Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me...Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery

Hi Danielle, Day 5 is going pretty well so far. Again I say, "so far" as if I'm waiting for those relentless cravings to show their ugly heads along with the withdrawal symptoms and anxiety attacks. I tend to be on my guard because the symptoms seem to get worse late in the afternoon and evening. But I do believe things are settling down quite a bit. I think I'm over the worst of the withdrawal symptoms and by that I'm talking about getting the shakes and hot flashes. Actually, those symptoms were gone for the most part on Day 4. The Anxiety attacks....well, I've suffered from those in the past so I know what they are when and if they come. My anxiety attacks tend to come on me if there's a big upset in my routine. ha ha ha Yep, QUITTING, is a huge change in my routine. I did speak with my doctor about the attacks because I didn't want them to become too severe and he believes they will settle down once my system adjusts to being a non-smoker. I do too. I feel a little anxiety today but nothing to get worked up about. Day 3!! was a different story. ha ha ha ha I'm still having cravings but not so bad that I can't cope with them. They're not constant or real intense. It seems like I trigger a crave myself by, out of habit, reaching for a cigarette that isn't there. I'll either reach for a cigarette, or think about having one, to have with my coffee or whatever and then it hits me, "I don't smoke anymore. I'm a non-smoker." At first, I'll feel a little disappointed that there are no smokes around for me but then, I'll feel so much better thinking of all the benefits of being smoke free. I'll have some bad days I'm sure but, the more days added to my quit, the stronger I feel. Thank you so much for asking about Day 5. I really appreciate it Danielle. Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 305 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 7 [B]Seconds:[/B] 53

Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me...Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery

I feel so bad about this but I've sort of shut myself away from everyone, except for my husband and ya'll. (Sorry about the ya'll but I'm Alabama born and raised in Texas) Everyone knows that I've quit smoking because I've told them. But, I try to get off of the phone as quick as I can and as far as my personal email, I'm not even bothering with it. The computer is one of my biggest triggers so, I work on my books here in the office and talk to my friends on this site. I feel very guilty for not corresponding with friends and family. I need to get a hold of this because if I don't explain to everyone WHY I feel the need to limit my computer time, they may become offended. They'll draw the wrong conclusion and may think I'm avoiding them for personal reasons. I'm not avoiding my friends and family, I'm avoiding spending too much time at once on the computer. It's hard to explain but I'm sort of numb right now. Like I'm not exposing myself to too much and I'm staying away from those triggers as much as possible. Like I'm protecting my quit while the healing process takes place at the same time. I've cleaned and rearranged everything on my desk. I have pictures of my husband and kids sitting around me. I have a big candle sitting and burning where the ashtray once sat. Along with my candy jar filled with sugar free gums and candies. Anyway, has anyone else felt this need to sort of go numb, spend time with yourself, and avoid phone conversations? Or if the computer is a trigger, have you avoided your email so that you're not on the computer for so long at a time? I'm winding down Day 5 now. Most of the day went pretty well but late this afternoon, rather strong cravings came again. Rather strong? No, some of them were VERY strong. I was so hoping that today I would just have those urges instead of really strong cravings. That's pretty disappoining and those cravings do wear a person out...physically and mentally. I'm still hanging in there though. Would love to hear from you. hahahaha Hugs, Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 316 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 39 [B]Seconds:[/B]

Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me...Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery

Hi Aunt Deb, Your post is so comforting. Thank you so much for that. I know I need this time to heal and I do need to baby my quit. I've sort of cocooned myself while I protect my quit by being in a state of....transformation? Is that the word I'm looking for? At any rate, you know what I'm talking about and I'm so glad you answered me so quickly. It is completely against my nature to go numb like this so I needed some advice. Thanks Again AuntDeb. You're a peach. Hugs, Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 316 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 42 [B]Seconds:[/B] 36

"The Issues"

Okay, While I was smoking, almost 30 years, I expressed every single emotion I felt. I'm one of those people where the intensity level of my emotions is way up there. When I'm happy, I'm bouncing all over the place, goofy, and full of laughter and smiles; when I'm sad, I'm really sad and miserable; when I'm mad, I mad as hell and will release small amounts of anger at a time until I say everything I want to say (I won't wait until my temper builds to the point that I blow a gasket); when I'm worried, I'm so worried that I'm pacing and wringing my hands; if my feelings are hurt, I extremely hurt and will cry, when I'm scared, I'm almost terrified, etc. With all of my emotions I clearly express, in words and motions, how I'm feeling. I can't bottle things up. Talking things out has always been my way of dealing with things. I've always been that way. My feelings have never been masked. No one could ever proove that by my behavior. So, by being a non-smoker, just how intense are my emotions suppose to get? I don't want to get mad, turn green, grow huge teeth and muscles, then bust out of my clothes. Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 319 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 46 [B]Seconds:[/B] 21

The void, the emptiness and that feeling in the gut!

