I chat with friends that I've know in real person... I've known them from school but now we only communicate online.
I really do feel the most comfortable here... I feel like we can all relate. But my friends who don't have anxiety disorder... I feel like they don't even want to think about it, ya know? I'm afraid to scare them. And I don't know if it's even worth the telling.
Ok here i go lol . I can relate to what you are saying about the chat room thingy you go to . I have been with a chatroom for quite a few years ago and made some good online buddies . Have actually met some of them too . We basically hep each other out like real friends do in the flesh so to speak . BUT like you said , they mean well when they give you a cyber hug , but you know that they dont understand . Here is a different ball game , and what a release it is .
Now about being embrassed , that is definately part of the 'condition' . I used to on here but not now . I feel alot more confident writing now .
Miki think about this , you used to post me some lovely helpful things a few months ago when i was at rock bottom . They made a huge difference at the time (d'oh still do) . Now if there are a few people who come on here and lurk spot something that relates to them and it helps them WOW . You know how much relief you get when you know that its not just you , your not a freak so to speak cos that how i felt sometimes . What im gettingn at you are helping other people and you dont even realize it .
This is really the best place to express myself, so I can. Things cleared up with the complicated situation and it turned out that it was just myself worrying about a little thing, Phew! I am feeling good right now.
There is no reason for you to feel embarrassed. Everyone is going through the same thing, and we are all here for the same reason, to help, support, listen to, and encourage one another. You will not be judged for posting how you are feeling or what you are going through, because there is most likely someone else who is going through the exact same thing.
I thought of writing about my anxiety in full detail in the "chat" room thing today... but I became afraid of the reactions I would receive from my friends. They basically know about it... but I'm not that close to them... but I enjoy writing in that site with them. I created another situation for myself yesterday with other friends... but that had nothing to do with my anxiety, anyway, it became a complicated situation and it stressed me out a bit again. These type of things happen one after another, don't they? But **** happens... and that is the way to learn. I don't have too many friends but I am not really close to any of them anymore. They all live really far away from me also. I'm afraid to reveal myself because I think I'm extreme... especially right now. And I sometimes don't like to get the nice comfort because I feel like they don't understand and are just saying things to make me feel better. I'm starting to get embarrassed writing this here too... but this is really the only place I can let go.
I agree with Minnie.. I have a very close circle of QUALITY friends now that all know about me and my "quirk"... whereas before (and most of my life) I had an QUANTITY of "friends"...but lacked any quality... And CD.. I loved to drink when I was younger too.. It gave me the "boost" when I was feeling not social... It was a great coping tool for me... plus I was the life of the party.. or so I thought ;) I don't drink very often now.. but that's a whole other blog...
As for telling people.. I tell everyone.. I'm not ashamed of who I am or what I'm becoming... My life before was a facade of perfection.. Great job, great looking (ha ha... just thought I'd throw that in), great hubby, great marriage... and really inside I was a MESS... and hated myself for pretending to be something I wasn't... Perfect...
And Miki... you already know that you have to stop pressuring yourself.. but it's all part of the cycle.. Once you accept who you are and "forgive" yourself for what you're going through the pressure will begin to ease...
Most of the time I'm good at that but I have my moments of self doubt too..
I also hid my anxiety for years , even from my hubby . You can hide it so well . To others i was a really happy go lucky person , couldnt be further from the truth at times ! Drink helped when i was younger . Gave me soooooo much confidense .
I have now actually told everyone about myself , what a huge relief that was . I dont get any pressure now which is great . I dont actually have any friends where i live now , plenty of people i speak to but not a true friend . Sort of lost contact when i moved . Dosnt bother me most of the time , im devoted to my family anyway .
Mum and sister were my best friends , but they are always so busy .
I used to hide my anxiety, now I just tell everyone, at first they dont understand, but one friend I realised she was super confident, but she was afraid of things, and I realised we all have fears, if they dont ever contact you again, then you realise that person wasnt a friend at all. Some people come accross so confident, then you realise they are just as nervous as you. My new friend from down the street, drives, so she told me she is terrified and only drives to walmart and back, I would not of guessed in a million years she was afraid. She takes the bus everywhere else, and only drives locally.
Hello Miki , agree with Minnie . You shouldnt talk if your not feeling up to it . Although this made you very anxious because you feel like you are going to be caught out . So expaining about yourself might help . That might make you feel uncomfortable , it depends on how well you know this person . Try not to beat yourself up about it ok
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