I Slipped

Thank you FreeMom!! Wonderful words of encouragment. I'm up on the hoss again and Lord, I hope I won't get bucked off again. I'm digging in. Actually, I have my arms and legs wrapped around that hoss!!!! Keep writing me. I really need the encouragment. Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 57 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2.79 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 39 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

I Slipped

N2K, keep telling me things like that. Now, that's what I'm talking about!! I don't know if I have an "emotional" attachment to cigarettes. I guess I do or I wouldn't suffer the "mind games" that I suffered when I quit on the 14th. But, I have no idea what type of emotional attachment I have or where it comes from. I guess I'll learn that over time. You're right though, it IS my life....MY life. I like hearing that and it makes me feel stronger. Thank you for that. Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 60 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2.79 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 50 [B]Seconds:[/B] 50

false start

BabeyBlue, I know how you feel. I did the same thing just last night so I get to start over with you. I really thought I'd make it this time. I was really giving myself some positive pep talks each time a craving hit but last night, I couldn't sleep and was so bored that I caved in. Now, I'm beating myself up. I can't believe I gave in and I'm so disappointed in myself. All that work since Valentines Day is wasted. Except that I learned one huge thing.....When I lit up, I started sneezing like you wouldn't believe!!! All of this time I thought I was allergic to everything BUT cigarettes. I just wouldn't admit to myself that I was allergic to smokes. But when I'm sitting here puffing, sneezing, and blowing my nose, it's pretty hard to deny. I found three cigarettes in a pack and smoked every one of them. I'm really ashamed of myself. I'll restart my quit meter with you and I have my big bottle of water to drink. I need some suggestions in the worst way. My triggers are all over the house. For one thing, I live here so I smoke here but, we also have a home based business so, there are even more triggers. I'm looking around trying to find one place that isn't a trigger. I guess I could sit in the bathroom, dining room, or laundry room. I need to escape from my house some but I'm stuck here so much working on the books and answering the business line and the computer is a huge trigger for me. Help!! Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/14/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 236 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11.16 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 54 [B]Seconds:[/B] 39

I Slipped

Well, I didn't think I would but I slipped last night. After all of the positive pep talks I gave to myself and after all of your encouragment, I had a sleepless night and was so bored. I found three cigarettes in a package that I didn't know was still here and I smoked them. I'm very embarrassed, disappointed, and mad at myself and I know I've disappointed all of you as well. Right now, I'm kicking myself pretty good because all of my hard work since Valentine's Day has been undone. Yesterday it felt like the cravings weren't just coming and going but rather one, long craving that lasted throughout the day. So yesterday evening I went to bed early with the thought in mind to sleep through the cravings. But I woke up in the middle of the night, since I went to bed so early, and was so restless and bored that I caved in. I found those three cigarettes and felt so relieved but when I lit the first one, I knew I had set myself back to square one. Right now, I feel very defeated and I'm trying to regroup. Like I said on another post, I keep looking all over my house for a place that isn't a trigger for me and they're few and far between. Not only do I live here and made the mistake of smoking in my house but my husband and I have a home based business so there are even more trigger points for me. The computer being one of the biggest triggers. I feel that I need to get out of the house more but that's so hard for me to do when I'm here working on books and answering the business line. Then after the office work is complete, my regular household chores begin. So I'm trying to work it out in my mind just what I need to do avoid all of those triggers which happen to be all around me. My quit has to be cold turkey. I can't take Chantix because I had a seizure 24 years ago and have to take medication to keep from having another one. My doctor doesn't want me to take anything that effects the brain. Like Nicotine doesn't? Nicorette gum and the lozenges are out of the question as well because I'm diabetic and on insulin. Both products have warnings that diabetics shouldn't use them. I'll reset my quit meter for tomorrow, the 19th, since I actually smoked those three cigarettes after midnight. This time, I'll take in a lot more wat

I Slipped

Nonic, I'm now entering into Day 5 and I'm still hanging in there with no desire to throw in the towel on my quit. I started over once, I won't do it again. This time has been far more difficult, hell in fact, than my Valentines Day quit. Day 3 was horrible. I'm sure you've seen my post, "Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me." ha ha ha I can laugh now but it was NOT funny at all on Day 3. It was a living nightmare filled with one constant, relentless craving and painful withdrawals that absolutely exhausted me. The cravings and withdrawal symptoms were still with me on Day 4 but not as bad. Nonic, I have no idea why I smoked for 30 years. I know I STARTED smoking because it was the "cool" thing to do. Smoking because I thought it was "cool" was enough to turn me into an addict. If there's an underlying "issue" or "issues" that I need to confront, I'm not aware of them. As far as I know, I started smoking because I thought it was "cool" the "In Thing" to do and that's enough to get kids addicted. Then that addiction is extremely hard to break as we all know. I'm assuming that I smoked for 30 years because I'm an addict and I allowed, in fact, I invited cigarettes to be a part of damn near everything in my life. I'm sure cigarettes eventually became a crutch for when I was anxious, nervous, sad, angry, or even happy. But I'm still not aware of any underlying, painful "issue" that needs to be dealt with there. As far as I know, those are all emotions that I chose to share with my good ole buddy the smoke. So, I felt a sense of loss without by buddy. Plus, I'm an addict. You may or may not be right...I don't know. I guess that's something I'll find out in time. But, I'm one of those people that doesn't believe that there has to be a deep, dark, issue behind every problem in life. Often times problems, addictions, and bad choices can be caused by something very simple. Something right there in plain sight without a great deal of deep analysis, probing, or philosophical reasoning. For example: An ignorant, naive kid who thought she looked so cool with a smoke hanging out of her mouth while she hung out with her pals.....her pals who all smoked. I don't blame my parents either. ha ha ha Sorry guy, I just can't find that underl

