Great words of encouragement there Sunny!  I agree Debora.....you will do great!  I had put off seeing my OB-GYN since last year because of my chronic pain from the surgery plus having anxiety.  I was amazed at how well I did, but everybody kept telling me I needed to go to get my hormone levels checked.

 

Thanks Sunny.  They don't seem to work too well during a full blown panic attack but I was spared of having one of those and the breathing seemed to work fine this time.

 

Donna

 

 

Hi Debora,

 

OK after I just spent forever typing up one of my usual long winded replies I'm notorious for doing only to be kicked out, I will just try this time for a simple reply :)

 

I don't mind you asking at all.  My doctor wrote out the presc. for Klonopin a month ago for 0.5 mg. taking 1/2 a tablet twice a day as needed.  He also wrote out a presc. for Metoprolol ER Succinte which is a beta blocker to help with blood pressure and lower heart rate.  Bottle says to help with anxiety which is a big joke cause it doesn't.  Even pharmacist says it doesn't.  It amazes me how doctors will make up as they go along what the meds. they prescribe will treat.....just add to the list, it will cure all.....LOL.   I always, always check with the pharmacist as they know more about the drugs than the doctors.  I was having to constantly call the pharmacist to ask about how far to space apart my meds. since I'm also on Hydrocodone for the chronic pain from my back surgery of last year.  It's been a challenge trying to space this stuff apart plus having my work schedule.  The metoprolol really hasn't done much and after a bad day yesterday of it not even bringing down my HR or help with the anxiety, I had to suffer at work with only taking a Tylenol for pain (which did nothing) so I could wait for the time to take my Klonopin.  Can't take that with the Hydrocodone and I needed my anxiety to come down more.  With fast HR and high BP, I did not want a 3rd episode of having the paramedics come out to work, especially with our site mgr. from CA in this week.  That woman had it out for me year before last and she kept trying to find ways to get rid of me so last thing I need is for her to see another one of my panic attack episodes.  I know you said I am brave to be working but "brave" is an undersatement.  The fact that I still have a job and even want to try to be there considering what all I've been through....must be a glutton for punishment.  Actually just trying to hold onto a job in a world with severe economic instability and double digit unemployment rates.

 

I'm going to my doctor tomorrow as followup and plan on telling him the Metoprolol doesn't work and since he is already going to write out another presc. for the Klonopin, will ask him if he can up the dose from 1/2 to full tablet.  At least with off the Metoprolol, I can feel safe to start taking the Paxil he prescribed the week before.  I refused to take it when the pharmacist consulted with me when I went to pick it up and said it could possibly interract with the Metoprolol I was taking with heart palpitations.  I just thought great, just what I need with already suffering from daily anxiety so I wouldn't take them.  Called the doctor about that and nurse said that doctor said he didn't know why pharmacist told me that but to go ahead and take it....duh.  Even on the website drugs.com it shows a moderate interraction between the 2 drugs.  This is why I prefer to ask the pharmacists as well as the doctor.....they know more about the drugs.  Don't get me wrong, we should ask the doctor about our meds. but when they start prescribing all kinds of things where some could interract or a drug that doesn't even originally treat what they diagnose you with, it's time to check with the pharmacist.  At one time I felt I could trust my primary doctor, been going to him for awhile, but now I'm beginning to wonder if sometime in the future I may need to be looking elsewhere.  Obviously not now since he is only one prescribing what is needed for my anxiety.

 

OK, still made this one wordy but answers your question.  Just a word of advise from someone here who is tapering off an opiate based presc. med, I've been on for a little over 7 months......withdrawals are no fun at all and one of withdrawal symptoms is anxiety so need to go with taking Klonopin with precaution.  That drug is listed on detox websites just as well as my Hydrocodone, but they do state giving patients something for anxiety but don't know what it is.  I know that once I'm completely off the Hydro. and withdrawal period for that is up, I will then need to start tapering down some from the Klonopin.  Doctors don't bother to tell patients of long term effects of these drugs, just that they want to get you off them.  Long term effects of taking opiates is that the body stops producing it's own natural painkillers of endorphins because it now recognizes the opiate as the painkiller.  So the long process of tapering down not only involves withdrawals but also increased pain as my body is slowly starting to return to normal and start producing endorphins again for the pain.  I told my PM doctor on Mon. when asking for the next, and lowest dosage, that I want to get to the point of being on a non-narcotic pain med., maybe an NSAID.  Yes, there are risks with that as well but no addiction or physical dependancy.

