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Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.


10 years ago 0 1009 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Well, I'm officially at 1 month alcohol free. On to month 2. The time went by really fast yet it seems like a long time since I did have a drink. Time to add a bit more on to my goals! My sincere thanks to all for your support. Being a part of this community has made all the difference to my success. Deep appreciation to all.
 
Best regards
 
Dave

 
10 years ago 0 1009 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Siobhan,

Interesting comment about "complete strangers".....It's funny now that you mention it because I don't feel like the people on here are complete strangers, you included. I think if I got the chance to sit down with Turquoise or Camiol as an example I think it would feel like getting together with a good friend and I would genuinely enjoy it. And I'm very happy any insights I can share are of benefit to you. It truly validates I've made the right decision so a something positive has come from my previous drinking endeavor's The internet really is a wonderful thing not so long ago now of this would have been possible. 
 
Best regards,
 
Dave
10 years ago 0 33 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Dave,

Just read your post and seems like I am always saying thanks for the posts but it's true.  I can see it works that way for everyone, you mention Turquoise and Caminol and everyone else on here.  I am blown away by the beauty of this site.  Complete strangers impacting and helping other strangers with the same and similar issues.

I needed to read that post so much this morning.  Reading about the different times and places each person is at is incredibly helpful, all of it, the good the bad the ugly.  that is so weird to me because in life we all try to hide our short comings, our failures, we bolster our accomplishments but on here all of it is welcome and very useful.

I am so glad to read all your posts and I gain so much insight and strength and support as I know everyone does.

Again, gonna print that post out for re-reading.

Just thanks to all for sharing.  This is a profound experience.
10 years ago 0 1009 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
 
Hi Turquoise,

Yes, it will 5 weeks on Thursday since I had anything to drink, 1 official month! Strange, it hasn't been that long yet it seems like a long time ago. I must say, life is SO much better not drinking and my family really appreciates it. They've been really considerate in trying to make the situation easier by being vocal about not temping me by drinking in front of me. I just tell them that this was my decision and I can't expect the world to bow down to accommodate me so don't worry about it. There's always a beer in the garage fridge and many times I'll open the fridge in the kitchen and have a beer presented to me right out of the blue. I don't feel any urge whatsoever to grab one. I love wine as well and have about 5 bottles of really good merlot's and cab's in there but I'm going to save them for visitors or gifts. The idea of setting myself back by starting to drink again really puts me off and I'm embracing the joy in being a non-drinker. 

Regarding how I quit in January.....I started a workout program to lose weight and I really focused on my diet. The program was 3 months and it made a huge difference physically and mentally. What I didn't do was quit drinking permanently. I had told myself I would drink again and when I had to go away on a business trip with my partners I let it creep back into my life. And so began a gradual spiral into excess where I ended up progressively drinking more and more until I reached the point where it simply wasn't working anymore. I can vividly remember the first week of quitting and the turmoil and anxiety I was feeling. It wasn't fair!...or so I thought and I have the choice to drink today if I want to but I choose to be a non-drinker. It's like looking in a mirror. I can see that person who is me and drinks and can touch them but the person on the other side of the mirror lives in a place I don't want to go and if I do I know I'll be trapped on the other side for a few months and the cycle begins anew. Then I'll be looking back at the person on other side and even though I can touch that person that abstains I can't go there until the time is right. It's a prison and I'm the only one that can see it. To everyone else everything looks normal but it's torture to live on the other side so I choose to keep that aspect of my life locked cleanly away. I can still see it and I'm happy and grateful not to visit. I hope that makes sense. 

My workout plan is still on track although I've pushed it back a bit and just trying to take that first step through the workout door. I find once I do that I'm good for months but I've also aware that if I bite off more than I can chew I burn myself out and getting comfortable with not drinking has been my focus. I feel like I'm there now so it's time to add another goal and keep things moving forward. Like you, my plan is to lose some weight and be in really good shape for my trips coming up in November and January.
 
I can relate to your comment about being cocky. Success can be as much of a trigger as stress. We can be successful for so long then that psychological snake rears it's ugly head and says "You really don't deserve this. You're being a fraud" and bites you on the ass. 3-4 months seems to be a trigger point when I haven't made a concrete decision to quit drinking so I'm very aware of that and planning to bite back!
 
Thanks for the response. I really enjoy our dialog and I sincerely appreciate the positive impact it has on keeping me grounded and moving forward. I feel like there's friends out there that really have my back and truly understand what I'm doing. You and the others are a huge part of my success and for that I am profoundly grateful.
 
Best regards,,
 
Dave
10 years ago 0 409 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Dave, this site has a lot of lurkers.    That's okay, though. Your posts are great to read, and everyone once in awhile, I'll see a comment from someone I've never heard before, along the lines of, "I never post even though I read all the forums every day, but this time I just had to say that the posting by so-and-so really made a difference for me." Some people are just a lot wordier than others! I also go through cycles with writing and lurking. Generally I have posted when I'm feeling successful, and generally I've lurked (although not always) when I feel miserable.
 
You've gone over a month sober now, haven't you Dave? Congratulations! And you did a 4-month stint earlier this year? What made you start drinking again at the end of April? Just curious, because I don't want to get too cocky about having made it this far.
 
