I realize this is an old post but it's something I can relate to so well.  My circumstances of being abandoned from my friends had nothing to do with my anxiety as that just came back 3 months ago after being kept under fairly good control for 20 years.  It was an injury of herniating a disc almost a year ago, reherniating 3 months later, then needing surgery where I just didn't respond well to it that led to people distancing themselves from me.  I have a feeling I do have some nerve damage but have not been able to get to a doctor for the test to find out for sure.  It was during this process of being in too much pain to get out or drive my car when my friends started disappearing, not calling, making promises to come see me yet no phone call to even check on me or drop by.  One of them is actually the executor of my will.  Looks like since my son has finally started getting his life together, I will need to make a trip to my atty. to revise my will and make him executor.  I've went on multiple trips with these friends through my timeshares and now that I'm not physically able to do any trips they are nowhere to be found.  I've went through all of the emotions with this and now that my anxiety has returned, I have found that I just need to let all the thoughts/emotions go as the hurt for what they've done to me just makes the anxiety worse.  These sadly were people I met at my old church and only one of them still stays in touch.  Guess she is the true example of a true christian.

 

I had a bout of anger today all because of something my roommate said to me because my ex-husband sent me flowers when I have no desire, nor ever will, to get back with him.  We've been divorced for almost 24 years now and have a 24 year old son so I try to stay in touch about our son and we have both given support to each other through tough times but that's where I draw the line.  He, on the other hand, has never given up hope after all the years of still trying to weasel in my life.  My roommate told me of course he's going to send me flowers so long as I keep talking to him.  I then just exploded with all of the anger of being abandoned by my church friends to her saying at least I had someone to talk to since nobody seems to care enough to be in my life anymore.  I never meant to yell at her, remorsely told her I was sorry and hugged her.  Told her I wasn't mad at her but at all those who walked out of my life.  I'm not a loner and never have been so I love being around people.  I don't do well with isolation as my roommate has chosen with her disability.  She is at least able to get out more than I can but chooses not to.  I do realize that I can no longer let what has happened to me take control of my life and even if I can get to the point of going to support groups, at last have some there (who can understand) to interract with.  I'm struggling trying to work full time with the pain and anxiety but doctor's said that I'm capable of working full time.  Still I do have some of my co-workers I've been closest to for having someone to go to every now and then.  I'm choosing to look at this year as being a new year, walking away from the closed doors of those in my past so that I don't miss the new doors that God will open for me with new friendships.  Even so, I still love these forums where I, as well as others, can come for understanding and support.  We all know the struggles of our anxiety and there is no fear of condemnation or judgment here.

 

 

With my circumstances, I had my 1st unexpected and scary bout of anger.  I feel so bad now because it was something my roommate said to me and I ended up yelling at her when it's not even her I'm mad at but to all my friends (but one) tha walked out of my life last year after a disc herniation, reherniation, then surgery which left me in chronic pain where I was no longer physically capable of providing trips for these friends through my timeshares.  One of them I thought was my closest friend and now she's gone.  She didn't even have the decency to call and check on me last month after 2 trips to the ER (1st one overnight stay in hospital for possible heart attack which was thankfully ruled out).  I posted this stuff on Facebook yet she chose not to respond or even call me, yet people on my Facebook that I've never even met (they were friends of my friends and got added on) would post thoughts and prayers.  I've went through alot of hurt over this which has made my anxiety worse.  I was shocked of this somewhat outburst of anger this evening since I'm not like that at all.  I remorsely apologized to my roommate, told her I wasn't mad at her but those that have hurt me and gave her a hug.  She said she understands as she is disabled and went through what I'm going through now.  As my roommate suggested to me last weekend, it may be a good idea for me to start journaling.  Did it years ago to get over some abuse as a child and abuse from my ex-husband and it helped so gonna give it another try.  Something else to add along with my counseling.

