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Posts created by Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Lack of Direction

Sunny,

Thanks for your support. This is basically what I did at the beginning of the season - had a frank talk with the owner. A few small things changed, but the more important things didn't. I stuck with it and maybe shouldn't have been so surprised when panic attacks started to take over. Now that I've back off from work I realize that's the right thing to do in this case. The see-saw of what to do had been going on for me and this job for over a year, now I know I'm onto different and better things!

Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Social Anxiety

Shari,

Thank you so, so much for your kind words of support. I know I am making progress but sometimes I get overwhelmed by how far I still want to go that it really helps to have others cheering along the way to remind me that these are important victories.

You guys have got me thinking with all this soap and candle making talk! I was trying to think of something fun to do this fall that could also double as holiday gifts and this may be something to look in to.....

Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Mindfulness

Loves Trees-

I saw you had mentioned mindfulness in other posts so I'm glad you chimed in here. While I think the CBT program here is extremely helpful to work towards confronting the situations and thoughts that bring on panic attacks, I've so far found that mindfulness helps in other ways. For me, I think the guided meditations I have been doing have been helping to reveal some of the underlying issues that lead me to become over-anxious. I bottle things up so much that it overflows into panic attacks, but I've gotten so "good" at it over the years that I'm not always even sure anymore what I'm bottling up. Using mindfulness practices has made me more open to confronting some of my underlying fears, judgments, and criticisms that I've held onto so tightly they make me panicky. In other words, the CBT program prepares me to confront my negative core beliefs, but mindfulness has helped me realize what some of those negative core beliefs actually are.

Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Social Anxiety

Yesterday someone mentioned to me that the local elementary school is always looking for adults to volunteer and do science activities with the kids. I'm thinking this might be a good way for me to work on my social anxiety a little bit this fall/winter. It could be as little as an hour a week and for some reason children might be a little less anxiety-inducing than adults.

When working through things like this program, it's easy to get really self-involved....not in a negative way, because it's all about taking care of yourself and working to get better, but if that's all you do you can become too obsessed with yourself. Volunteering, or doing something focused on taking care of or helping someone or something else, seems like it would be good when working on recovery.

I'm not sure if I'll do the elementary school thing....I may start by volunteering at the animal shelter. The cats and dogs that need attention there are probably an even "easier" first step when it comes to working with social anxiety.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

planning for exposure work

Loves Trees-

Regarding your relationships with other people I think it is inevitable that some of those relationships will change as you begin to conquer your anxiety, but this isn't always a bad thing. It was really hard for me to step away from my job to take better care of myself for a little while, and some people at work that I used to be friends with either don't understand what I'm dealing with or resent me for leaving during a busy time - but I can't control what they think or feel about the situation, only what I do. So some of my friendships have changed or been lost, but another friendship has actually gotten stronger because she has experienced occasional panic attacks and has made an extra effort to spend time with me now that she knows what I'm going through. As a result we've found out we have a lot in common and are starting to become better friends! So, the relationships that last are the ones that you are going to want to keep anyway - the ones based on true friendship and not something else.

With exposure I've had some difficulty thinking about how to control exposure to some of the things I'm anxious about to. If it's something like "being rejected" that's harder to set up an exposure plan for. Maybe read the exposure session now and see if you can start applying part of that when those situations do come up for you? I'm still trying to figure this out myself, and working on some of the other things that are easier to build an exposure plan for, assuming the rest will improve as well.

Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

exposure work

Red and Ashley - Thanks for this discussion. I'm also starting to challenge and redirect my mind chatter more often. I have a long drive coming up by myself tomorrow and I have been worrying about it for a couple weeks. Whenever those worrying and what if thoughts come up I try to redirect my focus. I try more positive self-talk and tell myself I really want to go on this visit! One thing I have noticed when filling out my exposure worksheets is that the anxiety preceding the event or immediately before it is often worse than the anxiety when I'm actually in the experience. Red, I think it is easier to get yourself to do something for exposure when deep down it is something you really want for yourself, like in your case taking this quilting class. I bet you can make it to the store and to the class and you'll be really glad you did!

Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Conquering Your Fears

Cleo,

This is an awesome success, thank you so much for sharing it. It sounds like you applied the exposure plan perfectly and it worked - that gives me hope! If you don't mind my asking, as someone who is working at challenging my "mind chatter" as we called it in another post, what did you tell yourself on those days you had to turn back without making it all the way? That is one of the hardest times for me, when I don't yet complete the task I set out for myself.

I too look forward to the picture of you out at the end of the pier! It sounds like you have a great supportive husband to help you along and take that photo!

Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Feeling Great

Leanna,

Congratulations and thanks for posting this. I too look forward to the day when I can say I am in control! I like the idea of writing down two positive affirmations a week. Coming up with daily goals is something I have been starting to do, too, and it really helps.

Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Problems with Avoidance

I know avoidance is not the route to recovery, but I struggle sometimes when I try to figure out when distraction is okay and when it is a subtle avoidance strategy. I think usually distraction is good, especially when it involves engaging in something that you would normally be doing in that type of situation - like Sunny said noticing things on a walk, or for me taking notes during a lecture helps me focus more on the speaker and less on my anxiety.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Drive - I did it!

Yesterday was my big 5 hour drive by myself that I had been worrying about for weeks. It's a drive I have done many times in the past to visit family, but I hadn't done it by myself in a while, and not since my bad anxiety flare ups in the last year.

I had practiced a lot of positive self-talk in the week working up to the drive, telling myself I could do it and that even if I panicked I could just pull over and get through it and it would be okay. Well, as the moment drew closer, I started really doubting myself!

Since I live on an island the drive started with a ferry ride, and let me tell you, I seriously considered not getting on that ferry. Even after I got on the ferry I thought of as many possible escape routes as I could: maybe I could just get on the next ferry and go back home, maybe I could beg my boyfriend to come over and do the drive with me, etc.

During the hour ferry ride is when I was the most worked up. I did take a Xanax at that point, because otherwise I think I may have gone right back home! I really don't like taking drugs but I will do it if the anxiety gets bad enough or if there's some situation I really need to get through. One thing that was interesting for me was that I was crying during almost the entire ferry ride. I'm not often very emotional - part of my problem is I bottle up my emotions and then when they boil over they come out as panic attacks. So though I felt anxious it wasn't one of the worse panic attacks I've had....instead there were a lot of tears, which I think was a good thing, because it was letting out how frustrated and tired I was of feeling that way and dealing with all this.

Cleo, I have to say I kept the image in my head of you at the end of that pier as part of my inspiration!

Once the ferry ride was over I had calmed down quite a bit. I was able to do the drive without another panic attack, though occasionally I felt some more "waves" of anxiety.

The other tough thing was today I had a wedding to go to (part of the reason for my visit, to go to my friend's wedding), and then an evening social situation with old friends. I really wanted to do both these things but they were still challenges, and especially doing them right after a hard day yesterday. I took another Xanax because I really wanted to enjoy the wedding, but got through the evening social event without one.

It's still really easy for me not to celebrate these victories, because these are things I used to do no problem and I feel like I "should" be able to do them now. But, I'm working on being prouder of myself and kinder to myself, because this was a really big step for me at this point, and I did it!!

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