New - well not really

PeterPan, You have the same feelings I have had. When you said, "I want to quit but I want to smoke"....that's what I felt. I guess that's what I thought I felt. The fact is, the rational part of me WANTS to quit with everything I have while the ADDICT in me wants the next fix. I mean, the addict in me wants that fix real, real bad. The addict in me would love to smoke a cigarette as long as my left leg right now. But, the rational part of me is screaming, "I want to live, this is my life, my quit, I want to see my children have children, I don't want my family worrying about my health anymore, I don't want to worry about my health anymore, I don't want my hair and clothes to stink of stale smoke, I don't my breath to stink to the point where my own dog will put his nose to my mouth and look at me as if to say, "What the hell have you been eating, girl?," I'm tired of feeling like the outcast because smokers ARE outcast now, I'm tired of feeling embarrassed by my smoking,and I'm really tired of making plans and decisions around my smoking habit. That's just some of my list. Maybe if you make your own list, it'll help and focus on that list. I know exactly how you feel. I thought the same thing until the folks on the site led me to see the light. There's a huge difference between wanting to smoke and the ADDICT wanting a fix. I realized that the rational part of me didn't want to smoke at all. That part of me wanted to kick the habit once and for all. What I had to do is decide who I was going to listen to....the rational part of myself who cares about my health and the health of others or the addict in me that just lives for the next fix. I went with the rational part of myself. I'm not saying it's easy. It's damn hard. Quitting sure isn't for sissies. I'm finishing up Day 4 of my Quit and yesterday was horrible. Today was better. I'm sure it'll be that way for quite some time but I want to keep plugging away. Just know we all know how you feel. When you quit smoking, it is a life changing event. But it's something I know you can do and we're all hear to help, listen, and support you. Hugs, Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 264 [B]A

Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me...Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery

Day 4 was okay up until late this afternoon. Then, those withdrawal symptoms came again, along with hard cravings, and those nasty anxiety attacks. You know, 2 out of the 3 would be hard enough!! Two would be plenty.....no need for that third one. So, I'm going to curl up in the bed, watch TV, and let this afternoon sort of roll off. I'm still hanging in here but it is tough. It's physically exhausting. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Rest time now!! My Best Thoughts to All of You, Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 266 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11.16 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 18 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25

whoa is me!

FreshAir, Good for you!!! You're doing so great. I drank a whole lot more water on Day 1 too. It was a lot easier to get massive quantities of water down on that first day. On Day 3, drink as much water as you can then if you can catch a nap during the day and then go to bed early tomorrow night, that'll be good. When the sun rises the next morning, that 72 hours will be over with and behind you. Yee Hah!!! You're almost there and I'm right here with you. That crying thing was strange and so out of character the other day, wasn't it? Man, I'd get up with tears in my eys, walk off where no one could see me, my chin quivering, and think to myself, "Oh crap!! What is happening here? This isn't me and I have no control over these tears." It was pretty shocking for me. But I realized that I was just blowing off steam. It was either cry or smack my husband around just a little bit. ha ha ha ha Holler at me if you need to talk. I'll be checking in A LOT!! Gotta have my buddies here to talk to. Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 309 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 18 [B]Seconds:[/B] 16

Think Gas is a side affect?

I reckon it's time for me to sound off here. I was hoping I'd get lucky and bypass this stinkin' symptom but NOPE, no such luck. I'm f@rting like a 450 lb. man!!! I can't help but laugh because the first time it happened, my husband looked scared. He looked at me as if I'd just emerged from a egg sack in Sci-Fi movie. Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 309 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 30

whoa is me!

Janine, I'm on Day 5 now of my quit. If you'll look at the forums under Coping with Withdrawals, you'll see my post called, "Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me..Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery." ha ha ha Janine, I'm laughing at the moment but on Day 3, I felt like a serial killer on a crying jag!! I was pissed off because I wanted to smoke, pissed off that I wanted to quit, pissed off that I was craving a smoke so bad, pissed off that I didn't have a cigarette anywhere around, pissed off because I felt like a wimp, I started crying and then, I got pissed off because I started crying!! I felt pathetic. I had to come to this site to vent because I really felt like I was about to cave in and go buy a pack of cigarettes. Man, that would have given me yet another thing to be pissed off about. The thing is Janine, I know it's not the REAL you having crying spells anymore than it was the REAL me the other day. I think it's that addict, the part of us so hooked to nicotine, who's having a temper tantrum. I think we cry to release some of the pressure from the withdrawals we're feeling. So, let the addict rant because that means you're making progress. Every time you feel miserable craves and those God awful withdrawals, keep reminding yourself that your body is healing with each and every one of them. You ARE making progress with each and every symptom that you feel. Have your gum, hard candy, sunflower seeds, toothpicks, straws, whatever, to keep that hand to mouth thing occupied. And for those cravings, drink tons and tons of water. I don't know what it is about water but, it helps you through the cravings. Plus, move around some....even if it's 50 jumping jacks, a quick shower, brushing your teeth, whatever, just do something during that crave. For God's sake, keep venting. We're here for you and you need to talk about what you're feeling. It really, really helps. And when you feel that you're having a horrible time of it, talk to us and we'll get right back with you. You're doing great. This too will pass. Hugs, Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 305 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[