I'm going to stay with my husband in the town that he works in next week, which is 2 hours away from my home. I used to live there and I am excited to go because I can see some of my great friends. I am a bit anxious though, of course. And I just needed to write it down. I am worried about going away from my comfort zone for 4 full days. But I am trying to imagine all the fun I will have such as going to the beach and laughing at silly things like I used to with my friends.
Hi Diva! I was getting worried about you since you seemed to be not posting for awhile. I have been in that depression phase on and off recentlytoo. I know what I am thinking but often times it is difficult to let others know. My mom tells me not to worry and tells me to tell her my feelings but I feel so guilty and stupid for expressing my creator that I am not happy... in my 'rule' book.. that is just not acceptable. I've always lived my life doing the things I wanted to do because that would make me happy and that would make my parents happy. But now I am uncontrollably sad and the worse part is that I feel like my mom is the only person I can talk to about this.. and it gives me guilt. I do somewhat tell my husband but I feel bad because I don't want to bring him down because I am down too. Today is actually my better day, though. I had a rough weekend... blue, sad, and crying for everything. But suddenly, I feel high today. It is really confusing why it is unstable. I wish I can stay like this forever (I am still anxious, but it's better to be anxious than depressed.) So, what I can tell you is that suddenly there will be days of ease... and I have been helped by the other site's, depressioncenter.net, sessions. Just keep writing too and don't rush things... take your time.
Oh I totally understand about the breathing. I'm afraid of trying breathing exercises because they get me uncomfortable. Sometimes it scares me when my voice starts to crack because that is when I think that I don't have enough air in me to let me speak clearly. Does this happened to you too?
Hi guys! I am here on the trip!! We left at 5 am in the morning and the ride here was ok ( I did sit in the back seat though!!) Once I got here, I had to wait in the car a bit for my husband.. but that made me extreeeemely anxious! I was terrified and I wanted to go home so bad! But home is 2 hours away and I can't drive with anxiety and husband has to work. I had no choice but to stick with it... my husband let me stay in his work's lunch room and I watched my "Sex and the City" dvds, which helped me ease my mind. We were able to check in the motel room at 12 so now I am here waiting for him to get off work. I feel a lot better now, but I don't know how I'm going to do this until Friday! I brought my textbook since I need to read material but I cannot concentrate at all!! I need to be on the web or watch a silly show to let time pass for me. Aaahhh!
My doctor gave me Xanax just in case... just to hold on to. I brought it here with me on the trip and I am planning to not use it until I really can't handle the anxiety but was wondering what everyone knows about this medication. Has anyone tried it or is on it presently? And if so, I'm wondering your opinions on it. Thanks.
Thanks for all the inputs again. I am doing ok so far and is not there yet into needing to take it. It's funny how my doctor just hands it to me like nothing and I seem to be able to get more information from others and other sources. Thanks guys.
Hi all. Thanks for replying. I am on my second day on the trip and it is a bit better. I was able to calm down after yesterday's entry and was able to focus and read my material. My husband came back to motel and we went to go eat. I was nervous to go eat out at a restaurant but I did it anyway and it was ok. I wasn't able to eat much since I am still nauseous and so I took it to go. I ended up eating it at the motel. I had somewhat of a hard time sleeping well. Everytime I'd wake up it felt like I wasn't sleeping at all, but now that I think of it I may have been sleeping but restlessly. I went to my old work to pick up lunch with my husband but I did feel quite anxious there. I still feel like my stomach(upper stomach) is really bloated and all my chest is sore. These physical symptoms wont let me go at ease. If they weren't there I wouldn't be anxious... but then again, if I weren't anxious.. maybe they wouldn't be there??
Right now, I am more in the anxiety zone and although I know I said this earlier that I'd prefer anxiety then depression.. I don't want anxiety either!!!! It's like I'm anxious to go out to live "normally" so I stay in and then I get depressed because I'm inside. I have one or the other. Sigh...
I felt like the depression site's sessions are helpful but the forums get me a bit sadder then here. So I just do the sessions and when I'm brave enough I read the forums.
I had a best friend from 6 months old and we were best friends until we started to realize who we were. I am much of an introvert, she was really outgoing. Middle school was the worse. Since she made may other friends besides me she decided we hang out with the popular kids. I didn't feel comfortable at all.. all they talked about was which boys you liked and what your wore. So after my best friend became a cheerleader and was too busy for me I went off to another group of people. I changed groups about 3 or 4 times until I graduated. But ever since I was a little girl... I am the quiet one. I love to listen but I hate to talk. I was that girl in the corner of the room who you never really noticed that existed. But I did ok as in grades and my grades are better now in college. I love to learn. My mom was scary when she disciplined us... I always thought she was always right so I tried my best to be the perfect child... whereas my sister always rebelled and expressed herself. I think it all pretty must started there for me having no confidence in my opinions. I was terrifed of conflict.. I still am, maybe even more! I hated watching my sister and mom argue.
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