I have to admit the bad days don't ever go completely away. It is the human condition to once in a while have a bad day. EVERYONE has bad days! But the good days do become much more frequent. I haven't had a full blown PA in so long! And I know if one comes I can handle it. It would just be a bad day. No big deal. As for mini PA, I don't even track them anymore! I don't have many and when I do it affects me so little I rarely think of writting them down in my tracker. so really it does get better. It doesn't go away completely in my case but it gets so much better it gets GOOD! So hang in there, this too shall pass! Hang on to the good days and let go of the bad ones. Eventually you will have more good days then bad!
From my experience, it hasn't gone away. I still get anxiety, mini PA's and such. But my determination to get better, to get out of this hole I've dug myself into, keeps me going.
The other day you had a good day. Remember how good it felt? Keep pushing through, knowing that even though those days may be far and between, they exist! Whenever I experience them, it makes all the hard work worthwhile. (At least during those days. )
Who knows, maybe they'll even become more frequent...
Well it's back to the roller coaster of pa's, today 2 mini ones. I'm thinking how long do I have to battle this, will it ever go away?
Today was quite a busy day for me. Going for 3 hour orientation session at a hospital were I wanted to volunteer, meeting with my social worker, going for a flu shot.
I just feel so down at the moment and had a good cry to myself. I feel as if the stuffing was knocked out of me.
I won't say don't be so hard on yourself, but that doesn't mean I can't type it...don't be so hard on yourself! Just because you dodged the bullet, doesn't mean you won't feel the heat from it. You're right about not knowing when it will hit, but just goes to show the next time one does, you have officially found one thing that works for you. Build from that.
Well you are right. I do think you should be proud of yourself for averting a full PA. I think once you accept those partial PA can happen in life, they lose their power over you altogether.
Wish I had better to offer. Hang in there. Some days are rainy but the sunny ones always come back :) And hey, sometimes you get rainbows!
Oh well after months of no pa's I just had one. Mum & I were coming home in a taxi & the guy was driving too fast. All of a sudden my fear level just shot up & I felt if I was going to lose it, I know classic pa symptom. I closed my eyes, tried to calm down & my mum held my hand. I was able to avert it escalating but feel like a failure for having it in the first place. You would think having 60 - 70 attacks (mostly last year)I would be used to them, who am I kidding.
I know, I know what you guys are going to say I shouldn't be so hard on myself as I was able to avert a full blown. It's just the fact of not having one for so long & that you never know when it will rear it's ugly head.
I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I agree that just beacause you have the thoughts does not mean you will act on them. so hang in there. You obviously love your mom. This too shall pass!
Just one thing to add the scary thoughts about hurting my mum, iis something I would and could never ever do. I am the kind of person that if there is a bug in the house I will catch it in a container & then take it outside and release it.
Which is why the having the thought just terrifies and depresses me.
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