Coping with Work
Thanks for the great advice Davit.
I thought I would post another update. I was *very* close to giving my two weeks notice but didn't feel quite right about it. Instead I had another very honest talk with my boss, who up to this point was not very understanding. I keep things together pretty well at work, even if I'm having a bad anxiety day I tend to hide it, so I don't think anyone really realized how tough of a situation I was in or what I was going through. I told him what it had been like at home before work over the last couple of weeks and I think he finally realized what I've been dealing with.
Instead of quitting I have been taken off the regular schedule at work except for one shift a week. If I feel up to working I can call in and one of the people picking up the extra shifts can get an extra half day off. This takes so much of the pressure off because I was in total survival mode, always worrying about how I was going to make it through the next shift. Now I can still tackle it, but on my own terms. This is a busy time of year for us, but after a year or more of frustration I'm impressed that suddenly they are being so accommodating. It's always hard to for me to talk about my anxiety, but in this case it has finally paid off.
This job goes through October (it's seasonal) so I'm hoping I can take a few extra days off to regroup and then work at getting back in the swing of things. I want to feel like I end the season in a good place, and then I can decide whether or not to return next year (probably not - but at least I will be ending on my own terms).
I am young, and I do want to work through this so I don't lead the rest of my life as fearful as I have been lately! Working through feeling and expressing emotions I think will be a big part of my work. I know I'm still bottling up the frustration/sadness of having this set back and having to cut back from work. I haven't been able to let those feelings out yet - instead I just feel immense relief at having taken some of the immediate pressure off.