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Is it a Nervous Breakdown

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Carmie thank you so much for praying to St. Blaise for me. You know I took a nap because of all the worrying and crying and my monthly i was so exhausted and I woke and my voice was actually a little bit stronger a little bit clearer! Not a lot but stronger! Oh how I hope it is a miracle! and I do not have to have that procedure done I am so hoping it will improve more I prayed so hard! You have been such a wonderful friend too me I cannot even tell you how much you have helped me, God bless you and you're family, I hope as the days continue my voice will improve and the soreness gone, I am going to take a hot bath now, I need one badly, to relax my muscles. I will write you back later today, its just a little after midnight here, hoping with more positive news! I want the suffering to end too Carmie. Thank you, Deb.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi -

I will continue to pray to him and for you and for peace in your heart. I know it will come to you. When I reflect upon the thoughts that you share, it seems like a lot of your anxiety is in anticipating these procedures. If at all possible, maybe you can focus on the possibility that you will get well soon, that the nurse visit will go well, things like that. Then, if they don't, you can think about your next steps. What do you think? It makes perfect sense why you think the way you do. I hate to think that you are suffering so.

Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Carmie for that information I will look up the number. And thank you so much for praying too St. Blaise for me I so appreciate it. This throat pain and almost complete loss of voice is scaring me so, and its not getting better is seems at all.

I googled to try and find a ENT doctor, not any scary cancer sites but I think it backfired, one site showed the "procedure" they may have too do, I would not mind the mirror and camera in my throat they just spray your throat with a local antiseptic and it did not sound so bad, BUT then they went on too describe the other two ways they do it if they cannot find or get a good look, I hardly slept at all last night after reading it Carmie, one said a tube in the nose then going in too your throat, and then the worst one is too be put out under general anthesia for a biopsy!? and the complications were severe, bleeding through your nose, throat, breathing problems while being put out etc.......I just cried and shook for hours after reading that, I know there is no way I could ever even walk in the office much less do that, and I would not even be able to take my klonopin to help with the anxiety because it may interact with what they give me, it so terrifies me, I am still praying that lump and pain and hoarseness go away, but its been almost three months, my voice is almost gone and that pain in my ear and throat terrify me, and the only procedure sounds so dangerous and risky, I would probably have a heart attack I fear.

My Mother died almost ten years ago due to "complications due to surgery" they put my beautiful wonderful mother under and she never woke up and died at 55 years old just a few years older than I am right now, and she was so much more in shape and healthier than me, I dont want to die under general antheisia like my Mother, I dont want history to repeat itself.

I know I cannot continue to do nothing about this health problem, I know that is irresponsible and cowardly but I know in my heart I will bolt from that doctors office and make a fool of myself, I am afraid its cancer but I do not want to bleed too death from my throat or nose in case the doctor is incompatant like my Mothers doctor was, I cannot stop thinking about her and how horrible it was for my family to lose her so suddenly, I dont want my son to have to go through me dying young.

Nothing is helping this fear. I just want it too go away but its not, just like the depression and panic, it just does not "go away" all year I feared something being very wrong with me and now I feel my worst fears have come true, if I cannot get the courage to go to the doctors about this I will never know whats wrong. I am still praying for a miracle. I dont know how much longer I can suffer I just so want my health and life back, and its been so long! The only thing keeping me going is my son.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Debora,

I just noticed under symptoms: Crying and Sleepiness!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora:

I was thinking that our State has a new hotline for people to get support with quitting smoking. Amongst other things, withdrawal can cause anxiety symptoms so perhaps Florida has something in place where you can get some support. Most states were recently awarded money from a settlement with the tobacco companies that they are using for resources. It would be nice to have someone that maybe you could talk with about this? I quickly googled and saw that Florida has a website tobaccofreeflorida.com and there is a 1-800 number and a website program. What do you think?

I know who St Blaise is. We have a blessing of the throats at our church on his feast day. I will definitely say a prayer for him for you!

Peace on this Sunday to you!

Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie and Vincenzia and Everyone,

Thank you for writing me its been a very very bad week and its hard to find positives but I am trying too do just that.

