Well, I was wondering when I would come across a situation where this would be relevant and have often thought of starting a thread on it's own but you've given me a lead in Cass71. So here goes.......
The Story of Scott.
I had a friend of mine whom I went to high school with and continued our friendship years past that time. His name was Scott and he was one of those people who loved to laugh in the most mischievous way. I always admired Scott because he was extremely self-confident, had a great sense of humor, and wasn't afraid to take chances or be concerned with what others thought him because he was very self-assured. He got married, had a beautiful wife and and kids and had an excellent career making a substantial income. The last time I saw Scott we ran into each other in an office and he seemed on top of the world. My other friends in my social circle knew Scott well so it was easy to keep up with him life from time to time. We all get busy and caught up in our own lives. A couple of years after I saw Scott he lost his job but, unsurprisingly, Scott started his own business and find new success as an entrepeneur. And that was really the beginning of his down fall. He had opened a charter business and was always entertaining guests in his boat. This entertainment consisted mainly of drinking and Scott's drinking continued to escalate until he eventually lost his business and his boat. As his drinking continued to spin out of control and his family followed suit. His marriage ended in divorce with his kids and immediate family (brothers, sisters, etc) refusing to have anything to do with him. Scott refused to listen to anyone about his drinking problem, friends included, and became completely consumed in his alcoholic spiral into hell. Last I heard Scott last living with some 65 year old drunk that gave him a 12 pack of beer a day to be her companion. Scott died last summer, alone in his bed. Scott literally drank himself to death at the age of 48. There was no funeral, nothing.
Cass71, be glad you have a liver that still speaks to you. To everyone else, let Scott's story be a warning sign to turn back and not go down that road while you still can.
You illustrate the point exactly. According to American Family Physician (AFP) an extremely large % of the North American population would suffer from an alcohol disorder and it's about the same for mental health issues. According to AFP EVERYONE is at risk for an alcohol abuse problem, whether it's low, at-risk, or problem drinking. Yet the companies that produce it sure go out of their way to encourage you to buy it! Imagine a super bowl party WITHOUT beer!
There is a book that is worth reading called "Power vs Force" by Dr. David Hawkins. It is a very interesting read and provides a lot of insight into why we are the way we are and how language impacts our physical and mental states, both good and bad. I'm not even beginning to describe the concepts in this book. You can check it out at:
It's well worth the time to review and consider how our inner voice as well as the external dialogue with others impacts our lives. The book provides an interesting perspective as to why we keep ourselves locked within certain levels and mindsets. I really got a lot out of this book and hope you find it helpful. Enjoy!
Way to go Squasher! (what do have against little amphibians! :) . That's absolutely excellent and, if I calculate correctly, you're going on 2 months of moving away from a problem situation to a more positive life. I'm inspired.
It really helps to look at this challenge from a lot of different directions to help us define the true nature of our problem. Because we're so close and deeply immersed in the craziness of finding our way out we tend to default to a worst case scenario because it really does seem that way. This comes back to that Addictive Voice and its relentless pursuit in driving us to drink. Have you ever taken the time to really listen to it? To listen to the actual words that are running through your head and the impact they have on your physical being? The words we use, both to speak to ourselves as well as others, have a profound effect on our physical being and self-concept. For instance, if I tell you "I hate you" or you're with someone who says "Oh, I hate them!" you can literally feel the muscles in your chest tighten up and your physical energy drain from your body. People that constantly use words like this are vampires looking to feed on your positive energy. Yet if I say "Thank you" or "I really appreciate you. You're a good friend. I love you" the reaction is positive and energizing. A real challenge I've had is taking that positive compliment and accepting it because I grew up in an alcoholic environment and sharing our feelings was taboo. If I ever tried to share my feelings with my father I was immediately shut down in the most caustic and negative way. Fortunately I'm a lot taller than him now and much more self-aware. I remember the first time I decided "You're going to get a bloody hug whether you like it not!" much later in life. Let me tell you, the look of terror in his eye's was priceless! Now I do it every time I see him and I think he kind of likes it. :) The terrible part of negative dialogue is that it keeps you locked in a prison that is hard to escape. If you make a conscious decision to strip away the negative words from your vocabulary it can pretty much dissolve the self-limiting beliefs that chain you down. This is a big part of the book "Power vs Force I referenced in the "Resources" thread earlier.
Camiol, keep pushing forward and hats off to you for doing an excellent job in giving yourself a break from the drinking. I'm inspired!
And Turquoise, thank you for setting an inspiring example and your constructive and positive contribution to the journey! Very much appreciated. And that extend to all who contribute.
