My five year ramble.
I couldn't really think what to say for this post - and those that know me would find it hard to believe that I was lost for words!
My quit buddy Rusty has already summed things up far better than I could.
But I do feel I ought to post something inspirational for such a momentous milestone, so I'll start with a random collection of thoughts, memories and tips and see where it leads.
I remember how very frightened I was on the night before Q day. I was frightened that I would fail and even more frightened that I would succeed and perhaps most of all, I was frightened by the idea of the cravings.
I don't think I was truly committed to the idea of quitting, I was more thinking that I ought to try, then I could say I'd tried but failed and that I was much too addicted to ever quit. Imagine my surprise on day one when I actually found myself managing to stay smoke-free and I suddenly thought "I could do this"
Of course, I hadn't actually prepared much, I hadn't thrown away any cigarettes or ashtrays and I hadn't made any sort of plan. I found a little UK based forum, but it was very quiet, more of a social networking site for people who quit some while ago. I made a couple of posts and got a couple of replies, but there really wasn't much happening there.
I managed to stumble through day 1 and woke up on day 2 and decided to look for some better help and support. I looked at a couple of forums, but they either seemed very rigid in their ideas or they were strictly US based. Then I found SSC.
I remember being irritated by the idea of working through the program - and was not inspired by the idea of planning all of those rewards! But I made a start anyway and started posting, the good people here made me welcome and encouraged me.
I nearly slipped around day 30, I found a half smoked cigarette in my car (slob!) and almost convinced myself that I could 'handle it'. Thankfully I didn't smoke it, mainly because I couldn't bring myself to disappoint the people here and mess up my one month posting.
Along the way in my quit, I learnt some pretty important things, which helped me to 'nail it' and here they are in no particular order:
I learnt about brain chemistry and how cigarettes altered it to stimulate the rewards centre in the brain. I realised how important it was to reward myself often and to tell myself how I deserved to be rewarded - that helped to stop me ever feeling deprived. I also paid more attention to my plan and found it helped a lot.
I learned and accepted that I was a nicotine addict. I learned that I could never smoke 'just one' or be a 'social smoker' - that those people who could pick up and put down smoking weren't in any way stronger willed or better than I was, they just had a genetic difference in how their liver processed nicotine. NOPE became my mantra.
I learned that there was a difference between cravings and 'smoking thoughts' - that my brain would continue to deliver smoking thoughts long after I was comfortable with my quit and that I shouldn't let this trouble me any more than going to the wrong cupboard for something that was now stored in a different place.
I learnt that I could quit smoking without avoiding smokers or drinking alcohol, but that this route was not for everyone. I found that by planning well (escape routes!) and meeting triggers head on, that I could defuse them faster.
I learned that you have to be quit 'for all of the seasons' - that each time of the year would bring fresh triggers - again the knowledge was power, because I was able to laugh off most of them towards the end of my first year, rather than worrying about why I was still having triggers.
Perhaps the most important thing I learnt was that the support of others was invaluable in quitting - and that by reading and posting here, supporting and being supported, the journey was easier.
That's why, even though I might disappear for long periods of time (like my quit buddy Rusty, smoking and quitting is not something I think about very often these days) I will always resurface here from time to time and post for a while.
I would like to thank just about everyone here in SSC for my quit. I shall single out a few names from the many who helped me, but I'm bound to forget somebody important!
Thank you to Penitent, Lolly, Lizzie, Rachel, Tresa, John W and Josie who lit the path ahead of me and Duffis, Ladybugg, Lady and Butterflyswimmer who were right behind me on the path and especially thank you to Rusty who walked the journey with me.
Merry Christmas everyone and here's to five years!
My Milage:My Quit Date: 12/16/2004
Smoke-Free Days: 1826
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 58,432
Amount Saved: �11,686.40
Life Gained:Days: 257
Hrs: 11
Mins: 29
Seconds: 19
but rest assured I will think of something soon.
