I'm glad you found your way back to this site! It's a great resource not just for the program but for the forums, which really help in making you feel like you're not going through this alone, which you're not! I, too, have felt like I'm back to square one after making some real progress. Someone described it to me this way, which helped me a lot: think of it more as an upward spiral. It may feel like you're back at square one, but really you have learned a lot and have more tools in place since the last flare up of anxiety. If nothing else, you know something else that doesn't work for you! Keep at it.
I also get the choking sensation during panic attacks. For some reason it makes me feel a little better to hear that others have it too - it keeps me from worrying that there's something else physically wrong with me.
Thomas - Thanks so much for your comments. They definitely help a lot! I kind of knew in the back of my mind, but it's good to hear from the source that getting stirred up is part of the progress. I'll keep at it, and will go at my own pace.
Davit and Red - I definitely plan to stick with the program here. I worked through the first four sessions when I first joined then stopped when things started going better. This time I'm going to see it all the way through.
I'm not using mindfulness to search for a cure for my anxiety, I'm learning about it as a tool to both help me relax, help me cope with my emotions, learn to live more in the present, be kinder to myself and less judgemental, etc., and all of these things can help me better deal with my anxiety. The box breathing as described in the program hasn't done a lot for me, and I've found that some of the mindfulness meditations are more relaxing. Others stir more stuff up for me, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because it helps me realize what some of the underlying issues are. Part of my problem has been "I'm anxious....but WHY?" I've had a hard time figuring out what exactly I'm afraid of. I think some of the mindfulness practices are opening me up to some of my deeper issues.
I have been working on my exposure plan for about a week now, and I had a question about the order you go through things on the list. I know ideally you would work from step to step through the plan as things progress, but what are your thoughts on doing exposure to things of varying difficulty on different days throughout the week?
Right now I am working on going to events like lectures, movies, etc. either with a safe person or by myself. The availability of exposing myself to these things depends on a set schedule of events that are happening, so I've been jumping around a little bit in terms of the difficulty level of my daily exposure. For example, last weekend I went to a movie (2.5 hours) with my boyfriend as part of my exposure practice. Tomorrow, I will be going to a lecture (1 hour) by myself. So, I'm doing exposure every day or at least several times a week, but I'm not doing the exact same thing over and over again. I just want some reassurance that that's okay!
Great job! I agree with SIM, it is so motivating to read about your success with exposure - it gives me hope. Definitely reward yourself for a job well done.
Thank you so much for the kind words. It's good to know someone else is working through the same thing too, and that you're also switching up the order based on availability of others and scheduling. I agree, getting out there is the most important part! I actually don't mind the varying challenges - I do some of the "easier" days and it makes me better prepared to handle a harder challenge, but I also know I don't have to stay at the high difficulty levels day after day after day - facing a fear rating of 5 will help just like facing a fear rating of 8 will. Anyway I'm rambling now, but keep me posted on your progress too!
Does he normally do the training at the same times every day? If so, leaving your home to go somewhere else like a coffee shop as you suggested could be a good way to avoid dealing with the noise and the stress it causes you. You mentioned the police talked to him - did nothing come of that? It sounds like he might be violating some kind of noise ordinance laws. Information about your local laws should be pretty easy to find online.
This is a great thread - I think a lot of us anxiety sufferers end up a bit isolated, especially if our anxiety deals with social situations. I feel like "coming out" with my anxiety has resulted in finding out a bit who my real friends are. Quite a few people I would spend time with have sadly had not much to do with me during this tough time - fairweather friends, who may be there to do things with when I'm doing better again, but that's not that great! A few people have really let me know they're there for me and that's great, but I also would like to meet new people and make new friends.
My situation is a little different in that I'm younger, but I don't like the typical young-people hang outs like bars for meeting people! Classes or workshops are a great idea (could also be a great exposure practice if you're like me!). One thing I've also done is reach out to older friends (from high school in my case) that I've lost touch with. This has resulted in rekindling some old friendships, or at least having some people to exchange letters and e-mails with. One of them actually deals with some anxiety issues too, so that has been a nice support.
Let us know what else you come up with and what works for you!
You have made great progress and should be proud! Thank you for posting your success story here. I'm working through my first weeks of exposure now and I look forward to the time when the world is a less scary place!
You're definitely not alone. I've dealt with panic attacks on and off throughout my life too. I had been mostly panic free for years until about a year and a half ago, and since then I've had some major ups and downs. During my worst bad spells I too feel like I'm fighting off panic attacks all day. The best thing to do is just tell yourself that it won't stay that way forever - you will improve! Also that panic attacks, as miserable as they are, won't physically hurt you.
I'm working through the program right now in hopes that it will help me find a more long term solution. Keep posting on the forum - I've found that support from other members is one of the biggest helps!
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