I'm really happy to hear you feel things are moving in the right direction and I feel privileged to be a part of it. I can really relate to everything you've said. The one of the best things about having children is that we have the chance to rectify our own situation by providing them what was missing in our lives; unconditional love and acceptance. I'm the same way and made a conscious decision when my son was born that I would do my best to provide him and his sister a positive emotional environment and break the cycle that has been haunting my family for generations. And we heal ourselves in the process.
Keep the positive pace going. Great work! I find each day gets easier and more enjoyable the longer I stay away from drinking.
You're doing great. I can see you your winding it down and gaining more control over the drinking. Excellent work! Keep it up. As to how I cope with it.....I have it fixed in my mind that my automatic re-action and response to being offered a beer or wine, etc is "No thank you". I also plan ahead and, with close friends, I find out who will be getting together and if they're big drinkers. It won't affect my decision but I find running through the dialogue and interactions of saying "No" allows me to get through it ahead of time and get in some practice in before I'm actually in the situation. I also remind myself that jumping back on train of alcohol consumption is going to take me to a place I don't want to go and it always ends being a LONG train ride and the next stop to sobriety is a long way away. I also remind myself I really like the way things are going and I don't need to drink alcohol to enjoy people's company. The bottom line is I really don't like what alcohol does to my life and my relationships and if someone has a problem with that and gives me the gears about it they are not going to like the response they get from me. I'll be kind and considerate to a point but just don't push me because I am quite prepared to eject their sorry butt from my life, no questions asked.
I was thinking about your "epic fail". I gotta tell you, that's a great expression and I find a lot of humor when I or someone else can be big enough to recognize they missed the mark. It's very exciting when you put in the planning and effort to upgrade things like appliances. You must have been very excited for the delivery. Personally I have found this frame of mind can lead me to want to celebrate a little. I don't know if that was the case or not but always be aware that Addictive Voice has many tones and if you build associations like goal accomplishment and celebrations with alcohol consumption it can open a back door to escape through and justify having a drink. But I'm sure that wasn't the case for you.......
Thank you very much for the kind words. It's sincerely appreciated and I'm happy that I can be of help to you as you move forward in coming to terms with your challenges. I firmly believe that helping each other has a cascade effect on everyone around us and that will carry forward in ways we will probably never see. I hadn't really considered the idea of counselling before however I do like the idea so thank you for the suggestion. Goodwill has a way of growing exponentially. And the feeling of support and friendship is mutual.
As to the smoking, I'm holding my own. It's a challenge because I seem to be surrounded by smokers and I do quite enjoy having one in the morning with my coffee but it doesn't fit into my current goals and plans for my lifestyle so I need to leave it behind.
Keep up the great work you're doing and keep your eyes focused on your goals. You will get there.
Today is a new start and that is such a positive thing for you. You know exactly what you want to do and need to do and it sounds to me like you're finally listening to that inner voice that's steering you in the right direction so stay focused on that one. I've always found the first week is the toughest however I can promise you from experience that it will get much, much better. And your brain function will come back just fine because the amazing thing about our bodies is that they can self-repair given the chance. You're no doubt feeling a lot of anxiety right now and that's perfectly normal so just take a deep breath, close your eye's and relax. Breaking free of a low paying job that depressed you is incredibly liberating and I commend on the strength and courage it took to break free of that situation. Well done! Stay focused on this week because you deserve a break from stress it created. It's important you replenish your vitamins if you've fallen short on your nutrition so start loading the B6 and B12' as well as selenium and other essential vitamins as they will help with the brain function and repair your body. All the drinking does is leech your the energy from your body and depress you.
As far as sales goes, there are different schools of thought on that. Yes, rejection is part of sales but you can't take it personally. Acceptance is just as big a part of the sales process. Sales is a numbers game, plain and simple so always keep your cup half full rather than half empty. If you are doing sales look to the top 2 or 3 sales people and replicate what they are doing. And make it fun for yourself. If it takes 10 calls to get 1 sale then find some relief when someone says " No thank you" because you just took 1 step closer to your own success. I like to look at sales another way......get up in the morning and know you have an excellent chance to win a lottery today. It may not be the grand prize but I'll tell you, I get pretty bloody excited if I play Lotto and win $72. Realize that the odds are really in your favor of winning the Siobhan Lotto by making 10-20 calls or appointments. Every call is playing a number set except the odds of you winning are a million times better than playing a national lottery. And the great thing is you get to play everyday. And you will win. Just try to re-frame it to the positive.
Don't look back because it doesn't do any good. Enjoy the moment and keep moving forward. I'm really glad your here on this site because I'll have that privilege of following your success as beat the past into submission. Great job on a solid start!
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