HI Sonia,
Yes, but sometimes I’ve expressed myself too. I tend not to express myself well, or be accomodating, at my expense.
I was working on a home project, and just realized how I was manipulated a couple of years ago. So many hours have transpired, with great guilt, i must admit, discussing this with my mentor.
Answering "why" never helps change me
I can’t explain why I process so slowly, but I do. Once I remember being spontaneous, in a training programme. Someone commented on my being different, but it’s more the exception. I even have to compose my posts sometimes. It’s tough to be inside this skin, with so little to offer the world, but that’s the way I am.
If there were a device or pill that could make me more spontaneous, I buy eitwould her, but it’s just the way I am. I feel like Forrest Gump, but without his wisdom. Or like the 3 characters in the Wizard of Oz.
Less GAD, but Same Slowness
It’s no wonder I have GAD, I’m so vulnerable in the world. I can’t assert myself, so I’m a mark when trying to get services, if there’s a timeline. And who would wish to be in a relationship with someone who can’t respond in time?
I remember once at the gym membership office, the fitness co-ordinator was listening to a question posed to me, and she exclaimed “...can he talk?...”. That was hurtful and inappropriate, since my fees, for the lifetime I’ve gone to that gym, paid her salary and benefits.
I think it IS a dangerous world out there, for those who don’t have the tools to assert themselves. I wish I could “rent” the tools of “spontaneity”, but they’re not for rent. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve taken “assertiveness” training, or similar skill-building workshops, or courses, but at some point, decisions have to be made. Maybe that word “agent” interested me since I need to just get an advocate to help sometimes?
I'm keenly aware of my need to be accountable.
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