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Challenging Worry

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-04-20 11:42 PM

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Linda Q

2024-04-11 5:06 AM

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Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-04-08 3:54 PM

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16 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Wildcat. What you are saying makes perfect sense. Yes, I too give 110% and feel "obligated" to volunteer and be super mom, super woman, and super employee. I cannot be all things and that is true. I need some time to collect myself, regroup and find a center safe zone. I did move about six months ago away from my home of 15 years. I relocated four hours away for a better job, better area, better schools, and more opportunities for the kids. I do not have a foundation here. I'm still trying to find my place. I have a friend who keeps telling me to just "live" each day but that is so complicated for me. It sounds simple but it isn't so simple. The thoughts that run through my head constantly are very draining. I have gone back up on my effexor to 150 mg. 75 just isn't doing it for me anymore. I am also trying to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist in hopes that he can help me get the medication correct. I've played the trial and error game with my family doctor for 2 years now and it just isn't working for me. Something else that came out in a discussion last night... I often feel I'm not loveable. There isn't much to love. Perhaps it is "I" that doesn't love me and not others. I am very criticle of myself and think that I just "have" to do this and that. Oh yes, what you said below makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
16 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I do not know what you will make of this but here goes... you mentioned the idea of simplifing your life and asking were to cut?? perhaps it is not JUSt a reschedualing that is needed. Perhaps, it is more ? Perhaps it it the amount of energy you put into each activity, the amount of comittment. For myself I cannot give less than 110% - hence how I got into my worst periods of depression... Work, Family, Studies, Husband, Volunteering, Hobbies... I wanted every one of these things in my life to be -perfect-. Slowly I learned that each is a part of me but I am more. Does this make sense? I do this things because I want them as a part of my life but... my life is something above.. so I went looking for some way to understand what I AM. From there I was able to choose what I wanted right now, in one year, in five years. I am and never was particularly ambitious, so I have settled on a JOB. Not a career. I go in do MY THING, MY WAY. That is is. My family is the most important center right now! So I give all I can to my husband and children. I avoid volunteer work like the plague, because there is need and their need drains me. Can can offer only a small bit of me... so for now this is my choice ... I have not abandonned the things that I hold close. Only, I am not available for now... So what do you want to simplify? Are you academic goals too ambitious? If no, this is great... if yes, perhaps you might want to stretch your time out over and extra, or two etra semesters? Would you feel comfortable cutting your commitmitment to your church for a time to give you a chance to pull in some energy? Would a two hour activity for the children on weekends give you some space? -just a notion- in other posts recently, the notion of building a home has come up repetedly! somehow there is a sentiment of root-less-ness, a feeling of not being secure and stable. There is a lack of social-something. sorry. i am so not well these past few days and all my thoughts were flushed into my intestines with the effexor and seroquel.
16 years ago 0 183 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Okay, so I'm reading things out of order... Good for you for eliminating the negative people. It sounds a little inane to say that a strategy to combat depression is to associate with happy people, but it really does make a difference to not have people dragging you down all the time. I relocated myself and my two girls back to my home town after my divorce, thinking that it would be good to be around family. I'd been gone for 12 years, though, and I think my lenses were somewhat rose-coloured. Or maybe they just still see me as the person I was when I left -- strong, positive, supportive (single, no children...) and haven't yet realized that soul-destroying stuff can happen in 12 years. Either way, it's been really quite painful for me to be back here, but my girls are doing well and I just can't bring myself to uproot us all again. Self-pity is the term, I guess, but it has such a negative connotation to it. It feels to me more like you described it -- a deep, black pit which I have to find a way out of... Some days the footholds are quite obvious, and some days the walls might as well be made out of glass. No, wet tar.
16 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Confused, [quote] Overwhelm and I are very good friends, so maintaining perspective is a constant struggle for me but I function when I have it and am in tears of despair when I don't. [/quote] Do you live inside of me? I could have written this statement myself. Perspective is such a difficult thing for me to maintain. I have to constantly remind myself to ask how important things really are and to make sure I'm viewing them from a positive and not negative perspective. I also have been in the process of eliminating the negative people in my life. To the extent that I relocated myself and my two youngest children to be rid of those influences in all three of our lives. It truly is making a difference for all of us. I keep telling myself that my life is good and I really like where I am now. My future is so bright. My counselor says I react to both good and bad stress exactly the same. At first I thought that was strange but I think she has a point. There are days that it is so difficult to push forward and to climb out of the pit of "self"? I really don't know what you would call it. Some call it self pity but I'm not sure that terminology works. I don't view it as the pity pot. What do you call it?
16 years ago 0 183 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
