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Posts created by Dave848

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

Thank you Vincenza. Sincerely appreciated.Will do.

Enjoy your weekend!

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

Thank you Rob, much appreciated. I really enjoyed my evening last night and, as I hoped, I started today refreshed and motivated. Every day is a new day and that's something to really look forward to without the burden of having a drink haunting me. Things will only get better and I know that is the case with everyone here. I'm finding it refreshing to exercise my own control over this situation. Mind you it takes a lot of thought and planning. This coming week I have to attend a wedding on the east coast and I'm meeting family and a lot of friends I haven't seen in a long time. No doubt there will be some serious drinking going on and I'll be on my own, so it would be quite easy to go on a tear and keep that to myself. However, I can tell you right now, I'll be an observer at the party and WILL NOT be drinking. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to re-enforce my own resolve and validating I have made the right decision.

While I'm sitting among the nuttiness of the party I'll be sending everyone here my good karma to help do the same.

Best regards

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Last chance before rehab

Hi Greg,

I had an interesting experience today and I know I wouldn’t have had it had I been drinking last night and wasted my day today. I have this large bush in my back yard and there was a huge branch that was hanging out that was in my way when I cut the lawn. So I decided I’d cut the thing off and trim back the dead stuff so I could move past it without having it obstruct my view and get in my way. This was a big branch, about 2 ½ inches thick at the base, with a lot of leafy branches hanging off it.

By the time I had finished cutting it down I looked at it and thought “Wow, what a mess. It’s going to take a while to clean up”. So I grabbed a yard waste bag and started cutting it up. You know, it’s amazing how much waste you can cut up into small pieces and fit in one of those bags. Here I had this huge branch with tons of smaller, leafy branches coming off it and I’d guess it was about 12 feet long and 8 feet across. I got started, clipping it into small pieces and dropping the pieces into the bag and it reminded me of what I’m doing right now, working at putting drinking behind me. It took a long time for that branch to grow out of control and the only way I could get rid of it was to cut it into smaller pieces and get rid of it. After a couple of hours I got to the root branch and thought “Damn, that thing is huge. How the heck am I going to get rid of that”? So I resolved to cut it up into smaller chunks with the big cutters and “Poof!” it was gone to. Those branches remind of the situations we face that motivate us to drink. Some are small and easy to cut through and some are huge and take a lot of effort.

I guess my point is we’ve all spent a lot of time letting this situation grow out of control but we’re all chipping away at cleaning up the mess so something better will grow in its place. I thought of you and the fact you feel like you let yourself down but I really don’t think that’s the case at all, although it may seem like it. You’ve done an outstanding job over the last month not drinking and yesterday you ran into one of those big branches. But now you know what it looks like and you’ll cut through it next time and toss it in that yard waste bag and keep moving forward.

Keep up the good work Greg. It’s a slow process. Just keep looking forward and cutting your way through the bushes. You’ll get there. As will all of us.

BTW, I’m really looking forward to garbage day this week and taking that bag out with the trash. :)

Cheers

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Last chance before rehab

Hi Greg, not sure what happened to your thread here but all the posts between mine and July 20th seem to have been blown away. I'm sure you get the point though.

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Last chance before rehab

Strange, they're back. Must have been a glitch on my PC.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Last chance before rehab

Glad to help Greg. Keep up the good work!

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

Hi Turquoise,

Excellent work on the 15 days, especially while juggling the family dynamics. That can always be a challenge and one can get to the point where some relief is in order. That relief doesn't need to come from drinking but there's always that little voice, however loud or quiet, that tries to lead you down that road. Separate yourself from that voice. That voice isn't you. Somehow along the way, we seem to create associations in our head that lead us to believe there is actually a need to drink alcohol, just as we feel a need to drink water when we're really thirsty or have something to eat when we're really hungry. You have complete control over that voice and you can shut it down. That need is completely useless without YOU. It's subversive for sure but without YOU it is completely useless and inept. There really is no need for you to have a drink of alcohol because it serves no natural function for your body. It has no hands or feet, no mind, nothing. So it needs YOU to satisfy any sort of requirement. Shut it down and enjoy your time with your friends for what is really is, TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS. Time is a precious commodity and so are your friends. They'll be fine if you choose to not drink because they are your FRIENDS and want to spend with YOU, not a bunch of glasses of wine. And I have news for you, there's about 10 billion bottles of wine on this planet on this planet and there's plenty more in the vat so don't worry about it running out. Stick to your guns and enjoy your resolve. There's no pressure. The only pressure you might feel is the pressure from that stupid voice rattling around in your head. It cares nothing for you but your friends DO.