Thank you for the info about my throat Carmie, the nicotine withdrawal has been brutal, I almost picked one up last night it was so bad but fought it off, I enjoyed reading about your good work-out at the gym and cuddling up with your husband watching TV that was such a nice warm thought, you have been so good too me it warms my heart that you sounded so happy and peaceful. That was so nice to read, I kind of imagined you all comfy and warm with your feet up eating ice cream, very nice!

I am trying to find things about me that are still strong Vincenzia, I know when I was younger it was easier, at one time I was strong and Vincenzia if I could just get half of that back I would be happy, if the fear would just decrease if not entirely go away, I think I could build on that, hoping the CBT will help that, since I cannot take SSRI's I must commit to it entirely.

I know what is keeping me down right now, my throat problems, the lump and soreness kind of eased up and now its back, the hoarseness never went away through, I am going too NOT talk at all for the next 3-4 days and see if that helps, complete voice succession, I am coughing a lot and clearing my throat {I read that is very typical when you quit smoking the lungs expel and you cough more} but its really irrating my throat and making it so raw and red, and I have no voice, I know if this would go away I would feel so much better, its even hard to do the CBT with these scary symptoms, if this persists, if if one more week I am not better I am going to have to go back to the doctor, I just hope he does NOT want to put a camera down my throat, I so pray its not throat cancer and something not so bad, the longer it goes on through the more scared I get. I am doing the honey and lemon cough drops and they help and warm tea, everything I have read through says if you are hoarse my than 2-3 weeks its NOT good, I have been hoarse in my life but without this pain, I try so hard not to dwell on it.

My friend called and said she is praying to ST BLAISE {pronounced BLAZE] he is the patron of throat disorders and thats what I am doing if anyone wants to join me, after my nurse appt I probably will have to go to the doctor I think through unless a miracle happens, I think I am afraid of what they are going too say it is, but not knowing is just as worse I think.

Did any member ever lose thier voice while they were sick and it took weeks to get back? and it seemed sore even after antibotics, the doctor did say the antibotics would not help if it were not bacterial, I just want it to go away so I can concentrate on getting well from my anxiety and depression, cancer fears dont help that. Thank you all for being here.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi Deb,

I'm glad to read you are searching for the positives even while having to deal with physical ailments and health concerns. Also, I am very excited to listen(read) about you feeling the strong woman that is inside you - that you know you have it in you to get through this!

Can you tell us more about that part of you you know is strong? What would she do in this situation you find yourself in?

What are some activities you can do to keep your mind off your nagging thoughts of illness? Have you tried activities on Carmie's list? She shared some really good ones!! I like the first suggestion of walking in the rain - it activates your senses and often feels very rejuvenating.

Wishing you a lovely day Deb!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora:

I had a bit of a late night (at the gym, tough - and then having ice cream and watching tv with my husband). I am just writing a little note before I go to bed.

Hoping you will hang onto the positives. Your body has been through so much in the last month. You must be absolutely exhausted. I believe that anxiety alone is completely tiring. Add to that an infection, quitting smoking, and having a really difficult period, and it's no wonder you don't feel well.

Keep questioning your anxious thoughts and try to think of the evidence you mention. I looked up and found this under symptoms caused by quitting smoking (I didn't want you to google symptoms but I checked for you - did I mention that I have friends check for me?) Here is what I read:

Hoarseness - This is also due to the fact that smokers are not "smoking" the soft tissues in the throat and the new non-smoker is getting some tender "baby" tissue almost like when a baby is teething. Basically, the tissue in the throat is regenerating. This may last several months. Use lozenges or whatever you would do for a sore throat. Hot tea with lemon and honey can help

Hopefully this might help. Best wishes for a return to good health and happiness!

Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie and everyone,

I was hoping too write a more positive post today. I am having a very bad time with my monthly it was almost a month late so I anticipated it being more heavy and painful I am just trying too get through it, hopefully it will taper soon my third day now.