Wow Jackey!! You're doing a fantastic job!!! Thank you for explaining things to me. I'm understanding that these cravings that I feel right now and the sadness will come say, 6 months from now but in waves. As long as it isn't constant. Phew!!! Things are strange right now. I was fine this morning, felt great, but for some reason I get slammed with cravings in the late afternoon and at night, along with this empty, sad feeling. I understand where those feelings come from, I just didn't realize they can last (off and on) for months. Thank you for explaining things. I really appreciate it. Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 328 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 13 [B]Seconds:[/B] 26

Having one of those days...

Danielle, I'm lovin' it!! Do you know how some diabetics will increase their insulin to the food they eat? For example: Take an extra 12 units or so right before they eat that piece of cake. That's not me. I adjusted my diet to my insulin. I haven't had a dead blame biscuit in 4 years!! ha ha ha That's alright. It can always be worse. I love the idea of being able to take less insulin. I have to take two injections a day. Increasing my exercise and maintaining my diet, I may be able to decrease my insulin further. Oh, and I got in touch with my Dr. today. I'm really excited about this. Thank you so much Danielle, Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 6 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 330 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $16.74 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 15 [B]Seconds:[/B] 22

The void, the emptiness and that feeling in the gut!

Riverdale, you seemed offended by my post. It was not my intention to offend anyone and I'm aware of the reasons why this site exists. Fully aware. I was in trouble on day 3 and I'm not doing all that great tonight, Day 5. If you'll read my post again, you may catch the fact that I was asking someone to help me to understand the miserable feelings associated with quitting so many days into a quit. Over the last two days, I've been really taken a back that these feelings can last for so long. In the last paragraph, I merely stated how I was feeling on my 5th day. Terribly sorry if you misunderstood. Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 328 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 11 [B]Seconds:[/B] 48

The void, the emptiness and that feeling in the gut!

This entire thread scares the crap out of me. I had to go cold turkey, the 5th day of my quit is coming to an end, those 72 hours are now gone, and the nicotine in my system is gone as well. But I keep finding posts where folks are miserable and so depressed well into their quit. As far as 6 months into their quit and I'm confused by this. Can someone help me to understand? My 5th Day is coming to a close and right now, I feel like crying again. Not because of this thread. I started feeling like a wimp again this evening. I don't know why I feel like crying....I just do. I'm not feeling happy right now at all. Hugs, Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 325 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 3

Struggling really Badly

Heya FreeMom, I hope you're doing a little better......NO, a lot better. You've been doing such a wonderful job. Listen, I'm just now closing out my 5th day of quitting so, I'm not going to pretend to know as much as the rest of the folks on this site. But, I've been quit long enough to recognize a craving and those sorry mind games. You said that you're not really having cravings. Then you said that your mind is playing games on you by telling you that you didn't smoke that much in the first place. Basically, your mind (the addict in you)is trying to con you into smoking. FreeMom,that is a craving. Your mind (the addict in you)is giving you all kinds of reasons to light up. You're under stress right now and you've been cooped up in the house for too long. You NEED to get out of the house and get some fresh air. Financial problems are a pain in the butt. You know what? After 27 years of marriage and 3 children, I've learned that those financial problems will work out. The kiddo's, you do need a break from them. You're only human so of course you need a break. You deserve a break. School break will be over before you know it but, until it is, make sure you have the kids on a schedule to insure that they're in bed early enough for you to have YOUR time alone. Then when hubby comes back from his trip, tell him that you need a break to maintain your quit. FreeMom, I started out as a closet smoker. I wasn't fooling anyone. The more cigarettes I smoked in that closet, the more smokes I wanted. Crap, I was spending a lot of time in the closet!!! I promise you, you will break free of that closet and start smoking more and more and more. Please don't give up on your quit. You're doing a wonderful job. Please vent all you want to and we'll answer back. I know I've been right where you are. Talk to me all you want and need to. Okay? Hang in there, please. I need you here with me too. Hugs, Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 5 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 328 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13.95 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 10 [B]Seconds:[/B] 41

Gloom, Despair, and Agony on Me...Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery

Hi TryAgain, What a nice reply and I'm still hanging in there. I won't let go. I'll be glad when it's time for bed because I'd like to sleep for a while now. Phew!! This day has really worn me out. The cravings were bad enough but the withdrawal symptoms were the pits. I'm getting to the end of day 3 though. You keep fighting too, okay? I'm here if you need me. I want you to have that chocolate cake. hee hee Tutti [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/18/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 3 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 206 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $8.37 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 32 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13