EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Members List
Member View
Posts created by johnnyO

Advanced Search Form

Members List
Moderation Team
Member View
Posts created by johnnyO

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 138

getting self talk on-side

To carry on the saga, I became stalled in my software testing and my efforts to get unstalled were fruitless. I couldn't get feedback from an important director regarding my research report.

True to form, my initial reaction was panic. I entered in the symptom tracker. I was off work for two days essentially because I believed that these two projects were supposed to be finished by the end of the week and weren't going to be. When I finally talked with my job coach and then my supervisor, it was just a matter of switching off to other tasks though I detected that they would've like me to have those things completed but my panic reaction wasn't particularly productive.

Anyway, taking a week off for summer vacation and already have a sunburn. Hopefully I can get some good perspective and perhaps develop some routines that I can implement to assist with work. My job coach and supervisor have already set up an arrangement where they keep each other posted on my status. It's a little wierd to be under such scrutiny. Talk about social anxiety but it is all aimed at keeping me on the job and functioning with minimum disruptions.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 138

short setback, back in the saddle

on-going saga.

While on a one week vacation, feeling more relaxed, I made overtures to buy a condo.

When I got back to work after the vacation, the combined anxiety of the financial committment and the job requirements was too much. I ended up missing some more time at work. Plus I backed out suddenly from the condo deal.

I have just come out of a meeting with my supervisors where they've outlined just how much time I've missed in the last few months. They are very concerned about my ability to service the clients and are looking for alternative job duties for me again.

I have a job coach assigned by the local Mental Health agency and I will meet with her tommorrow and she may talk with my supervisor today. It sounds like we may need to suggest to the supervisors what types of job duties are going to be less likely to flip me into relapse.

The job coach is amazed at just how much accomodation the employer is willing to offer, but I'm sure their patience will grow thinner with each incident. Now I just have to show that I can maintain attendance. I did manage to make it to work everyday when I had the added incentive of consequences, so I just need to make a goal to attend work everyday regardless of how I'm feeling.

We will be determining the altered duties in the coming days. Stay tuned.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 138

Topic: Negative Core Beliefs VII

I caught myself in this one as I searched through the present job listings for both our provincial and federal governments. I couldn't help but believe that I was destined to be unfulfilled and never have the qualifications required for a really interesting job.

I also realized that I could change my attitude about my present job and see it as interesting and challenging. By accepting the requirement to flex and adapt a little, I would be less disturbed. Believing that somewhere else would be better has been a long time sin of mine. Grass always greener.

Bloom where you're planted.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 138

Topic: Synopsis of the program

i am always on guard about various and sundry forms of avoidance. It is a strategy that I have utilized for so long that I am a master.

I can change subjects in an uncomfortable conversation so masterfully that the person usually misses it.

I can use any number of distracting activities, though many could be labelled addictions as they are really just a way of avoiding dealing with what needs to be dealt with. Even if it is just excessive sleep.

Isolation or simply not revealing to people my present state of emotional being becomes a mode of sidestepping.

I am scheduled to be entered into a structured anxiety clinic where exposure is their major method. Hopefully the accountability to face up to fears will generate some progress

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 138

Myth Or Fact?

I often dismissed my distractability in school as being a bit too much IQ for what the public school had to offer. I had to teach myself honours algebra in grades 9-11 working independently from the mainstream class. But the deathly fear of social interaction was a major stumbling block. I never "dated" in the accepted sense and most socializing was pretty self destructive.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 138

Topic: Negative Core Beliefs VIII

It's rude to join in a conversation already in progress

People can be so rude

Greed is a sin, root of environmental destruction etc

Many people are filled with greed

Anger often leads to violence

I prefer peace over any kind of upset

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 138

How does one deal with the unavoidable?

sorry to jump in in mid stream. cats have a truly wonderful energy and that purring can sure soothe people. I don't know if you've heard the story. Without appearing morbid, it has been featured on mainstream news. A cat that lives in a hospice and goes and lies with the people just before they pass. The cat seems to sense when the time is near.

My office mate has a very valuable cat. it got sick recently and accumulated $8000 in vet bills. The vet had pity on them and dropped it to $4800. Just shows the tremendous bond that we form.

My apartment right now is very strict against pets and has an immediate eviction for anyone trying to get away with it. I hope that I will have the chance to have a cat again.

alright. back to your discussion.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 138

Smoking

I had smoked from an early age but have been quit more than not with 3yrs and 5yrs abstinence periods.

During a recent slip, someone put me on to the Voices of Nicotine Recovery, a voice/text chat room on PalTalk. There are people with varying degrees of abstinence and it can be comforting to hear others going through the same struggles and maybe a bit of warning hearing the health challenges experienced by others. This most recent quit has now lasted six months, much due to listening in and participating with this PalTalk support group.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 138

How much have you improved?

I guess I kinda go in waves. Which may be why recent assessments are also pointing to anxiety concurrent with bipolar. I get pumped up with energy and seem to handling the full rigors of work and private life but then it all piles too high or I find I've taken on more than I can manage and I crash.

I recently had a professional state that all the activities I've been doing to address my difficulities may be excessive and that I may get better results from being more selective and focusing on just a few programs. I immediately took that as a signal to drop just about everything for a while while I assessed what to keep and what to go. Tough call.

Maybe improvement for me is when I actually balance active times with down times and don't push active times to such a frenzy that down times are a plummet.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 138

Smoking

And presently I am quite disappointed with myself. I had made a committment in a counselling sesssion to limit my coffee to one a day and it has been anything but. Darn.

I hate feeling dependent. On one hand the immediate boost is pleasurable but the jittery nerves, nervousness, longer term sleeplessness are not worth it. Maybe Michael and I can challenge each other to find alternatives.

Another counsellor also used the expression. Holding your breath. I guess it could be used in this instance. If you've quit drinking coffee but can't wait for the contest to be over so you can finally have one, you haven't successfully quit, you've just been holding your breath or white knuckling as I've heard it also be called.

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved