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Posts created by Athene

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 171

Please indulge me

Thak you all for your replies. I think that if I had posted and no-one had said anything, I would have felt very alone.

~m, thank you for sharing your struggles as a parent. My husband thinks that the only reason that my daughter gives me such a hard time is because I let her. But I know how much she needs me. She was a preemie (born 13 weeks early) and although she probably functions "within the normal range", she has many problems typical of preemies - difficulty managing her emotions, extreme sensitivity to textures and smells, difficulty learning to read and quite a bit of anxiety. Deep down, I know that she is lucky that she has had me as a parent, because I do know alot about working with children with special needs. I have been there for her. But it has cost me... and now I need to find a balance because if I burn out, I am useless to her or my son. She did see a therapist for a couple of years which as you say, helped both her and me. She has since retired, but maybe I need to find someone else. She is almost 10 and I am fearful of what the next few years will be like for her. She has a lot of problem with friends and looks so much like a boy that strangers tell her to get out of the women's washroom!

I can proudly say that today is day 39. Today, for the first time I talked to my husband about how difficult it has been for me to stop drinking. He decided that he wanted to make cheese fondue and he was annoyed that there wasn't any white wine in the house. It wasn't a long or deep talk - he doesn't do that - but at least he knows. He said that he was glad that I wasn't drinking, but I really don't think he understands how difficult this is for me. I never imagined that if I made it this far, the cravings would still be so strong.

Things I am thankful for:

- I learned to ski two years ago and I love it

- my electronic keyboard has earphones so I can play late at night when everyone else is asleep

- my children have a very special relationship with my mother - their only living grandparent

- my husband likes to cook

- my husband likes his current job

- I am not alone in this world

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 171

Holiday Stress

I have to respond to ~m's post. ~m thank you for being so honest and having the courage to share your insights about why the holidays are hard for you. With each new insight, comes healing. May this Christmas bring you peace.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 171

Day one

I'm here. Hoping I can get back on track.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 171

day 15

Congratulations Briron. Day 15!

I can so relate to your fillings of impatience/hunger/restlessness. I have found that physical exercise is a good way to change the way I feel physically. I'm not a big exerciser, but even a brisk walk, some yoga, shoveling some snow or a race around the block with my kids seems to dampen the physical part of the cravings. Distracting my mind is another challenge and finding the motivation to do something physical is a challenge for me. I am more of a curl up and read a book kind of person.

I am back to day one and you are my inspiration. We Canadian can do this! You can do this. I know you can. Hang in there Briron.

Athena

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 171

Breaking Patterns

Hi Ashley,

I want to try this but I am having trouble working through the steps you are suggesting. Could you give some examples?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 171

Tracking, challenging, changing negative thoughts

~m, your comments are helping me to shake free of the lethargy I have been feeling. When I first read these ten questions I was interested, but then quickly decided that it would take to much energy to think through so many questions.

You have inspired me to look at them again. I am going to print them out and put them in the inside cover of my journal and then tomorrow, I will find a quiet place to sit and write awhile.

It is very encouraging to hear you doing so well. It gives me hope that this roller coaster ride will have ups as well as downs. What's this about a new puppy? Sounds very therapeutic!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 171

How to settle into your new Lifestyle?

Cooking dinner is a real danger time for me too. I have started pouring myself a big cold glass of ice tea as soon as I get home from work. Other days, I need to stay out of the house until I have eaten and the cravings will pass. It's hard when you have kids who are expecting you at home. It would be so much easier if I could go and wander around a mall or something after work. I just signed my son up for Tae Kwan Do two evenings a week. It means that by the time we get home, my husband or mother have made dinner and I can just sit down and eat.

I think that we need to really look at the habits and daily routines that surround our drinking and find ways to change them.

I have been reading a book that talks about how important it is to not put yourself in risky situations, especially during the first thirty days. If that means that I have to ask others to cook a few more meals this month and I need to take the kids to the movies late in the afternoons on the weekends, then that is what I need to do.

Hang in there Choosing. The more you become aware of your triggers, the easier it will become to avoid them.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 171

3 months

Healthyj

Congratulations and thank you for sharing your success. It is so important to know that it is possible.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 171

I really need some encouragment...

I wish I could say that I was here to support others on their road to recovery.....but I am close to rock bottom, and I really need to know that there is someone out there who cares even a little bit that I am trying to get my act together....

After more than 10 years without a sober day. I made it to 40 days before Christmas.... then I crashed and I am trying to pick myself up out of the dirt - despite the shame and disappointment - despite the self loathing and disgust... am I sounding self pitying enough yet? (I know - kill the sarcasm...). I am so sad. I am so so so sad. I cannot go on like this. I need to find a way to make a change.

I have two beautiful children, an incredibly patient husband and at least 30 years left to live in this life. I don't want to waste it all.

I am struggling with accepting the reality that I can't just buy a support system. I am incredibly shy and introverted and antidepressants just make me even more boring.... I thought I had found a great doctor, but she repeatedly cancels appointments or keeps people waiting so long that I can't bear it. I am intelligent, well educated and knowledgable enough to know that there are many people out there who are much worse off than me - but I am in so much pain and for no logical reason!!!! I can't fathom making the effort to make friends because I know that I am not an easy person to befriend - I have lots to give - when I am able - but the rest of the time - I am a very heavy burden on those who care about me.

Do I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself? I want to be strong enough to fight - but how do I fight for my life when the opponent is me?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 171

step one

My goal for today is stop fighting myself. I need to hang on to the positive part of me and just ignore the negative thoughts rather than wasting so much energy trying to change them. I want to calm my mind and accept that I need attention and care - from myself.

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