When I'm deep in the depths, it's hard for me to remember to do the things that will help me feel better, but when I'm less deeply mired understand that it's important for me to have a longer-term perspective. Taking one day at a time is all very well and good, but if I don't stay conscious of the fact that I am actually moving forward toward a place where I want to be, I think that I would truly give up. Perhaps it is something to do with your meds -- see what your doctor says -- but something else that may be helpful is to list all the things you are doing these days and ask yourself why you are doing each one, and if you need to be doing it right now. Do, dump, or delay. If they are all important to you and need to be done now, recognize that this is a choice you are making in order to have a benefit in the future, and see if there is any way you can get at least a little support (even if you have to hire it) so that you can have some me-time. Overwhelm and I are very good friends, so maintaining perspective is a constant struggle for me but I function when I have it and am in tears of despair when I don't. As cold and dark as it may be, Lady, you are not alone. Be kind to yourself.
16 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Yes. Where do we go from here? How do we live day after day without this horrible feeling of despair? I get so tired of feeling this way. I'm beginning to wonder if I need to go back up on my meds. In November we cut the dosage to half. I've been doing great but now I'm back in school working on my MBA. I'm still trying to do everything else I was before too. My counselor tells me I need to simplify my life. What do you cut? School, work, the kids, church, or what? Easier said than done. Where do we go from here. How do we stop the tears?
16 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
so lady, is the next question where do we go from here?
16 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
[quote] So my body has a tendency to be out of balance chemically... I was taught to be negative, prefectionist, and hard with myself. ... My early experiences reinforced what I incorrectly deduced... so my path has crossed many mountain ranges... foothills, prairies, deserts, etc. [/quote] And Yes Confused. Everyone has a story. Growing up I felt my mother hated me and really still feel that way. She doesn't have much to do with me or my children and to this day I have no idea why. [quote] I took to my bed and withdrew from the world. Enough -- I don't like this game and I don't want to play anymore! [/quote] I am so HERE right now. I don't want to play anymore. I'm trying to fit into a new life that I began in July of this year. I packed up my two boys and relocated to where we dont' know a soul. For the most part it has been good. A lot of the negative people in my life have been removed. I've been working with my counselor for over a year now and I really wonder if I will ever make any progress. Although a couple of people really close to me say I am making progress, I don't see it or feel it. I've tried to meet with my minster on a few occassions and was back at my old church this past Sunday. When asked if I had talked with the new minister in the church by my home I said there is too much conflict. My minister told me I had conflict when I was there (before I moved). Great! It's still my fault. I don't know what I'm doing, where I'm going or what steps to take next. I need to lose weight because I'm a fat idiot. I convense myself that my boyfriend is sick of me when that probably isn't the case at all. I don't want to call my counselor anymore. I feel like I bug her constantly. My doctor is 4 hours away and I haven't found a new one yet. I just don't have a foundation at all. I'm all alone here and it's dark and cold.
16 years ago 0 183 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Madara Like wildcat's, my depression doesn't seem to have originated from any one particular source or event. My father fell into depression as an adult, I think, (though he wouldn't have admitted it) but I'm not sure if that suggests an inherited element for me or not. My style of thinking is very similar to his, so that may have more to do with it. I was married to an emotionally and verbally abusive man for 9 years. Again, I'm not sure of the specific impact -- I think that he honed in on my existing (though mild) insecurities and nurtured them into a massive forest that simply overwhelmed me. I managed, in the end, to regain my sense of self and power enough to leave him, but I never dealt with the forest of fears. I functioned quite well for a few years after that -- on the surface, at least. But as a single parent with young children, working full-time for a horrible boss, and trying to help my mother as my father's health deteriorated... a few years of that and I was barely hanging on. When my father then passed away, I took to my bed and withdrew from the world. [i]Enough -- I don't like this game and I don't want to play anymore![/i] Everybody has their own story, and it's rarely simple or straightforward. Until I found CBT, though, I didn't know what to do with my story -- I could talk about it in detail and, despite Freud's notion of catharsis, nothing changed. Maybe I still haven't reached deeply enough? Anyway, CBT gives me something productive to do with the results of my navel-gazing.
16 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I have worked on this question for many years now. and I have come to some basic conclusions for MYSELF... My father was manic-depressif (bipolar) and i think he had problems with anxiety. My mother was born very premature and did not receive the medical attention that premees get today, she has a mental retardation. So there is a genetic predisposion. As my father was ill he taught me to think his way. He programmed my logic from the time I was little. My mother taught me to panic in the face of the unknown. So these are some environmental factors. As a teenager and young adult, I grew up in a homogenious sector - 99% of the area was for a single ethnic group - to which I did not belong. So there were moments that I was missing the pieces to be completely accepted in many of the groups and friendships that surrounded me. more of the environment... So my body has a tendency to be out of balance chemically... I was taught to be negative, prefectionist, and hard with myself. ... My early experiences reinforced what I incorrectly deduced... so my path has crossed many mountain ranges... foothills, prairies, deserts, etc. I do not really have one major point where I was depressed and I need to start there ... for me there are so many little things that made bumps in my path and holes and ups and downs. It seems like most "normal" challenges for other people were major survival lessons for me. The death of my grand-mother (she who raised me) made me want to abandon my life not just question life as most grief does... The love my boyfriend had for me was a scary noose and I was afraid that it would strangle him!!!

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