 

 

I can truly relate om this issue.  I don't know what genders any of you are referring to but I know from experience of working around a group of women, things can get pretty nasty at times.  It's like being on Drama Central Avenue and many times I have felt like I was back in high school rather than at work with mature adults.  The mentality and maturity level was pretty much equal to high school age.  Whenever I've brought up how things are where I work to a friend outside of work, I'm told repeatedly that it's always that way around a bunch of woman.  I told someone the other day that maybe something went wrong with my DNA during birth, since I am a woman and I choose to avoid this drama at work and the high school type groups who hang together.  I just have no desire to be around this type of behaviour but you sometimes can't avoid it in group settings such as meetings.  We only have 2 men on our entire team and I am so blessed to work down the same aisle as both of them.  I was moved to this aisle over a year ago and I was so elated when that happened.  It's just so peaceful and calm :)  Yeah, I can occasionally pick up whispers of gossip the next aisle down but at least I don't have to be right in the midst of it anymore.

 

Because of now having to deal with my anxiety that has returned with a vengeance, I just can't afford any confrontations with anyone as that will just escalate my anxiety so I have opted to stick to my desk as much as possible.   I also have to constantly listen to my relaxation music on my ipod at work to calm my anxiety so that drowns out any negative conversations around me :)

 

I guess this kind of thing will always go on at work.  So many people with so many different personalities trying to work together.

 

I'm having to read through the section of the Panic Cycle many times to just "get it".  I had an episode at work today where I went for my usual break to lie in the backseat of my car (I suffer from chronic pain of a failed back surgery from last year) and actually fell asleep.  That's what happens when you mix 3 hrs. sleep the night before, then taking a Klonopin and lying in the back seat of your car during break ;)  When I woke up, it startled me as I realized I was late getting back from my break knowing there was a meeting shortly.  I immediately started feeing anxiety and had to lay there a bit longer to calm down just so I could come in.  I missed the meeting as I was focusing on getting what needed done before leaving early for my doctor's appt.  Was at my desk with my head hung down trying to calm down when co-workers came to check on me on why I was not at the meeting so I explained.  Already had 2 episodes at work last month of paramedics coming to work with my panic attacks to I guess people are on the alert.  I told them I was just sitting there trying not to focus what my wrist BP monitor reading said and I took 1/2 a Klonopin to calm down so I could eventually leave for my appt.  While I apprcciated my one co-workers concern on the high BP reading, I explained to her that it was more than likely a result of the anxiety since my HR was high also.  I ended up having a coupla of my co-workers drive me to my appt. since they did not want me driving while having an attack.  Vitals taken at the doctor's office were fine.

 

Therpe was another section that talked about how our thoughts can make us think from the physical sensations we are having an attack when these sensations can be from other things that we don't even think anyting of it.  Like having a fast heartbeat and immediately thinking we are having a panic attack, yet a fast heart rate can be the result of walking fast, running if we are in a hurry to get somewhere, any kind of exercise.  I think of how extremely physically active I was prior to herniating my disc almost a year ago where I went to the gym 3 times a week and I mean I was putting in a hard workout each time (kickboxing on Tues.), hiked alot, worked out in my yard.  I can't even imagine how high my HR was doing stuff like that, yet none of those things caused a panic attack nor did I even think of having one even with a past history of having panic attacks.  I am wondering if the physical activity is one of the factors that kept them under control.

 

 

Oh yes, by the way welcome Sue!  I noticed after my post that you just joined.  I am fairly new here also and love the support and discussions we have here.

 

Well after a pretty tough week of dealing with our upper management from CA being in this week and being intimidated by that, I somehow made it through this week without another embarrasing episode of having the paramedics be called at work for one of my attacks.  I believe part of my increased anxiety this week was fear of having an attack and making an embarrasment not only of me but for my entire team.  As the email from our manager reminded us was to show some professionalism while upper management was here this week.  I kept thinking to my self "Please don't let me mess up and embarrass our team."  Top that with the fact that I came close to losing my job year before last due to getting on this site manager's so-called list and it's hard to get off of it once you're on.  After all last year of battling a herniated disc, then reherniation, then surgery of where I was in and out of work and now I am back full time suffering severe anxiety, the Lord must truly have His hand of protection on me as I can't explain any other reason as to why I still have a job there.

 

I also went to see a 2nd therapist Friday night and will still see the other one on Saturday so maybe I can get an idea of which one will be best for me.  Anyone else ever see multiple therapists to choose which was the best?  Also have an appt. with a psychiatrist next week on Thursday to start that process of evaluation and have them manage my medications.

 

Donna

 

 

Vincenza,

 

