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Venting

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Thank you everyone for your posts.

I have been thinking and thinking of all sorts of things lately. From leaving my husband to the bad thing that we don't discuss on this website.

I just found out this morning that I am going to be a Grandma. Not from my son, not from his girlfriend (mother of 3 children already) but from her ex-boyfriend. I got ahold of my son and confirmed it. I was freaking out. He is going to take me out for lunch on the weekend so I can meet this young lady. I am resigned to the fact that this is going to happen but it really brings me down and makes my stomach curdle.

I love my son and I will love my grandbaby.

Can't we turn back time to when my kids were little, cute and sterile. LOL.

To make matters worse, we have had to file for bankruptcy, the collection agencies still won't stop calling us it is getting very frustrating.

My co-worker is going on vacation at the end of the week (she really deserves the trip to Mexico) I hope she has fun. I am jealous though that my family is struggling just to put food on the table and her family can go on vacation. Blah, blah, blah. Whining again, it feels so good to get it out.

Well gotta go, hubby is picking me up for lunch, hopefully my headache will go away.

Take care all.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Furgittit, I went away over the New Year's Eve weekend and just returned. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and I support you. I hope you can let us know if you got any help with the gp and or community group things that the moderator was discussing. Please keep us posted!

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 199

Furgittit,

I am so sorry! I am hear listening and well always be here for you when I am online.

My prayers will be with you and your family tonight.

Red

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hi Furgittit,

I"m sorry to hear that you are going through all of that! You are unique and capable individual and you need to focus on your health and well-being at this point. Seek consult from your doctor when you see him/her this week, visit your local community centre to see if they have any support groups in your area. Work through the program, and keep posting. We are here for you and we will always be here to listen, support and give you feedback. Please check in soon.

Samantha, Bilingual Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Warning!!! This is definitely one of those feel sorry for me posts.

I sit here at my desk looking for a place of my own. I have come to several realizations lately.

1. My husband abuses me. Not physically, but emotionally, he makes it impossible to have a "normal" relationship, I am always the mom and the one who must take care of him. Even when he pretends that he wants to share responsibilities, my opinion doesn't matter if it doesn't match his, he gets angry and storms out without hearing what is actually said.

2. I walk on eggshells and do everything I can to please my husband, my children and everyone around me.

3. There is no-where for me to go, unless I come up with the money on my own, I have researched the temporary housing alternatives and because he doesn't beat me or the kids, I don't qualify for any help. My mind is mushy and beaten to a pulp but that doesn't seem to count.

4. I don't qualify for mental health temporary housing, because I am able (barely) to hold a job, and my diagnoses of depression, BPD, OCD, anxiety are not sufficient to qualify me for their help.

5. There is a program in Calgary that is highly recommended for people with BPD but I have no way to move there and it isn't offered in Edmonton, unless you want to pay $200.00 per hour out-of-pocket. The one program covered in Edmonton is one you have to have a complete breakdown and be hospitalized at the hospital before you can even get a referral.

6. I am starting to zone out. Literally, I just sit, for how long I don't know, it is like I am working, driving or watching tv, then all of a sudden time (a few seconds to an hour) has passed and nothing has been done.

7. My thoughts are becoming more scattered and darker. The taboo thoughts (S, SI etc.) are becoming more frequent and I have tried distraction, deep breathing, etc. and the thoughts keep coming. I have even attempted to enter my fantasy world (where everything is great and happy), the one I used to go to, to just take a break, I can't even do that without those thoughts intruding. My headaches are worse, my pains are more frequent to never ending, I live in constant fear (or relief) that the chest pain is a heart attack. My skin is rashing up and drying out.

I have a doctors appointment on Saturday (believe it or not, just my GP the yearly appointment) and hopefully I will gain the courage to discuss these issues with her.

On the upside the snow is falling lightly and covering up all the dirt deposited by the sanders.

Thanks everyone for listening.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

furgittit,

Well, I said I had no advice regarding relationships, though I can relate to your relationship with your dad as my relationship was quite the same. When I spoke with my dad about his talking to me the way he did "Dad, I am not going to allow you to speak to me that way, berate me, or question my decisions. If you continue to do so, I will not listen and hang up.". Well, that was the easy part. Hanging up was the hard part when it happened again and again. He finally got the message and the conversations changed. There was some silence there for a while. He wasn't used to me setting boundaries. Boundaries is the key word here. Unfortunately I was in my late 30's early 40's when I did that. Over time the relationship changed. When he passed away a year ago, we'd had the best relationship a girl could ask for.

I can tell you setting boundaries in other relationships was necessary as well and it was that late in life that I started. It wasn't easy but it can be done. I don't know nor does anyone else know where YOU need to draw that line (my experience was only an example). However, your relationship with that person currently is and where you want it to be is where you draw the line. I hope that makes sense. There are some really great books out there on boundaries.

Hang in there and know we are listening.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

Still looking to move. But hanging in there.

I was on the phone with my dad last night, yay, he was giving me poop for not telling him about my son's legal problems and telling me that "we" have to do something to set my son straight and that I have lost alot of credibility with my father. I told him that it was not my secret to tell and I was asked not to say anything, then my dad went on and on. I told him I was going to argue with him about it. It is very upsetting how he is more interested in my children than he was in me as a child. I don't get it.

My dad is always complaining about how broke he is, yet he keeps getting great deals and is able to pay cash for them, ie. $2000 treadmill for $1200 and a new $2000 leather couch for $1200. I wish I were as broke as him.

Today my dad phoned me at work because he finally remembered my birthday. I told him it was no big deal and he tried to pick an argument with me again blah blah yes it is I am so sorry blah blah. Whatever, I am fed up with it, if it's not about him and his wants/needs/desires then it isn't important right? I am so tired of everything and just about ready to give up.

Upside to moving, new life, new friends (if I choose to have them), no more whining from hubby, don't give out my phone number, no whining from my dad, not having to be everyone's rock, therapist, venting flange, arranging appointments for a grown man, ensuring he takes all his med's and eats right. Downside, moving, packing, finding a place, making new friends.

Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy. Bah Hum Bug.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Furgitit, I think you might have saw a post I wrote re: relationships. I've not had much success with successful ones, so I hesitate to interject. Know that I will support you in whatever decision you decide is in your best interest and will be here to listen. Please take the time to think things through so that you have the path of least resistance when you do what you decide to do.

Keep us posted please.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 199

Hello Furgittit,

I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I really wish I could make this all go away for you. I know financial difficulties can really take a tole on a relationship. I will be here to listen to you and support you in any decision you make.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Sid

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 271

I am serious in my moving. How my hubby would take it, is completely up to him. He would probably take it passively as he doesn't fight for himself, let alone for the family.

With respect to the kids, lawyers, eh. It would be simple for me to make the Parenting application (not divorce as we are not married but have been common-law for 20 years) to the courts and my hubby would probably just agree with everything, then a simple consent Order and wallah all done. It is a good thing that I do this for a living or I would be lost.

Property, not such a big deal, I take all the kids stuff and my stuff, he can have everything else. Child support isn't really an issue either, he isn't working, I don't expect it.

The kids are old enough 17 and 13 to decide where they want to be, and I am certain with the way that my hubby has been acting and treating everyone, they would move with me.

My life wouldn't be much different, as I would still be the mom, but without a 39 year old child (temper tantrums and all) to have to take care of and obviously no nooky (which I don't really need anyway).

I am just too tired to continue to fight for a relationship that is completely one-sided anyway.

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