 

Donna

 

 

Hi hugs4u,

 

It sounds like you and I have a similar thing going on with allowing the thoughts to come up in our minds of those that have done us wrong.  I'll be busy getting ready for work, or just doing stuff around the house when I will start thinking of something that was done wrong to me.  It doesn't even start that way with the thought.  I could be thinking of something that somehow rolls into thinking about the person that has done me wrong.  I guess the hardest part I had to deal with this last year was being done wrong by those I met at my old church, one whom I thought was my closest friend.  I listen to alot of Joyce Meyers and have her book "Battlefield of the Mind".....don't know how you feel about her, but she has had some good teachings on our thoughts and how they can play a negative role in our lives.  Recently when these thoughts would come to my mind, I had to start quoting 2 Corin. 10:5 a coupla times to make the thoughts go away.  I know I can't change what has been done to me and I may never know why she walked away from me and another one of our close knit of friends, but I do know that I need to focus on me and getting better rather than allowing someone actions (or should I say lack of in this situation) continue to cause hurt and anger.  I am choosing to walk away from the closed doors so I won't miss the ones that will be opened for me.

 

 

 

I was wondering if anyone has ever tried Celexa.  I finally had my appt. with the psychiatrist 1st time today aftering having my exam last week.  He ended up going with the same thing as my primary care physician prescribed for me which is actully the generic of Celexa, Citalopram.  It's the lowest dozage possible, 10 mg. which is all I can handle.  My body is super sensitive to large dosages of any drug so this is what I am being started out at and was told I can still take my Klonopin of 0.5 at either half dosages or even quarter them to keep the anxiety at bay until this medicine kicks in.  He said for me to take it during dinner which is what I did and he said I just may find that it would relax me enough to sleep better.  I'm sure he meant this once the timeframe takes for it to kick in.  I can't imagine it having that type of affect immediately.

 

Considering since I returned back to work beginning of this year with one warning from my manager last month of excessive tardiness, taking unapproved days off without PTO, then my final warning from both main manager and secondary manager yesterday, I am hoping and praying this will work.  I have had to keep borrowing PTO from the next month since I returned due to time off work either because of anxiety, physical pain, or both and per company policy, we cannot just take the time off without pay if we don't have the PTO and I was warned I cannot continue borrowing PTO as that is raising red flags.  I won't even go into how over a year ago, they kept trying to find ways to fire me and was put through monthly interrogation sessions in an effort to make me quit.  They knew if I quit I could not apply for unemloyment.  I must be a glutton for punishment to stay with this company but considering I need a roof over my head and food in my mouth, I need the job.  If I can at least get enough sleep and be able to to get my pain level down (had failed back surgery last year and suffer chronic pain) to at least make it through tomorrow, hoping at least through the weekend it may start to kick in even a fraction.  My job is on the line now and they are not cutting me anymore breaks (or as I was told cannot keep giving me special treatment....no comment on that) this medicine is gonna have to do it or I will be kissing my job goodbye.

 

Just wondering if anyone has tried Celexa with any good results.

 

Donna

 

 

Hi Vincenza,

 

Thanks for the words of encouragement.  Actually I've been so used to doing the weight watcher's diet I started 5 years ago, I just continued it on as a maintenance plan which is what you're supposed to do.  Even after I herniated my disc almost a year ago, I tried my best to stick with continuing on with the weight watchers since I was no longer able to go to the gym or hiking.  I was in alot of excruciating pain back then so sometimes I was in too much pain to where I would just grab something quick or pain so bad just not hungry.  For the most part I eat pretty healthy and will treat myself over the weekend.  I drink lots of water and juice.  I had to give up coffee completely (even decaf since it is still not 100% decaf) since my anxiety came back.  I literally cannot eat/drink anything that is a stimulant or else my heart will race which triggers anxiety.  But hey, I can't be going wrong with drinking lots of water & OJ :)

 

Donna

 

 

 

Hey Bren,

 

