Not been a good night either, feeling very light-headed, dizzy & just all around not right. Of course whipping myself into a frenzy by telling myself there is something really wrong with me doesn't help any. My mum said it's because of the events of today even though I'm not thinking about it she said I could be unconsciously - what a smart person she is. I swear mum has been reading one of my numerous books on the disorder, I kid her about this. She told me I have too much time on my hands at night and should stay off the computer & of course she's right about that too - well at least I should limit my time - after all I have to check in with you guys right?
Oh well I guess I'll sign off now & try to find something to busy myself with, who knows I might even get to enjoy doing something else. That's a scary thought - ha, ha.
Well the day didn't start off to good then it went downhill from there. You see the class I had today is all about working in groups & I'm not comfortable in groups especially with new people. So we get put into groups and are given questions to come to a consensus on, well needless to say one person dominated the whole process. If you didn't agree with that person you had give your explanation why. I was supposed to have another class later in the afternoon but I was so upset I just came home & called it a day.
The professors didn't intervene in anyway, all the ground rules that were laid at the beginning of the class around respecting each others opinions went out the window. You know what I am there to learn and eventually get back to work, it's a daily struggle but throwing us into a situation where this sort of thing is bound to happen to me is unacceptable. They cannot expect someone who is a quiet individual to be comfortable in this environment, in fact it could have the opposite affect and make the person worse.
I am going to email my professors about this incident as I do not want to be in a position like that again.
Had a pretty good day at school. My pre-conceived notions about my classmates is being broken down and I am finding that there is much more to them than meets my eye. One of my classmates in our check in class today said she is motivated to get up in the morning to come to class by thinking about seeing all of our faces and the fact that everyone is accepted as is. It was really touching, I think I need to start looking at my classmates differently and not making judgments ahead of time as I am finding out they have hopes and aspirations just like me.
I guess all I can do is take it one day at a time.
By destructive I mean it eats away inside me being angry and arguing with mum as we were so close. It's a very powerful emotion. I have spoke to one of my social workers about this and they said the reason I am in such a turmoil is because before all the emotions were directed towards me and now another person is involved - my mum.
The person' s advice (very briefly I might add) was to take a time out. I mucked around on the computer last night and found a really good article by the American Psychological Association entitled "Controlling Anger Before It Controls You".
I tell myself I am a bad person because I can get so angry which we all know doesn't help the situation in fact it makes me very depressed and who needs that. I was not like this before, sure I would get angry at times like everyone else but sometimes it's as if a switch just gets flicked on & I just don't like myself anymore because of this.
I used to deal with that on a daily basis too (old roommates I didn't get along with). Finding something to take your anger out on helps tremendously. Could be anything, though personally something destructive always helped the most...but I'm a guy so I kinda like that stuff anywho
Sorry to see that you are having a tough day today.
Anger is a very natural emotion for what you have experienced. It's what you do with it that makes the difference. When you say it is the most destructive it has been, what do you mean by that?
Are you journalling? Putting your feelings and thoughts on paper can help you to work through them rather than suppressing them. You may also just need to express your anger by talking about it to a friend or counsellor.
It sounds like your dad has betrayed you and your mom in some deep way and until you address this, the negative emotions will keep resurfacing.
It is hard work to get control of your emotions and live above them. Members, please share how you deal with feelings of anger in a constructive way?
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