I'm really sorry that you have to feel this way. I have a tendency to go in spiral obsessive thinking myself when the days are really bad, and the hormones are going crazy or even when the sun is hiding behind the clouds.
Us agnostics have the most difficulty because we are not sure if we should believe in the religion or not... I don't really know how you were brought up but I personally tell myself that if you do the best you can at anything morally, you will get all the great rewards. I think you're a great person from what I know from your posts.. so if there is a heaven, you'd definitely be there. And was there a time when god talked to you? I sometimes wish he would to me.... When I think these thoughts, looking at the mirror sometimes help... because even though a lot is going on in my head, I'm not really doing anything physically... or I tell my husband, "I think I'm going crazy." And he'll tell me I'm not. Maybe those shows are a bit too intense for you right now. I used to LOVE watching the show "Lost" but now, I get so sick watching it... I get really anxious from it.
When we are at our high, we want to enjoy life and forget about the problems... that probably is what makes us not want to follow through the program when we are in our good or ok episodes.
When I was at my low, the relief was just expressing it, and writing what ever is on my mind... and then getting support from you and the rest of the crew. It will all go away when it will, but until then just keep writing. You are doing ok.
Yes, it is nice to hear/ read. Thanks for sharing! My husband has a camel back he got from the military. Sometimes I'm afraid to meet people on the way.
A friend called me yesterday, but I screened on her. I don't really want to call her back because I'm afraid she will ask to hang out and I don't want to explain myself that I don't want to. I wouldn't know how to say it and I don't like talking on phones(I'd prefer not to talk at all!). But we are involved in this 'chat' room thing and I have no problem typing there and I'm afraid she will see that I've written there, but didn't call her back. I had a nightmare because of it, this morning. Does it sound to you guys that my anxiety may be led by my personality towards my friends? I am a shy girl, but comparing to the really socially anxious people, I didn't think I was... but maybe it's all from my friends? My sister has told me a couple of times that I attach myself to friends too much, but I don't know how to be acquainted with someone and not give your best or care. I really don't like to half -a** my relationships because I judge it as being a hypocrite. I don't know how to accept that I am one. Man, I can keep going with this. I write too much.
I went on a bike ride today by myself. I only did laps around the house (many times!) but it feels soooo good. Maybe I'll go again, because staying in the house just brings me down. Anyways, thanks for encouraging me.
This is very true! I guess I'm getting the social anxiety because of my GAD. I don't want to deal with explaining what I have, and I don't want to go through it especially if the other person doesn't understand. I worry about getting a panic attack or not being my best self at whatever I do, I can't have fun... and if it's just me it's ok, but if I have someone else there with me, the pressure is sooo much more. I can't deal with the fact that the other person can't deal with it.
Lately I'm getting more and more paranoid of my husband leaving me because of this. I get so jealous because we live separately (2 hours away) and all I do everyday is stay in my room, go on the internet or study, or just sit there. (He comes home on the weekends.) He works a full time job and after that he goes out. I feel guilty that I can't play my part... even contribute with some income.. and I feel mad that he can go out and have fun without me. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to step outside... I probably can if someone is home, but I am alone until my family comes home from work. I can't imagine working ever again. I can't imagine going out without my husband or family ever again.
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