Hi Danielle,
I am finding it very difficult to allow emotions to flow freely. My distraction methods which seem to be mostly sleeping and TV right now fill the time so that I can't face up to how I"m really feeling. I am back at work after an extended mental health disability to my exposure work is being provided daily by a new manager piling on the work and me attempting to cope in the face of it all. I keep hoping that I will pick up the journal and start putting words to my discomforts as they are occuring but have yet to take that measure. I find that I am also prone to picking up cigarettes as an emotional crutch but have quit again and am determined to experience the emotions versus hiding from them.
I'll probably find it shortly after I post this, but how does one back up? Session six suggested rereading session 4&5 if I haven't really tackled any structured exposure work. Is there a way to back up? Or do we just read the reference text documents?
Hi Danielle,
Yes, I was attending yoga for a long time, starting initially as one of few exercises that I could do given a severe sciatica injury. And I link the sciatica injury as the physical trigger for the worst of my anxiety.
I have just signed up to take a QiGong class and also have an instructional video of similar work. Although fairly gentle physical exercises, the intent of gathering and circulating energy makes them more potent than their strictly physical level movement.
I had been using aroma therapy oils in the bath though have bought a few diffusers. I also burn incense. Watching the smoke rise can be calming too. Selecting scents that are both medicinal and appealing.
I also use herbal teas and sleep aids, most based on valerian root though they also include skullcap, hops, passion flower. These are very calming and certainly a better choice than the addictive and destructive caffiene option that I usually make.
We have a massage college in town which I was sampling. It can be hit and miss given that they are students just learning. I had been a client for the Shiatsu college and that was good. I may go back to try the Thai massage which assists in stretching out stiff muscles and joints.
I had a doctor once tell me that if I was to do all the right alternative activities, I probably would not need to take medication at all. Unfortunately I wasn't disciplined enough to make a daily practice of all the helpful modalities and ended up on pharmaceuticals. I still practice the other methods as a means of continuous improvement.
Hi Josie,
Thanks for this challenge. I have been stuck for way too long on avoiding the boring though eventually necessary house chores. I have been putting them off for so long, it is affecting my mood, not to mention possibly impacting health given germs etc.
And yet I can appreciate just how delighted I am when I take even a step in the right direction. But right now I am struggling with priority management and can't seem to direct my energy to those things that I "should" be doing.
Hi Danielle,
My primary diagnosis is Social Anxiety with undercurrents of General Anxiety. My social anxiety raises up to a worst case of panic attacks. I have also been told I exhibit traits of bipolar II. From attending local Mood Disorder support groups, I can be thankful that I do not suffer the full blown bipolar that others experience.
Your concise explanation of Social Anxiety is pretty accurate. Fear of being around other human beings. At some of my worst, complete isolation was a sense of relief.
I have identified that I am often hiding behind e-mail when I communicate with others. I have to pump myself up a little bit before I can make a Live phone call and really have to practice relaxation techniques if I'm expected to make a face to face appearance with clients.
So my goal is to choose a phone call or face to face meeting more often than relying on e-mail for everything.
Although counter to my social anxiety, I can reap benefits from attending support groups of various types. I probably wouldn't even have my present job if it wasn't for the boost I recieved from attending face to face meetings of Recovery Inc. They use a structured group approach utilizing a very CBT based approach, though it may not have been labeled that way when originally developed.
When I was off work on a disability directly connected to my anxiety and suffering significant depression, I found support through a local Mood Disorder group. Being able to speak openly about responses to medication, troubles with psychiatrists and describing symptoms in a forum of people unlikely to apply judgement. I sure wouldn't discuss details of my disability to many others.
Thanks Josie,
I met with my "job coach" today. She is essentially a mental health worker that provides counselling such that I can maintain employment in spite of suffering from anxiety, depression and bipolar II.
One of the major hurdles is communication. One impossible goal would be to ask my supervisor outright what the tension is between us. Real or imagined. I avoid anything so confrontational.
Next on the difficulty scale is openly expressing feelings and opinions. I will have to stay open to opportunities to practice, perhaps with safe people first, then move on to less comfortable recipients.
My most immediate goal is to practice making phone calls and face to face meetings more often as opposed to doing all communication by e-mail. Most obvious in my work environment, but I find myself doing the same thing with personal contacts. Should try the phone or meeting them too.
This story has aspects of success. Since I was on a gradual return to work after my disability leave, I am just slowly gaining a realistic workload. With excess time on my hands, I sent my resume to another organization just on a whim. To my shock and amazement, they are pursuing me and wanting me to come for an interview.
The part of me that has just survived finally getting back to full time work after being sent home due to my anxiety and then plunging into depression in response, my self image and even how people around me at work view me is as a bit fragile.
The job I applied for seems to be fairly high responsibility but it is possible I am really qualified as the labour market here has really tightened up and companies are facing the reality that huge numbers of employees are retiring.
My concern aside from I don't give enough credence to my qualifications is that it has taken me a long time to build up a support system, the lack of which contributed to my earlier inability to maintain employment. I can kid myself that much of my support now is coming through the computer and it shouldn't matter where I live. The job would require me to move cities again.
So anyway, a nice boost for the ego to be considered for this high level position but a tenuous self recognizing that maybe I need to play the cripple a little longer.
I am happy to report that I have been practicing being more openly honest with people and being less concerned with the reaction I get, so that is huge improvement.
I did pick up the phone on a few occasions this week when it would have been just as easy to continue with the email war.
I really enjoy having goals to strive for. Still having motivation and procrastination problems on the home front but trying to be gentle too.
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