Stick to your guns Turquoise. Relax into the fact that, in reality, YOU are the one in control.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

The Addictive Voice

I've been reading through a lot of posts on this forum and we all have one thing in common that seems to drive us to indulge in drinking and that is this addictive voice that we are at odds with inside of our mind. So I thought I would pose this question: "Where did this addictive voice come from? How did we give birth to this voice allow it to evolve to the state where it drives us to satisfy a need for consumption?" This is a common element among all consumption disorders. I use the term "consumption disorder" because I do not subscribe to the "alcoholism is a disease" model. I'm sorry if that sends up a red flag for some people on this forum and if you think I'm in some sort of denial I'm perfectly fine with that.

We weren't born with this voice inside of our head. We're born a blank slate. I contend that alcohol and drug abuse is a learned behavior, not a biological one. I agree that there are physiological\ biological components that contribute to it such depression, ADHD, personality type, etc. and these play a big part in developing this addictive voice but intuitively I cannot subscribe to this theory of powerless over a consumption disorder such as alcohol abuse. Getting to the point where alcohol abuse becomes a disorder is complex and different for everyone for sure and I believe any resource that helps one overcome this challenge is of benefit, whether it's a 12 step program or psycho-therapy, or whatever.

Yet, there are many situations where I exercise complete control and have absolutely NO desire to drink whatsoever. Example:

- I'm the designated driver when a group of us goes out for dinner. I sit and watch my friends and family drink and get some what or totally inebriated. During this time I have absolutely no desire to have a drink, even though they offer me to leave the car parked at the restaurant, join in, and take a cab home. If I were powerless would I not take them up on this offer?

- Riding my motorcycle- I will never drink, even one beer, when I'm riding my bike, ever. If you think one beer has no affect on you you're wrong. You may not notice it but it does. When I was younger I drank one beer when I was out dirt biking I can tell you it has an immediate affect on coordination.

I have more but I'm not out to write an essay, only to solicit a discussion.

I guess my point is that this voice seems to come alive when we are in situations that initiate triggers than something that has absolute control over me. These situations can be isolated, like getting together with friends and drink, and even worse, continuous, where there is a constant craving for alcohol and it is a persistent relief mechanism.

Your thoughts?

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

Hi Turquoise,

I like the Stop Sign imagery. Excellent idea.

I sincerely hope everyone is doing well with their resolve to push forward with their challenges. I'm finding this time around to be a very enjoyable and empowering experience. As strange as that may sound I honestly feel positive about my decision and I'm embracing this opportunity to discover what brought me to this point. I'm sincerely grateful to have found this help center because it's making all the difference in the world for me right now and all of you here are an excellent source of support for me. For that I thank you. I feel positive and motivated moving forward and feel a sense of calm for the first time about quitting and while I work through the "Why" I got to this point. I feel comfortable with my decision and I really haven't had any internal battles with that annoying voice to abstain. On the weekend I was in my house and as I turned around I was faced with a half empty bottle of Jagermeister. It would have been easy, being by myself at the time, to grab it and have a drink but I just looked at it blankly and walked away. I asked later who it belonged to and just went back downstairs and poured it out.

One thing I've been giving a lot of thought to is how my personality type contributes to my desire to drink. Self-discovery is a wonderful thing! I'm glad I have this opportunity to get to know myself in a positive, accepting way. As I work through the process it's becoming clearer each day why I've found drinking to be what it is in my life. You know what they say, knowledge is power!

Best regards

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

RE Stop sign,

Elizabeth, thank for the imagery. I thanked Turquoise (thank you Turquoise anyway :) ) but I reread it and noticed it was your post.

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