Thanks for the encouragement.  So I see I am not the only one with super sensitivities with medications.  Was beginning to think I'm the only one.  At first I was feeling a bit drowsy on the dosage with my dinner but considering I've only gotten 4-5 hrs. sleep all this week, hard to tell if it was from the Celexa, lack of sleep or both.  I had read on some blog online where someone said it can make you feel drowsy at first, then will start feeling awake hours later.  Right now even though I am yawning, I don't feel drowsy at all so I may have to at least take half of my Klonopin just to get to sleep.  I will first try putting on my relaxation music on, spray down the bed with lavender oil mist and if I still find trouble, will take the Klonopin.  Doesn't matter how little or much sleep I get tonight.  Have to be at work tomorrow or kiss it goodbye.  I was told for every time I am off (when I have no PTO time), I must have a doctor's excuse for why I was out.  Yeah, I can see me going to my doctor paying the co-pay just so I can ask him to write me an excuse for work for insomnia.....LOL.  I had to get my psychiatrist to write me an excuse just so I can see him again in 2 weeks for a follow up.  He wrote it up to say that I will need time off work for visits and therapy there.  Not sure how this will fly when I give it to my manager tomorrow, but that is what they said I need and they know I need to be treated by not only a counselor but a psychiatrist as well and if he requires to see me every so often, that is what will be needed.

 

I just started doing the journaling the other day, but today was a very rough and emotional day where I went for one of my 3 30 minutes breaks to lay in the back seat of my car (to ease pain and anxiety) speaking to someone at work with our EAP crying my eyes out while talking to her.  By the time I was through I thought the good cry would help but it made me feel worse and my entire arms and chest had a rash.  I'm thinking that's a result from the stress which releases too much cortisol in the system.  Looks liked I will have to go back to using my Aveeno lotion and powder for the tub.

 

I'm glad that the Celexa has worked for you.  As I have read and heard, it's trial and error when it comes to these meds.  First med tried was Paxil and that gave me a psychotic reaction and diarrhea (my son said it gave him diarrhea and made him feel weird so he changed to Prozac).  So far not feeling anything psychotic and it is such a low dose, just wanting to be able to sleep.  Too bad I had to give up my coffee 'cause I could sure use it tomorrow :)  I'm thinking along the same lines with you in reference to gaining any weight.  Warm weather is just around the corner and I love being outdoors and walking.  I'm hoping the anxiety level will be down enough by then to where I can start out with just very slow walking, not going very far, until I have built my confidence up that I won't have a panic attack while walking way out in the parking lot at work.  Guess I will just have to carry my cell phone with me just in case.....my little safety net :)  I totally understand about being in that bad of a shape.  When I asked the psychiatrist about natural things that help increase the chemicals that I am low on, he said that is for mild cases, which is not my case and I couldn't agree more.  Even 20 years ago when I was first diagnosed with anxiety disorder it never got to the level that it is now and I was a single parent with a young child to care for.  Went for counseling, along with taking Imipramine (an older drug from back then) which helped and eventually was able to wean myself off of that and got them under control with an occasional attack every now and then.  Would typically happen during stressful times.  This time my anxiety is back with full vengeance so, just like you, I have no choice but to get on something long term.  So glad my therapy session is coming up soon :)  I'm also working on the CBT as well.  Trying every single source I can.

 

Donna

 

 

Hi Deborah,

 

It's been awhile since I've been on here to read the forums as I've just been busy with being back to work, therapy, and my journaling.