Well I managed to be out one of the days due to a female issue that came along and caused too much pain to go into work, but it's hard to put my finger on any particular thing other than the CBT I've just started using on here.  I'm only up to the negative thoughts section but what I've read and learned so far is slowly starting to kick in.  I'm still a long ways off as this is the worst in my life that my anxiety has ever been, especially so out of control, but it is helping.  Just reading and posting on here with the support has helped as well.  I did have a mild case of anxiety Thurs. afternoon where some of my co-workers had come to my desk to see what was wrong as to why I missed a meeting.  I believe it has been the 2 episodes of having paramedics called to work for my attacks (one with overnight stay in hospital) that made them realize just how serious my condition is so they seem to be on alert to look out for me.  I was sitting at my desk trying to remember the thing on the panic cycle and trying not to let my sensations go over to another one of the other 2 in the cycle, telling my co-workers I had a followup visit with my primary doctor who I first saw this year about my anxiety and I wasn't sure if I could even drive there.  They said I should not be driving in my condition so I was driven there to my appt. Not only that but because my car was low on gas due to being too anxious to stop to get gas after work this week, my co-worker dropped me off right at the front door at the doctor's, went to put gas in my car, then came back to the doctor's with another co-worker (to drive her home) to wait for me when I got out.  I was moved to tears as before I was feeling as if nobody at work even understood what I was going through and some of the well meaning advice they tried to give to me just doesn't work with someone with extreme anxiety.  Like I said, the 2 incidents were the wakeup call to them that I am in a very bad state right now.  A few of them already know that most of my friends abandoned me last year after I herniated my disc, then had surgery so they know I have no social outlets whatsoever for support.  Just here and Facebook and the few occasions when my roommate comes out of her room for the rare talking spells.  Anyway, I was at least able to keep things under control enough to not need paramedics but it was nice to know they cared enough to drive me to my doctor's appt.

 

I will have to wait and see with the 2 therapists.  Yesterday was only 1st visit with one so just evaluation.  I almost didn't make it there due to a fast HR that brought on amxiety.  Was a bit late but just having an ear to listen as I gave her my history helped calm me down.  Today was 2nd visit with other therapist and after telling her about this site and doing the CBT, she stated that she does that and did a little of it with me today.  Today was 1st day of starting the Paxil so I was nervous on how I would react to that.  My son said when he took it last year gave him diarrhea, so he had to change meds. but I was concerned it would happen to me and I had this therapy appt.  Not sure what to think of the Paxil, feel a tad edgy yet a tad calm......very weird feeling and feeling wide awake as if I may be up most of the night.  Reason I wanted to try it over the weekend to keep from interferring with me getting to work if any unpleasant side effects.  Thanks for the well wishes.  I really love this site and the people on here.

 

Donna

 

 

Thanks Hugs4u and it could turn out that I may keep seeing both of them if they do complement each other.  The one I saw today for 2nd time is only every other Saturday yet right now I need more than that in my state, so that's the reason I returned the call of another therapist who had called a coupla weeks ago.  When she said she was very close to my home and had appts. as late as 8 p.m. 3 nights a week, I thought that could be good as well.  Could just alternate with seeing them weekly.

 

As much as I like my primary doctor and have been seeing him for some time now, I'm a bit disappointed that 1st visit with him last month for anxiety, one of meds. he prescribed for me is a beta blocker and even worded the prescription to say for treating anxiety.  It doesn't and even pharmacists said it doesn't so only thing that helped was the Klonopin he also prescribed.  After 1st ER visit & hospital stay, called him back asking for something longer term & he prescribed Paxil, which the pharmacist consulted with me when I picked it up saying it could have interraction with the Metoprolol (beta blocker) of heart palpitations.  Just what I need......heart palpitations with severe anxiety.  Told him on Thurs. visit that the Metoprolol did nothing for my anxiety and what pharmacist said so I wouldn't take the Paxil for that reason.  He took me off the Metoprolol and said for me to give the Paxil try and that I may find it could make a world of difference.  A doctor at last ER visit said I need to have one central doctor to go to to discuss all my meds. and I am thinking that could be the psychiatrist as they would have more knowledge on meds. for anxiety, and interractions with other drugs, than my primary doctor.

 

 

Hey Debora,

 

I haven't had much of a chance to read the forums lately as I'm trying to keep up with the CBT.  I just can't believe your therapist said that to you and that is just unethically wrong.  Reminds me of some unethically wrong things my spine surgeon said to me last year to which I finally left out of his care and asked him to refer me over to Pain Management.  Get this, after months after the surgery and still having pain issues, he had the audacity to tell me that he is no longer placing any limits on what I can do and that I should be healed enough to play pro-football.  I was appalled!  Anyway I know you've mentioned wanting to find another therapist and preferably a female.  Given your other issues that are female related, a female therapist would be more understanding and realize that this cycle in a woman's life causes anxiety which just adds to the anxiety you are already experiencing.

 

I am glad to see you got out to walk the dog.  That's a step and however how long it takes to take more steps, to do a little more each time.  I know you can do it.  We are all on here cheering for you and you have been in my prayers.  I totally understand the fear of making that appt. to the OB-GYN as it took me months to finally do it and get it over with.  Do you have any lavender oil you can add to a nice soak in the tub?  Lavender has a calming affect.  I have to soak in dead sea salt every morning for my pain anyway but I add a few drops of the lavender oil, bring my laptop in with some relaxing music and just lay there relaxed for 20 minutes.  I don't even want to come out when the timer goes off :)

 

Keep doing what you are doing.....at baby steps and you will be amazed as time goes by if you look back at your progress.  I have faith in you to do this!

 

Donna