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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 185

Hi Diva! I had too a lot bad dreams... and I think is normal. And also is a sort normal feeling guilty: guilty that we couldn't do more for our friends. But I'm sure that they know that we've done the best for them. Helping your friend to not suffer anymore is LOVE. Is a hard decision but is not your fault for him getting older and being sick... You gave him all you could. Unfortunatelly their biological life is shorter than ours.... Is nature not fault!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

I had a bad night last night. Had bad dreams and feel tired and yucky today. I worke up crying. I had a bad dreams right before waking. Most of it is fuzzy but some of it is quite vivid.

In my dream my cat was back. He was alive and I felt so happy. He was so beautiful! Then it gets fuzzy. Then he is dead. I am sitting on the floor holding him in my arms and he is dead. I am crying. And then I look at my husband (in my dream) and say: "don't look at me this way, it is not my fault"! And in my dream he replies: "WEll of course it is your fault!". Then I realized it was my faut and kept crying rocking my poor dead cat repeating over and over it is my fault....Then I woke up crying. Now I feel sad and guilty. Like I have failed him, like it is my fault he is gone. I hate that these feelings follow me from my dreams into my waking hours...It will pass! This too shall pass!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi guys,

Yesterday, it had been a month since my cat's passing. When I realized it was the 8th it hit me like a ton of bricks. I carried his urn around with me yesterday I must admit. I have been tired and sick in the past few days but yesterday was the toughest. Today, I am coming around and feeling much better. I got up too late but I still had a productive time up to now. Anyway, that is it for me for now.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Sheba,

Thank you for sharing your story. While it was very sad, you told it in a way that conveyed such deep meaning. The point of your story was one I would have liked to convey to Diva, but didn't have the right words. Your story was right on the mark. I know it helped Diva to read it and maybe others going through similar losses.

You were certainly missed when you were away, it's good that you're back!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Sheba,

Sorry to hear about your loss, and thank you for sharing

How are you doing?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Sheba,

Thank you so much for sharing about Jacky. I am so sorry for your loss. Your story did help me feel understood and less alone so thank you. Jacky sounds like a lovely dog. So does Puffy.

I understand what you mean. I have two other cats and it was hard for me to be affectionate to them at first, I felt so disconnected and kind of guilty. Now I make sure to give them much attention and love. And it helps.

I really miss Oscar, but I am working hard on feeling better. When I have sadness fits and crying fits, I try to let myself live what I have to live and grive. But I do my best to do what I need to feel better.

I got ready for school. Tomorrow I have my first class. I also ate well today.

Yesterday, I bought a nice gold locket. It has silver flowers and leaves on it. It is small and discrete. I put a picture of Oscar in it on one side and a bit of the fur I had kept from him in the other. That way I feel like he is close to me. I am glad to have the locket already. This way Oscar will be with me on my first day of school. I miss him so much. I find peace though in memorials and rituals. Atm I feel sad and miss him teribly but I know I will be ok. Today was a pretty good day. I am exhausted but glad I managed what I did manage.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 185

Nearly 7 years ago I lost Jacky... the first dog that lived till the end in my family.

The other dog I had when I woas a small children. We were just fostering him. He was a show german scheperd. So when he ended his showing years he returned to his owner. We werw fostering him just because his owner was really far away and for the dog was to stressful to travel several hours for every show. He realy liked showing. Even on the street if someone was looking at him he started showing all by himself :D

Then some years later we bought the home in the hills and a little dog just came from nowere. He was Jacky. He just decided to have us as his human companions.

It was a special bond. He was a real friend. Wher he was gone I spent more than a month going ariund my city crying. I even stopped going to classes...

but Jack was not alone I also had Puffy and their two puppies. At the time he left us ther were not not puppies anymore.

I remember a day when Puffy came to me, put her head in my lap and just looked into my eyes. And thaen I understood that I was unfair to them... I was so upsed for Jacky that I found difficult to care for them.

Them I took the leashes and took them to a walk and life just started again.

Now in june Puffy is gone too.... she was old and very sick. But I knew that the other two needed me. This not means that I was not crying and that I didn't feel like a part of me was gone. But they needed me.

It's not a happy story but the way a fury friend is there for you and makes you smile and all the great memories I have of all my dogs....

I can say that this love and frienship saved my life and keeps me alive.

I told you all this to remember you that your other feline friend need you especially now when Oscar left you.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Rose,

Thank you so much for the reply ad for the tips! I wil be sure to keep them in mind. I guess we all do the crying quietly thing here and there...

As for my husband we have had issues and have been at the brink of divorce a few times, but he really is a good sweet man and atm he is working very hard to help me and understand me. That goes a long way in helping tolerate the other stuff (i.e. gamer habits). I do love him a ot though and I know he loves me. The fact that I think he is very cute does not hurt either.

I had a rough patch yesterday night. I am feeling better today. I had a god healthy breakfast. So sure I got up at 2 pm but it still was 2 hours earlier then yesterday...

I did get some stuff done and intend to go back to do more, which is good for me atm. I did manage to get some major things settle. I have checked and I am officially enrolled in my classes. I have tackled the loans and bursary systems and am making good headway at fixing a problem that occured....So there went 2 hours of my day on the phone!

I also have started getting my work contract done and spoke to my boss.

I am slowly getting ready for Friday!

Up to now, I am doing well enough today. Still exhausted but feeling more optimistic.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 142

hello again,
you killed me with the "crying quietly". i do that, too. you feel like you don't want to bother or burn out those you live with. your husband sounds like a good guy. mine is too, and when i feel like really crying my eyes out - i do - and then i feel a little better.
He has learned when to approach and when to leave alone. screaming into a pillow helps to release the tension, too. and lately i have been punching the hell out of one of those big bags you hang from the ceiling. it's so exhausting, sometimes i don't have the energy to cry anymore. Feel better!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Right now I am struggling. I am having one of those moments where I miss him so much everything aches. I can't stop feeling dizzy and panicked and I am crying. I am choking on my grief. I miss him. I am trying to cry quietly to not bother my husband with this again. I am sorry to bother you guys with this. I tried writting in my blog but it did not help. I miss him and I am sad and I hurt.

Ok I am done venting. Thanks for letting me vent.

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