I am reminded of a two chair technique used by one counsellor where my self and my social anxiety engaged in a discussion. The anxiety expressed how it was simply trying to be protective and sheild the self from discomfort. The regular self had to present the arguement that it was mature enough to handle adult situations.
The discussion continues.
yes, I think I need to inventory the feelings and reactions I'm having and work backwards to what distorted thoughts I may be having in the background as I'm not explicitly aware of negative thinking, just acting/responding like I must be.
My danger is just hiding out versus trying to tackle things head on. Using distraction to the point that I've totally avoided addressing an undercurrent of problems.
Oh well, just another chance to try something practical.
Mine is more anticipatory, I may remain composed if I can just get myself there. I have been off work unexpectedly due to a major backslide into crippling anxiety. Now I am being called in front of two supervisors, an occupational health nurse, a rehab administrator and an external rehab contractor.
Against my usual way of approaching such things, if I can muster the courage I intend to give as clear an explanation of my situation which should help open up the dialogue for establishing an ongoing solution. Or could make me feel dangerously vulnerable.
wish me luck
Although I've been away from it for a while, I gained a lot of speaking confidence from attending Toastmasters. Shopping around for the group that felt most comfortable and supportive. I did apply myself to the program for a number of years though could probably use a refresher at this point. Just another possible option.
Due to a number of incidents all happening in a row, I found myself incapable of returning to work after a short planned vacation. I believe is started with being falsely accused of criticising the leader of a social anxiety group, then being made to feel unwelcome at another support group. On my vacation I went to visit my parents which was also unsettling. When I began to contemplate the workload facing me, I became paralyzed and unable to follow through on getting to work. Anyway after three weeks of battling the anxiety, I began to turn things around. One of the keys was to come clean with some of the people around me about the trouble that I was in. Otherwise I was content to pretend everything was fine in front of most others. Anyway, had the big meeting with representatives from work (2 supervisors, rehab admin, occupational health nurse, HR rep, and rehab consultant) and am working half time for a couple of weeks before returning to full duties again. phew.
As a result of experiencing anxiety over a number of work related interactions, my projects were all handed over to other people. On the one hand I'm relieved but deep down I know I've got to learn to manage those complex and uneasy interactions. Can't just run away every time there is conflict.
I am taking a class on NonViolent Communications, as put forward by Marshall Rosenburg so we'll see if that contributes to my ability to properly manage difficult interactions.
I have often found that I can relate more comfortably with someone if they are on the phone. I know that many people really enjoy face to face contact but I find that more anxiety inducing, possibly because it is not as simple to exit as just hanging up the phone.
In my continuing discoveries and uncoverings, I learned that someone can be angry at you but still values the relationship. I believe that I associated someone's displeasure as a serious threat to the relationship. An unnatural tendency to avoid anger at all costs.
I realized recently too, that to have those difficult discussions requires a level of closeness and intimacy that I'm also remiss in achieving. Pretending there isn't a dispute leaves it unresolved and festering. So used to putting on a brave game face that I'm neither aware nor wishing to reveal when something has upset me. Instead of speaking the truth, I'll justify that I don't want to hurt the other person if my needs cross wires with keeping the peace
So wonderful to hear. And the before and after scenario too. I had attempted to get some more diplomas but was thwarted by my pesky anxiety interfering. And good to hear that you are following up with balanced self care. Without knowing it you have provided us all with renewed hope, at least you've inspired me.
Thank you and congratulations
After yet another episode. Though I would categorize the peak experiences as manic breaks more than panic. I can really detect some of the
crooked thinking that is underlying the dysfunction. Regradless of how many people tell me that I am capable, an undeniable voice somewhere
within me drowns them all out and says it won't be good enough.
They are really scaling back on the work they give me, since I have stranded projects twice now with unexpected absence. They will likely give me
materials that won't suffer if they are dropped or incomplete. A little downgrading but at this point I'm just happy I managed to get myself back to the
workplace which I couldn't even accomplish in the face of the voice telling me I was going to falter anyway.
People have been really accomodating but I'd prefer not to make this a regular occurence.
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