Hi guys,
Been tired and trying to take it more mellow this weekend this is why I was AWOL. I have trouble dealing with the loss of Oscar. I feel tired and sad and angry and unmotivated. The house is a mess and I can't seem to clean up. I have been pretty much binge eating and gaining weight.
I do have some moments of peace. I really try to enjoy every good thing or happy instant in my life. I spent time with my husband. He has been very nice.
This weekend he started in again with his excessive playing. Was feeling annoyed and hurt. I did talk to him though and he said he would be more careful. Since then he has taken me for a nice walk and has been careful of me and has been helping me with healthy food and such and I really appreciate his efforts.
I still carry Oscar's ashes with me around. I have trouble setting them down. But I do. I manage to set them down now. But then something sets me off and I feel sad and hurt and I miss him and I feel anxious and so then I pick the urn back up and I feel a bit better. I miss him so much.
I have been having trouble getting my homework done and working toward my goals. I am just happy to get through the day. Makes me feel lame though . I do hope I manage better soon.
On top of it I start school and work back up in well a week's time. I feel tired and sad and anxious. I feel completely unprepared for what is to come. I am starting a new program at a new school and I am exhausted! I feel exhausted all the time! I feel achy too. I feel achy in my body all the time. /sigh... I miss him.
I am having trouble sleeping. I can't fall asleep. I get so sad and I cry. Then once I manage to sleep I just can't wake up. I wake up and feel so down I go back to sleep. Not my best move.
But as I said I do have some better moments and I make sure to take advantage of all of them. So that is me for now. Thank you all for your support.
