Oh Lula, I am SO sorry to say that I know exactly what you're talking about! We certainly deserve better after such a long struggle, do we not?
But I guess facts are facts, and that's just the way it is. Your "battle" language resonates 100% with me; every quit I blew, I blew because I was too tired of fighting it, or in your language, "too much trouble to go on fighting."
That's why I'm trying to drop the battle language from my quit, because I know from brutal and harsh experience, this is one battle I can never win. Fortunately, we have a long and illustrious international/intercultural tradition of glorious and victorious "non-fighters," or at least fighters who chose to fight in non-traditional ways, going all the way back to "Turn the other cheek," and "If your enemy demands your cloak, give him your robe as well."
The old, "traditional" language of using weapons in our quit just doesn't work for me any more. I am not "armed" with an emergency plan, with gum, bottled water, pills, patches, or anything else. Used as weapons, those things all contributed to my downfall in the past by suggesting that they would fight -- and win -- on my behalf. God knows, I still have all of those things (well not the pills this time), but they are not weapons, they are friends who travel with me and help divert my attention from the addiction.
Sounds like linguistic hair-splitting, but for me, it's not. I can't win, so I have to come up with another approach. I have to learn to live with the addiction, because it's not going anywhere, and I'm sure as heck incapable, speaking ONLY for myself, of beating it into a pulp. Some (ha! MOST) bullies are just too big and too strong for me. I guess in my own wimpy way, I can't "stand up" to him, so I'll just run between his legs and try and stay out of his reach. All that running, if nothing else, is great cardio! But by whatever terms, or by whatever means, he will never wrap his big, ugly, powerful arms around me again. He just won't. Soon my run around him will turn into a dance around him, but I know it will never stop.
peteg