My next goal is to lose the twenty pounds I gained this past year while struggling to convince myself that moderation wasn't working for me. I looked great on my 50th birthday last year (even though I was drinking!) and I hate that I can't fit into any of those clothes now. I have two months before the big day. I'm hoping I'm through the worst of the getting sober part, so now it's time to tackle the mindless eating.....
10 years ago 0 1009 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I'm  starting to think I've high-jacked this forum. I seem to be the only one posting.... :)
10 years ago 0 1009 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Camiol,

Excellent work this weekend! You had a plan and it was put to great use. I'm really proud of the progress you're making moving forward. Your life is only going to continue to get better so congratulations on an epic success! I can really relate to your sentiment about telling people you quit drinking. I never liked the idea of telling people I "quit". It just never seemed fair. Conversely, I've had so much time in the past where I indulged (or should I say "over-indulged") in drinking and this is now a new phase in my life where I don't let the situations external to myself dictate my behavior. There was a friend of my buddies on the boat on the weekend who quit 3 years ago. Without prompting he shared the reason why he quit with everyone and his reasons paralleled mine. Life just wasn't working when he drank, period. I'm finding that people really don't care if I drink and very supportive when I say I quit so don't worry about it. Camiol, you're older and wiser now and it's expected that you'll make the right decision, regardless of what it is, about what is best for you. Don't be stuck in a mindset that is so out of date and goes back to a much earlier time in your life. I spoke to a friend last night I hadn't spoken to since 1985. The last time I saw him we were in our early 20's (I'm rolling over the dial to 50 in November!) and I'm going to visit him next weekend. He invited to stay overnight and said "Let's have a few drinks", meaning "Let's get hammered". I was taken back in time in an instant to when we partied together in our 20's and I'll tell you the alarm bells went off big time! I flat out told I don't drink anymore but I was really looking forward to seeing him and he was totally ok with that. I think the only person that's really worried about quitting is ourselves. Everyone is perfectly fine with it.
 
Keep up the excellent work Camiol.
 
Best regards,
 
Dave


10 years ago 0 409 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Camiol, I think it would be very helpful to ask your husband to help. The main thing is for him to know when you ask for his help is that he can't judge you if you "slip". A slip is not a failure, it's a learning experience, right? His help should be about him being supportive, not judgmental. And good luck with quitting smoking. This sounds like a great opportunity to get through the first three days!!! Dave, are you still smoke-free?
 
5 weeks sober and counting....
10 years ago 0 616 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi, I'm back from the cottage, the party was a success.  I'm so pleased to say that I didn't get loaded.  I paced myself and drank plenty if water to reduce the amount I drank.  Before we left for the lake I made a decision that I wasn't going to lose control of how much I drank and I didn't want to get drunk.  

Turquoise I think my husband would probably respect my wishes and not drink around me.  He is supportive with my decisions of quitting bad habits.  Your new friend seems to be very respectful of your abstinence, that's wonderful considering you've really only just met.  

Tomorrow I'm leaving for a trip to the states with my BFF, her sister and three little girls.  I'm looking forward to it. It will be the beginning of finally giving up smoking again because my friends don't smoke so I won't either.  I plan to wear the Nicoderm patch to help with withdrawals.  By the time I get home I'll have three days under my belt and I'll be less inclined to want to smoke again.  I'm sure I will have cocktails while we're away, but again I'm going to keep it to a minimum and drink lots of water or club soda.  My BFF is a red wine drinker and I'm not a fan if it.  I prefer not to drink wine at all, I think I'll just drink some coolers and take it very slowly because I'm winding down on the drinking and I do not want to get drunk.  

Dave it sounds like you have wonderful friend who is proud of you for making the decision to stop drinking.  I'm glad you enjoyed yourself on the boat and were able to tell people that you're not drinking.  I plan to be able to tell people the same thing very soon.  I admit I'm still scared about quitting but also anxious to start feeling healthy again.  I am abstaining tonight.  

Siobhan welcome back.  You've certainly come to the right place.  Dave and Turquoise are pillars of strength and inspiration.  They are both so very helpful and encouraging.  You're doing great, keep up the good work!
10 years ago 0 409 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
This site is great, isn't it? It has so many tools to help. My blog has been interesting for me -- I don't have time to write in it every day (I usually don't even have time to read and post on the forums unless I get up at 4:30am). I really wanted to keep track of my own progress -- or lack of -- as I tried moderation, and it was so hard for me to go back and find my posts in different threads each time. So about a month after I started here, I went through the forums just once and transferred all of my own posts to my blog, along with the date of the post. It has been hugely valuable to me, so see my own struggles over the past year. I usually update the blog only once every couple of weeks, but I do the same thing. I make sure to include the date of each individual post, because the blog itself will just use the date you are blogging. I also usually don't include my forum references to other members, so it's just my personal struggle. I'm glad it has been helpful to you, Siobhan, and I'm thrilled that you are doing your own. I can't tell you how helpful it's been for me -- it really is my personal diary.
 
So, a couple of months ago, I met a new friend at an event close by. She didn't live in town, but was planning to move here by the end of summer. Our daughters loved each other, and she and I had a great time over a bottle of wine. Because of that, we exchanged phone numbers, and I told her to contact me when she got settled here. So now she is, and she just did. Yesterday over the phone, she invited me and my daughter over for dinner, telling me she had a nice bottle of wine for us. This was so, so very hard, since it brought back the memories of our fun time, and I really wanted the wine. Also I hardly know her, so to tell her about my drinking problem? Really?!?!?! But I took a deep breath and just said that I've quit drinking for awhile, because I had found myself drinking too much lately. It was so hard!!!!!! Her response? "Okay, well I have juice and soda..." In other words, she could have cared less. It was no big deal to her at all, and we both had soda. And we and our daughters all had a great time. What a way to put all of this in perspective....

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