Exposure Planning Session 4
Ooh, how do you do the progressive muscle relaxation?
Sometimes, when I'm anxious before I sleep, I started to think about when I sleep since I try so hard to sleep that it ends up waking me up. The noises and such doesn't really bother me.. I get scared that I don't know when I fall asleep. I know this is one of my obsessive thinking again.
So here I am on day 3! In 24 hours I should be at home sweet home. Last night, I went to my friend's apartment to eat dinner but I was anxious the whole time there. I just wanted to leave and go back to the motel. I was so hungry and everything smelt so good, but I was so grossed out about my stomach that I only at a bit. I felt so bad for my friend because I didn't really say much and it's been a while since we saw eachother. I couldn't even help make the dinner, so I tried my best to at least do the dishes but I thought I might faint and I couldn't finish. I cried on the way back to the motel... which made me feel better a bit and once I got back to the motel, I was perfectly normal. I just hate that. But my husband did mention, "Hey, your comfortable with the motel now!" Which is true... this makes me realize more and more that I get anxious with people other than my comfort person. I am most comfortable with my mom, but I don't like to be because I feel like she doesn't need to 'worry' more about me in the negative sense. I am comfortable with my husband because he is complete opposite of me and never gets sick, always confident, and always happy... somedays, sorry, but I worry when he'll leave me for being so blue.
Another thing I realize is that my comfort place can change! I thought my room in my house was the only place I felt safe, but I do actually feel safe in this motel. I am starting to believe that practice can make some changes.
Later on, we are going to go to the beach. I can't wait because I LOVE the beach here. (Anxiety better not ruin it! I hope the beach will cure it.) And I will see my other friend who will be leaving to another country for a year.