What happened????
Hello Jaci,
I am also very sorry for the loss of your father.
I think it's great that you have come back to this site. You've already started to do something! I feel that writing down your worries and replying to other's worries (even if it's easier to reply then to do them yourself ) you get a better understanding of yourself. Just like Dazedmommy, I find myself not doing the program on my bad days... I bet if I did the program and homework every single day, I would be closer to graduating my GAD.
I know how it is such a nasty feeling, right there in your gut that you just want to puke it out, when everything seems hopeless... but there's that pretty picture there in your head that you long for... just keep thinking of it and when you open your eyes one day, I believe, it will be right in front of you. I find it very helpful talking to someone about it, who will love me even if I am "crazy" and also writing it here and writing it in a journal. (I don't ever look back at what I wrote because it scares me!)
I do that guilt trip myself, but I try to remind myself that I am not that other person who has control over their anxiety yet. We all have our own set backs and people cannot understand everything about others, even themselves. We know we all want to be less of a "burden" for those who care. But they will care no matter what... and we just need to appreciate the love of that (although, unfortunately, it often turns to pressure to me. I am also my worst critic.)
Lately, I realize that the more anxiety and panic attacks I get, unfortunately, I learn that it's not going to kill me. I guess I am learning what my anxiety is and am getting used to it somewhat. As for the depression, I think about the small things that I really appreciate (beautiful songs, family, nature, love, the connection we have) and focus on that.
