Hi Ya Josie:
A lot better thanks!
I made it my point not to muck around on my computer after 9pm - I just shut it down. The next thing I did which wasn't planned - I watched one of the old movies called "It Happened One Night (1934)" with Clark Gable on TVO last night. I don't usually watch TV anymore but this was a really good movie. It didn't finish until 12pm, so maybe that helped too because I was really tired at that point.
I guess I just don't know how to deal with the relapses, the scary thoughts, the racing thoughts. How do you not pay attention to especially the scary thoughts, I wish someone could tell me a way - especially when you are scared out of your wits.
Anyway here's hoping for a better day. Right now it's snowing again, although they predicted rain. It was like a skating rink yesterday so I couldn't even get out, I did try but only got to our corner.
On a more positive note I have had a lot of milestones, being able to stay in at night all this week, being able to stay in until 3pm before I go out for a walk, baking again for the first time in about a year. It hasn't been all bad this week, but you know what when you have a relapse whether it be for a day or two all I can focus on is the relapse not all the accomplishments I have made.
Oh yeah, something absolutely amazing happened you see I love kids. I was in our local bookstore just sitting reading on of the books and these 4 little kids who were there with their caregivers came running down the aisle just enjoying their self. They all stopped in front of me in a semi-circle and I asked them if they were having fun and if they were all ready for santa coming. I then asked them their names & they all told me theirs. Then this one little cutie asks me "What's yours" , I cracked up they were just priceless. Anyway to make a long story short their caregivers were taking off the kids jackets & the little cutie who asked me my name shouted down to me "I can take off my own jacket" . I told him he was clever. One of the caregivers came to apologize for the kids talking to me I told her they made my day - boy did they ever. Just as the caregivers were taking the kids upstairs I said bye to the kids & the little cutie said bye. For me it was one of the best moments that have happened to me, so I have that memory to reflect on. Just wanted to share that special moment for me.
