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I see trouble in the next week 4 me

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 363

It is Monday morning, I'm setting here at work, thinking of how I'm going to say goodbye to my boy this Thursday. I haven't stopped thinking about smoking all weekend. I am sweating constantly, the back of my hair and neck are soaked with sweat all the time. All I want is a smoke, I keep telling myself I quit, I can do it, so why not enjoy a few more years of smoking then quit again, since I know I can. I keep telling myself my oldest one is leaving the nest, whats the point now, go ahead and smoke. When will the cravings stop!! I am 72 days in and I crave every %^&$*&^% day! I am getting tired of fighting, tired of wanting. I just want to fill the empty feeling inside of me. I'm sick of gum, I'm tired of gaining weight, I'm tired. I proudly announced yesterday at a goodbye party for my son that I was 71 days into my quit to the majority of my family. They all congratulated me, and told me how great that was. But in the back of my mind, all I could think of was wanting a smoke. I felt like a liar when I told everyone that, even though I wasn't lying, I haven't had one puff in 72 days now, but inside my head, the junkie won't die. This week is going to be a test for me to say the least. Thursday will be the hardest day I will face by far since I've started this quit. I know the junkie will be on the rampage, it will sense my emotional state and try to capitalize on it, I will have to have my guard up. I just want the craving to stop, will it ever stop? Will there ever come a day when I won't think about it....ever? My Mileage Smoke-Free Days: 72 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,470 Amount Saved: $691.20 Life Gained: Days: 10 Hrs: 11 Mins: 33 Seconds: 5

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$41,038.73

Amount Saved
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Days: 1101 Hours: 1

Minutes: 13 Seconds: 10

Life Gained
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6013

Smoke Free Days
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180,390

Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 363

Thank you Dutch, those are very kind and wise words. My Mileage Smoke-Free Days: 68 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,288 Amount Saved: $652.80 Life Gained: Days: 9 Hrs: 22 Mins: 16 Seconds: 7

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$41,038.73

Amount Saved
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Days: 1101 Hours: 1

Minutes: 13 Seconds: 10

Life Gained
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6013

Smoke Free Days
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180,390

Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1127

Hi poker, I have something to say too. My boyfriend lives in the USA and I live in The Netherlands and we see eachother only once or twice a year. Every time he has to go back after a visit it's so hard to say goodbye. You and your son will have the same thing. You'll cry your eyes out when he leaves and then you are there on your own. That hurts, I know that. But.... do you think the hurt will be less when you smoke? I know the answer to that one: No, the pain will be the same only you have another problem then: You smoke again. That is not worth it, believe me. Smoking does not solve any problem. Never did and never will do. I wish you all the strenght you need and I hope your son will enjoy the time that he is away. Hugs for you ;) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]4/1/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 495 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 14,850 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �2,338.88 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 69 [B]Hrs:[/B] 19 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 363

Yes doodles, I thought it was very odd myself. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I think I'm going to be ok. My Mileage Smoke-Free Days: 68 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,276 Amount Saved: $652.80 Life Gained: Days: 9 Hrs: 21 Mins: 27 Seconds: 5

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$41,038.73

Amount Saved
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Days: 1101 Hours: 1

Minutes: 13 Seconds: 10

Life Gained
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6013

Smoke Free Days
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180,390

Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 695

pokerbrat how stange we both typed similar stories.. almost at the same time I'll be thinking of you & your boys with a little prayer. Maybe if I dwell and pray for you I want havve time to have my own pity party. you might want to have that talk before you get to the airport! doodles [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/29/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 10 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 200 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $30.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 38 [B]Seconds:[/B] 1

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 715

I don't have kids but I think Ms. Lady gave u some good suggestions :) It's kinda like the junkie is reminding you that it's still there just waiting for the perfect time to come back and get you. And the only thing it wants is for you to die. You quit because u wanted to be smoke-free and now that you're feeling better I'm sure you want to stay smoke-free. You are probably much stronger than you think and you are setting a good example, so stay out of the future b/c it's like gearing yourself up to make it worse than it may be. And in all actuality it does make it worse to worry yourself with it before it actually happens. But at the same time it's good that you can see what you will be facing and making plans on how to protect yourself. Just remember "feelings" are not who we are. They come and go through us constantly and are always changing. Who you are shows in your character & you are a non-smoker. As Ms. Lady would say,,,smoking is not an option & "it's NOT ALLOWED. LOL I love to hear her say that :) You'll be fine. Just breathe.........Ahhhhhhhhh [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/9/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 30 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 600 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $144.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 56 [B]Seconds:[/B] 20

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$29,766.00

Amount Saved
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Days: 658 Hours: 9

Minutes: 30 Seconds: 58

Life Gained
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4961

Smoke Free Days
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99,220

Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3207

Poker I think feeling your emotions without dampening them down with a cigarette is all part of the process of becoming healthier. Nothing wrong with feeling sad in anticipation of your son leaving. Of course you will miss him. What a great opportunity to show him how a real man acknowledges and expresses real feelings. That gives him permission to do the same. A few tears does not make him, or you, less of a man...quite the opposite. There are many of us here to lean on, or at least to "talk" with during this difficult time. Smoking will not change this situation for the better, in fact it will be reverting to old patterns, and I don't think you want that. -aloha [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/22/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 139 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 5,560 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $945.20 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 19 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 11 [B]Seconds:[/B] 30

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 363

Thank you Anna, and I will give him your thank you, it may be just what he needs to hear right now, I know he is scared. My Mileage Smoke-Free Days: 67 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,246 Amount Saved: $643.20 Life Gained: Days: 9 Hrs: 19 Mins: 12 Seconds: 52

Quit Meter

$41,038.73

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1101 Hours: 1

Minutes: 13 Seconds: 10

Life Gained
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6013

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

180,390

Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 363

Well said lamplighter, I'm not sure what I'm worried about, I have been there myself, I served in the Navy during the first Gulf War. Its not like the Taliban has a Navy. I guess you just never stop being a parent, I thought maybe it would all be over once they grew up and left, how foolish of me. I'm starting to feel a little better now, at least I can discuss it without getting all teary eyed now, I think I'm making progress!! Thanks everyone. My Mileage Smoke-Free Days: 67 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 3,246 Amount Saved: $643.20 Life Gained: Days: 9 Hrs: 19 Mins: 12 Seconds: 52

Quit Meter

$41,038.73

Amount Saved
Quit Meter

Days: 1101 Hours: 1

Minutes: 13 Seconds: 10

Life Gained
Quit Meter

6013

Smoke Free Days
Quit Meter

180,390

Cigarettes Not Smoked

18 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2417

Poker, what you didn't anticipate is having people from all over the world here to support and be with you during this time. I am proud of you and your son! Tell him thanks for me! You are doing great, keep going so you will be healthy when your son returns! :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/8/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 212 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 3,180 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $890.40 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 19 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 20 [B]Seconds:[/B] 23

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I see trouble in the next week 4 me