I'm another one guilty of people-pleasing at the expense of taking care of myself, and also of being a perfectionist to the point that I set unrealistic goals for myself. I really only came to this realization about myself recently - I guess that's an important first step!
Shari - You're right about true friends saying "It's okay" if you say you cannot or do not want to do something. I have had anxiety and panic attacks off and on throughout my life but until recently I did everything I could to always keep it a total secret. As I've learned to be a little more open about it, the responses from other people have been two fold - either it is a neutral response because they don't understand anxiety, or I find out they have some personal experience with it too and I have another friend I can talk to about it! Neither one of those outcomes is the end of the world.
Caring less what others think is still a tough thing to overcome!
Thanks for your response. I've gone through a workbook for panic attacks I bought too and found elements of it helpful but the system wasn't quite right for me either. I haven't heard of Claire Weeks but I'll look it up and let you know what I think.
I think riding the boat without working would be easier, but still difficult (maybe a 6 or 7 on a scale of 1-10, compared to a 9). So I know agoraphobia plays a role, but there is more there.
This job has changed a lot in the last two years. This is my sixth summer working it, but two years ago the company expanded and things got much busier and more stressful. I also feel like the employers began to focus a lot more on the bottom line than on some of the smaller things that made it a better experience for employees and customers alike. I don't know if all of that played a role in my increased anxiety, but it played a role in me liking the job less.
I think part of it might be some type of claustrophobia, too. I don't know how to describe it other than that I feel trapped on the boat just like I feel trapped on a plane when I fly (which I also struggle with). I am more comfortable in any situation where I know I could leave if I had to.
Thanks for continuing to discuss all this with me.
Samantha - so far it has reaffirmed my recent realization that I probably judge myself too harshly - definitely much harsher than I would judge others. Also by having to define the elements of the core belief it helps me recognize areas I could work on to challenge the belief and help change it into a more positive one. But I'm looking forward to the next steps given by Jason, because while it has made the beliefs I have and would like more clear I still want to know how to boost it up to the 80 or 100 level!
Thanks Davit. The only reason I was considering it was because it was on their site that I found the exercise that actually provides some relief for the gag feeling - so I thought maybe they would have more to offer, too.
I'm not sure I followed everything you were saying, so let me check in and see. I do have a core belief that performance and quality are more important than making an extra buck, but I had never really considered before that this plays a role in my anxiety. Let me talk it out - maybe it does. I do have emotions surrounding the fact that the company has changed, and I have difficulty expressing emotions. In this case, I want to avoid confrontation and I (in theory) want to keep working at my job, so I keep all the emotions in, and eventually they may (at least contribute to) boil over into anxiety.
I also have a core belief that I should like this job, because so many elements of it are right up my alley in terms of what I like to do and what I see myself doing down the road. So there is definitely a conflict in that I DON'T like it - lots of emotions there, too. But I still often feel that the anxiety is something separate from me that I can get rid of (I know this isn't 100% realistic), so I believe that if I got rid of my anxiety maybe I would like this job again. I'm also scared to look for a different job since this is what I've known for years and I don't know if I could find something else that gets me out looking at wildlife and taking photos.
As I've thought about it over the last few days agoraphobia plays a much larger role in my current anxious situation that I realized. In the past, when I was growing up, that wasn't my major issue, so this is a new difficulty for me to tackle.
Welcome! I hope you find all the tools on the site helpful and will continue to post. It is very encouraging to see others having success and helpful to know that you aren't alone in dealing with these types of fears. I, too, am ready to shed that worry wort persona and be a new and stronger person! It sure is a process, but it will be worth it.
I think a lot of us have either feelings of unreality or strong fears that there is something else wrong with us during a panic attack (or both!). The best thing I've found to do in the moment is to tell myself that what I'm experiencing is a panic attack, and although the sensations are uncomfortable they are all just symptoms of the panic and not anything else. I also repeat to myself that while I may feel miserable at the time, panic attacks will not cause me or anyone else any permanent physical harm. This doesn't always make the feelings go away, but it helps me calm my mind a little bit and "ride out" the rest of the anxiety attack.
Sounds like we have a lot in common. I'm on another island not too far away from you! Flying is also still out of the question for me, though my boyfriend wants me to fly back east with him around the holidays this year so I'm going to try and make that happen. It will probably involve both Xanax and clutching his arm tightly, though!
I really like the sentiment of "I did the best I could, with the knowledge that I had, at the time" - I'm going to try and tell myself that about some of my past anxious experiences, instead of getting so frustrated about how I failed to do as good of a job as I wanted.
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