same. At first I thought that was strange but I think she has a point. There are days that it is so difficult to push forward and to climb out of the pit of "self"? I really don't know what you would call it. Some call it self pity but I'm not sure that terminology works. I don't view it as the pity pot. What do you call it?
This is an interesting forum and I liked the fact that others have the same issues as I.
I'm lonely, tired, scared, unworthy, and don't feel I have value in this world yet I take care of 2 kids alone, work full time and am in school furthering my education. My career is at it's best and I have the best job I've ever had.
So my question to this group is.... is it really the "pity pot"? So many refer to my bouts of despair as misdirected perspective and just simply feeling sorry for myself. I don't like being alone. I feel my life isn't worth anything if I don't have anyone over the age of 10 to share it with. You know what I mean? Is that self pity or is it something else? I don't think it is a pity pot. It is a situation that I really hate. Is that so wrong? How can I stop feeling this way?
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