 

First off I hate that you are feeling bad; however, a GREAT BIG CONGRATS to you for going to the Urgent Care to see a doctor.  That is a big step for you and I'm so proud of you!  It wasn't for good circumstances but still a step.  I wanted to let you know that I had developed bronchitis about 3 years ago.  What started out as seeming like some kind of flu or something developed into bronchitis, which is odd for me.  Being the health nut I am with weight wacher's, gym 3 nights a week, hiking, yard work, multivitamin, Vit. C, Echinacea to battle off sickness, seems like I would be the last person to end up with bronchitis.  Anyway. I was given an antibiotic and an inhaler as well, but no steroids.  Seems like doctors are prescribing more steroids these days.  I got a steroid shot last year when I went in with what I thought was the flu, was the first time I ever got one.  My doctor still gave me a prescription for an antibiotic in case the shot didn't clear things up.  It did for about a week, but came back so I was glad I got the prescription filled and had to end up taking the antibiotic, which helped.  I didn't particularly care how I felt from doing the inhaler but I wasn't going through any anxiety back then as mine just surfaced back after a 20 year break (with occasional bouts here and there).  I can say that I had wheezing too, which can be normal.  Bronchitis is an infection of the lungs so it is hard to breath with all that infection in there.  Once the antibiotic starts kicking in, you should feel a bit better but bronchitis does take a bit longer to get over than the usual cold or flu.  Try and avoid anything that may irritate it like inhaling any kinds of smoke, even if second hand smoke, gas fireplace if you have one, kerosene heaters.  About 3-4 weeks afterwards, I had a student conference I had to be at as a volunteer and made the mistake of not going back downstairs to the front desk after discovering that the room I had reserved (which I requested non smoking) had been smoked in and I cannot be around cigarette smoke at all since it makes me sick.  I thought I would be OK since I just needed the room for 2 nights and would be at the conference all day from sunup to late at night.....WRONG!  First night I got hardly 4 nights of sleep and could hardly sleep from the smell and it was hard to breath.  Needless to say this kept my bronchitis from healing all the way and it came back even worse and had to go back to the doctor for more antibiotics.  I had read online that a cold vaporizer is very helpful for bronchitis.  I went ahead and got one and it really did help me breath better at night.  I have since then, at the advice of my massage therapist, bought some eucalyptus essential oil and add just a few drops to the water which helps also.  You may want to try getting one of those to put in your bedroom.  Just make sure to get one that holds enough water so you don't have to be filling it up every single day.  Mine can generally last for about 3 days before I have to fill it again.

 

Hoping and praying that you get to feeling better and get this yucky stuff out, but the antibiotic should do the trick and it will take awhile to get better from this.  Take care and I hope you will get better to get the much needed rest you body needs.

 

Donna V.

 

 

Hi Debora,

 

I am so, so sorry you are having to go through all of this.  I know that nasty eye injury had to be pretty painful.  Maybe try putting some ice on it.  It will hurt for a few days but should get better.  I was reading what Carmie said about attending that lecture on anxiety and her conversation with the man who has anxiety.  I had heard of the L-Theanine as well and even went to the health food store to get some, but later read more on Tryptophan and thought that may be more of what I needed so I brought the L-Theanine back for a refund and got the Tryptophan.  My psychiatrist seems to think that taking stuff like this is more for those with milder cases and he said on my 1st visit that mine was not a milder case.  I have too many factors contributing towards my anxiety.  He did say that these amino acids are things that they do refer in their office so it's not like he was just wanting to keep me pumped up with prescriptions forever.  What happens in the brain with the neurotransmitters that causes anxiety is low serotonin levels.  I vaguely remember taking a psychology class years ago and remember about this stuff, along with what the doctor who 1st diagnosed me with anxiety disorder years ago talking about an imbalance in my brain chemistry.  These amino acids can help raise the levels of tryptophan which is a pre-curser to serotonin.  There are also certain foods that are good to eat that are high in tryptophan.  Turkey is the main one that comes to mind.  I know that we cannot advetise for other websites here, but I found one that has alot of useful information on neurotransmitters.  There are others as well.  Just do a google search for "increase serotonin levels" or just "serotonin levels" and you should be able to find a site that can give you some insight in how the neurotransmitters work, how being out of balance can cause problems and solutions to get them back into balance again.

 

I hope and pray all goes well with your visit with the nurse.  I'm believing in you that you will do just fine :)

 

Donna