I was just listening to my relaxation tape and its not helping today. The "lump in the side of the throat and ear pain" have returned and its really scaring me, it kind of went away for about a week, now it hurts again? When I swallow the pain radiates too my ear again and it hurts other times too, plus the hoarseness is worse than ever, all on top of a bad period.

I wish I never read about hoarseness lasting more than three weeks and pain radiating too the ear was throat or laranx cancer, no matter what I do I can not get my voice back, I sound like "minnie mouse" I squeak and when I do talk you can barely understand me, its scaring me so bad, I know a "lump" in the throat can be anxiety, one of the common symptoms but should it travel too the ear? And the no voice is scaring me too, my nurse said "all this came about when you got sick" but that should be over with, I took the antibotics, there IS something in my throat and I think its cancer, and its causing panic, I am never my best on my monthly and this just adds too it, now my ear hurts even when I dont swallow, like a dull achy throb, just like that guy who had throat cancer, I was so happy it went away and now its back and its so scary and frightning to me.

I want to wait a few days till my monthly is over before I go back to the Doctor, I do NOT want to be poked or prodded and mirrors and cameras down my throat while I am bleeding bad and cramping, right now I cannot even leave the house! I have been hoarse on and off for years but never pain in the ear and throat, how I pray is something non-cancerous, I am barely hanging on right now for dear life with this panic and depression, and a cancer diagonis would probably finish me off.

The two "positives" I am trying too hang on too right now is, that this hoareness and pain DID start three week ago when I had bronchtis and the constant clearing of my throat and coughing might have caused some damage that will heal in time, AND if it were cancer would it go away for over a week then come back? probably not, I hope I am not in denial or kidding myself but my nurse pointed that out and it is true, has anyone ever lost thier voice for weeks and it comes back? and did it cause ear pain? I am so hoping and praying it goes away again, the constant stress about this is really delaying my recovery.

Well I guess it can wait a few more days till my monthly stops, its waited this long, its only been three weeks and it came on very very suddenly when I got sick, so maybe just maybe, its related, that is what I am trying too think, a cancer diagonis would break me I know, I would not have the strength, just when things got a little better its back, I can live with the hoarseness, scares me but not that bad, its the pain in the throat/ear that terrifies me, if you google laranx cancer I have ALL the symptoms, and yes I know I should not have done that, I did it two weeks ago, not since, since its so bad too google, but the damage has been done, I read it and I cannot get it out of my head, and the symptoms coming back again are terrifying.

I just hope I can take the pain a few more days till my monthly is over, I cannot leave the house right now because I am so weak and dizzy from blood loss, once its over if these symptoms are still there I will have to go, I hope I can have the courage. I have an appt next thursday with my nurse, we had a short phone session last night, but I have too go too get my medicine. I am hiding out in the bedroom, my husband tapes that show "Greys Anatomy" and it terrifies me all about blood, surgery, hospitals and dying, I know he likes the show but even "hearing" it upsets me, maybe because I fear that is my future, its not a good show to watch for people like us I guess. I am still praying, please pray for me that I get my voice back and the ear and throat pain go away and its NOT cancer, I cannot get that thought of of my mind because of the symptoms!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora,

The ice cream and feet up was wonderful!

You know I have read articles about perimenopause being just the worst for many women. I have read that it can cause anxiety and very painful and tiring periods. Perhaps your nurse or doctor can give you some suggestions. I wonder if the approach to treatment might be different? This could be a reason why your nurse would like you to see a female therapist because perhaps they might be someone you would be more comfortable talking to about these symptoms?

It really made me smile to read about your server days. I'll bet you brought joy to a lot of people by being so good at what you did. I think it's important to find things that you love and to try to do them every day. During the luncheon this week, we received a handout of self-nurturing activities. There is a huge list but here are a few ideas that I am thinking about doing:

Walk in the rain (it's raining here today)

Buy yourself a rose

Call a good friend

Eat by candlelight

Buy a stuffed animal and hold it

Make a list of things that make you feel good

Tell someone you love him or her

Look out a window

Swing

Have a picnic

You can't imagine how long the list is - those are a few I hope to do in the next few weeks. I wish I could post the whole list!

Take care,

Carmie

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Is it a Nervous Breakdown