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16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

I feel angry. Not sure why. I just fel angry at everything. Everyting bugs me. I want to lash out. I feel like breaking stuff. I don't like feeling anry it scares me and makes me anxious. But I do. I feel so angry! I keep almost picking fights. I am so Angry! Argh! Not sure what to do about it. Just amd sad and tired and angry. Angry at the world, myself included.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

Thank you for your continuing support.

Breanne,

I have not seen session 15 on grief and loss as I am still on session 5 this week. I want to do it over this week as I have not done so well on the homework or anthing productive last week. Is there anyway, I can access session 15 without skipping all the other sessions? It sounds like it would be helpful.

Today, I am doing ok I guess. Things are still hard and I miss my cat. I find I have very little motivation for anything. I am tired and I ache in my body and soul. I binge eat to fill the void and want nothing to do with anything.

I am trying though and did do the dishes today. Almost picked a fight with the hubby, not sure why. I feel angry and like lashing out. Trying not to. Anyway, gonna go now as I am tired. Thank you again for everything.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

It sounds like you are making progress. Even if you don't feel like doing some of the activities you listed, at least you're trying. Hang in there, I know it's rough.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Diva,

Have you read through Session 15: Grief and Loss? You may find it beneficial. I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. Like you said, take it one moment at a time. We're here for you

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello guys,

Thank you so much for your support.

Thank you DJ, yes he wil always be with me. I do miss him though. Thank you for stopping in to give support. It means a lot.

And Mom of 3, you are right. The grief is tough to deal with but if I ever want to move on I have to accept it and deal with it. It is a process. I agree. Thank you for your support and thanks for making me feel better about posting here. It means so much how much support you have given me through al this. Thank you.

And Wildcat, as usual, you have an enlightning point of view. I do feel like there is stigma. I feel like if Oscar had been human people would be more understanding of me not "getting over it" as fast. But Oscar was a cat and some people don't get it. But he was my baby, my friend, my family and I miss him. And yes it is exhausting to pretend to feel better then you do so that people don't think you are being well a diva about all this.

Thank you also for reasuring me about posting here. It means a lot. Yes, voicing my pain is a release and helps me deal with things. Thank you again for your support it means a lot, it truely does.

I had an ok weekend I guess. I went shopping a bit on saturday and my husband and I spent time together. Waking up is always hard though. I feel like I lose him again every morning. And late at night is really bad. I miss him so much. I find going to bed an ordeal as I lie there missing him. Last night was bad. I hurt everywhere from my soul to my body. I have dreams of him and waking up is aweful. I carry his urn with me everywhere. I know it is unhealthy behavior and stupid but somehow it brings me comfort. Sometimes it feels like there is too much pressure on my chest and I cannot breathe. I am often shocked at how much grief can hurt all the way in my body not just my soul.I miss him. Sometimes it is like I can hear him. It is like for one sec I heard him miaowing. But of course I did not, it was just my imagination playing tricks on me and then I lose him all over again...

I am trying to take it one moment at a time though. I do try to do good things for myself. I will start walking again tonight. I also have gone back to eating properly today. I am really trying to do the things that will help me. I figure I need to take time to grieve but I also need to take care of myself in the process. So here I go, I wil go do a load of laundry. This is me rebuilding my life, one little thing at a time.

Thank you again for your support and your understanding guys.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 82

Diva

Im sorry to here about your cat .but I do belive theirs a new star in the heavans shining down on you ,Oscar will always be with you in your heart .

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

diva,

if you are exhausted from your grief we do under stand. Part of depression is a sort of extra sensitivity to stress -good and the bad-. and grief is a horribly stressful emotion, espicially when you are grieving a beloved animal.

ok gang lets face it there is just as much stigma attached to loving an animal as to mental illness. So when we lose the only living being who loves unconditionally, well it hurts. And to then go day to day and pretend there is nothing but sunshine and blue skies ahead ... it is exhausting!

So diva, I hope you believe us when we tell you and affirm that we are here for you! We do not consider your need to release your emotions as negative whining nor a plea for pity. We know that that your pain, emotional and some physical..., is real, and by voicing it you will realise that you are truely hurt. ou will see the need to heal. And only time will put the distance between you and your beloved. grief is a process. And we are all here to help you through it because it is a process that depression will make difficult for you.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

You're not being a downer or a whiner. Losing Oscar is a downer and now you must deal with it - why would you not feel like whinning? Feel free to be yourself here. Otherwise this becomes just another place where we have to hide.

You're emotions and grief concerning Oscar is real discounting it will only make it hurt more. You will need to work through the grief process in order to be able to continue healthy in life. So even though it is hard the grief process actually helps us and is there for a reason. Allow yourself to work through your grief, even if it does feel like whinning.

I'm here to listen, we're all here

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello guys,

Sorry if I am not on often or very helpful. I guess I got tired of coming on here and whining and being a downer Just dropping in to say hello and that I am still taking it a day at a time. Hope you are doing well. I do try to keep readin posts. Take care.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Wildcat,

Thank you for the reply

I think it is normal for old sadness to come out even years later when something triggers it. It just goes to show how much you loved your pet.

And yes, you are right, I do have two other beautiful cats who love me and need attention from me. Their names are Charlie (for Charlotte) and Thomas.

Thank you for checking in and sharing your experience with me. Thank you also for reminding me of what I do have left.

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