In a blind rage last night, I picked up one of my husband's cigarettes and lit it. I was the one to break my own rule: don't let any person, situation or circumstance come between you and your quit. Well, I did. [b]It had nothing to do with a crave.[/b] I didn't even want it. In my extreme emotional state, I felt like I had to make a point and unfortunately that's what I chose. It related to the argument though. Once again, my husband threw into my face how miserable he is now that I've quit smoking. No, he didn't make me pick up the cigarette. I did that all by myself. I smoked about a third of it and then he started begging me to put it out, to not be stupid. So I did and then I went to bed and we haven't spoken since.
My point in telling you this is not to confess. I haven't gone back to smoking and I won't. I don't even feel that guilty. It is simply to say once again, don't let any person, circumstance or situation come between you and your quit. It's not worth it.
Rusty
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 431
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,083
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1508.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 59 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 47 [B]Seconds:[/B] 15
Hi Lady, I know, I know and I'm sorry. I couldn't log on and I couldn't call you under the circumstances. You are right, I did lose my mind. It was one of those awful fights, he had been drinking and when he drinks everything in the past comes out and all the buttons get pushed. When I went to bed, I was so angry at him and angry at myself for allowing myself to get pushed so far. Please believe me that it had nothing to do with wanting to smoke. It was a way to get back at him, but in the process, I hurt myself. I know that. I'm sorry.
Rusty
Harley, I hope you're doing okay this evening. Everybody has given you great advice. One more thought. When we quit smoking or give up anything, we need to focus on what we gain, not on what we lost. What CAN you eat? As I was reading your post, I was thinking about the Sonoma Diet which has an emphasis on vegetables, fruits, healthy meats, and whole grains. It also focuses on making at least one meal a day a wonderful dining experience. You might also check out another site about eating ... just google on "World's Healthiest Foods."
The same is true of quitting smoking. When we list all of the benefits of quitting and we realize that we are making healthy good choices for ourselves, somehow we don't feel so deprived. We are ready sooner to kick the nicotine addiction into the gutter where it belongs.
Good luck, Harley!
Rusty :)
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 431
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,090
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1508.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 59 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 36
PBP, it IS tough as hell! It takes all the strength and grit and determination that you can muster up. It's like you have to go into battle with all the weapons you can carry to throw at this addiction.
Here's an idea that might help you. Since you don't have computer access at work, go through the posts and print out the ones that speak to you the best, the ones that are the most inspirational or that give you what you feel you need. Carry them with you to work. When you have a craving at work, read them. Get out some paper and write a post that you would write if you did have access. Imagine how someone in the group might respond to you.
Also, get a spiral bound notebook and start writing in it. Write a list of reasons for quitting. Write how you are feeling at any given moment. Write about what makes you cave. Write how you might delay or distract yourself or other coping mechanisms you might use. Write a list of rewards for yourself...for each day that you don't smoke. Write down everybody's pet slogans like N.O.P.E. (Not One Puff Ever), or Embrace the Quit, or One Day at a Time, or The Journey is the Reward.
It is hard, Pinball, but it CAN be done. There are hundreds of us who can testify to that. You can do it too!
Rusty :)
one more thing....get rid of any cigarettes that you have around. Do that first!
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 431
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,090
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1508.5
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 59 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 33 [B]Seconds:[/B] 58
Matt, I take that to mean that you'll be smokefree and rolling along this weekend. Good for you and good luck! Make sure you check in here if you have any rough spots.
Rusty :)
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 432
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,108
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1512
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 59 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 37 [B]Seconds:[/B] 36
Welcome, L G. This is the greatest place to lift you up when you're feeling down. So please stay close and post whenever you feel the need. You are certainly not alone.
Rusty :)
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 432
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,108
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1512
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 59 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 40 [B]Seconds:[/B] 46
Laurie, I responded on your other thread, but I do want to say yes, I know exactly what you mean. My quit was more emotional than physical, and I was totally unprepared for that. I guess most people suffer more from the physical aspects of quitting since there doesn't seem to be too much info on dealing with anger, mood swings, etc, especially once you leave the "early" phases. I had counseling, and did a lot of self-work, and stayed close here. It's been a wild ride but I do finally feel like a non-smoker. And I also feel quite certain that I cannot go through this again, that I don't have another quit in me, and that's part of what keeps me smokefree.
It doesn't matter how well you write -- we all understand what you mean. And that's what makes this site so great!
Rusty :)
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 432
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,109
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1512
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 59 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 43 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17
Gaby, I think you should just mention to the office people that this is happening and that you are concerned for the kid's health as well as the school getting in trouble for breaking the law. I don't think that makes you one of those finger-pointers.
Rusty :)
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/13/2004
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 432
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 12,109
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1512
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 59 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 48 [B]Seconds:[/B] 17
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